


Fifty

by Celia25



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Doctor/Patient, F/M, Family Secrets, Getting Pregnant on a One Night Stand, Guilt, Henry Mills is Evil Queen | Regina Mills's Biological Son, Internal Conflict, Late Discovery of Adoption, One Night Stands, Outlaw Queen in their fifties, Roland is Evil Queen | Regina Mills's Biological Son, Unplanned Pregnancy, shocking revelation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2019-10-25 03:49:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 52,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17717492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celia25/pseuds/Celia25
Summary: They've remembered each other for years, they have craved for each other deeply. Although they were able to rebuild their lives, the memories of what they once shared have been haunting them for a long time. A story about two people reuniting in their fifties, having no memory that they already met before. A story about family secrets and revelations that will turn upside down Robin and Regina's worlds. A story about forgiveness and understanding; friendship, love, and second chances.





	1. Her biggest regret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [@joym13](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%40joym13).



> This is my gift for @Joym13 - LoveFromOQ2019 I really hope that you enjoy this story. It has been a challenge to write, sometimes I struggled with the approach I wanted to give to some of the topics and thought I was getting nowhere. I will post it in several parts beginning on Feb 14th.  
> A big hug to the amazing @BabyLawyerOQ for beta-reading this story. Thanks, for the support, for your feedback and for your time!

Fifty.

Regina Mills just turned fifty and each time she thinks about it she realizes it’s nothing like how she imagined it. In fact, she feels exactly the same and doesn’t understand all the fuss everyone makes about reaching that moment in life.

She must be fifty, but she feels the same and all her life she thought reaching that milestone would be different. She’s an intense woman, always has been, she’s full of energy and life, she's strong, confident, has a fruitful professional life, and despite all, she has endured, she can say she’s happy. However, if at a certain point she has begun to look at herself in a particular way, it had been more about how other people expect her to be and their persistent reminders that she is, indeed, a fifty-year-old woman than how she feels because of that.

Those _‘You look amazing! You don’t look like you just turned fifty, Regina’_ , _‘Do you still attend those spinning classes? Wow!’_ or her mother’s _‘Isn’t that skirt too short for a fifty-year-old lady?’_ make her think how other people expect her to fit their stereotype of the fifty-year-old woman. Why are people surprised that she still looks good and can perform a physically challenging discipline? Why can't she feel sexy enough to wear clothes that make her feel that way? She's never been someone to make her choices thinking about how they would look at the eyes of others. If she had, she would never have had a child out of wedlock, would she?

Yet, those remarks, along with other things, had made her realize that even feeling the same as always, she is a middle-aged woman and that fact has begun to stress her out.

Regina knew that at some point in her life she would begin perceiving things differently, but she didn’t expect to suddenly face the shocking realization of mortality and a finite life. Actually, that’s a fact everyone understands and accepts, but she never gave a second thought, at least not until she stopped to analyze the meaning behind someone’s words at her birthday party.

 _‘For another fifty more years, Regina,’_ she heard someone toast and only smiled and drank from her champagne glass. However, those words -whose clear intentions had been wishing her more years of life and not literally another fifty more-  remained with her and didn’t allow any sleep that night, or the nights that followed, and, after some basic math, she realized she had already lived more than what might be half of her lifetime. She became aware she had less time left because what are the odds that she gets to live a hundred years? Not likely. Besides, that’s not what she wants. She wants to live intensely each day of what’s left of her life. She doesn't want to reach that time in which disability, sickness, lack of abilities or oblivion rule her life.

So, after facing that fact, she began to understand that she might feel very much the same, even when she’s certainly not. Time will continue passing, and she won’t be getting any younger.

And while she thinks about the years that will come, she can’t avoid taking a look back at the previous years. Those fifty years that have seen her grow physically, emotionally and professionally, the years that made her become the woman she is now; those days, nights, weeks and months that have witnessed the once young girl living under her mother's constant criticism turn into a self-confident and strong woman. She smiles at the memories those years brought her, at the goals she achieved, both in her personal and professional life. She can’t evade, either, thinking about the people she lost over the years, those people that at some point were important to her but took another path for either reason and with those memories comes one of the things she regrets most in her life: not asking his name and not giving hers.

Sometimes she thinks she forgot him; on other occasions, she believes he was just a dream, a product of her imagination and desires. Those thoughts never last long, though, because as soon as she looks at her older son and spots those dimples along with his smile, she recalls that special night, and knows it was all real. And, even not knowing his name, she has lived for almost twenty-seven years with some reminders of him: her son, a soothing and tender voice with a sexy British accent, and the hazy memory of a lion tattoo.

* * *

Since Regina turned fifty, a month ago, and even if at the beginning she didn’t feel the impact that being a year older entailed, some demons, insecurities, guilts and regrets from the past have gradually begun to unleash.

First, she has realized that rather than overthinking, she needs to be more spontaneous and try to get whatever opportunity life can bring her, with the awareness that it might be her last chance. Maybe later she won’t have the energy or strength needed, or the opportunity will not be there for her to take. And this goes for everything in her life, it doesn’t matter if it’s about deciding to go on a trip, on a blind date (something she thinks unlikely at this stage of her life) or buy a new pair of shoes she doesn’t need at all.

Next, it’s the fact that soon her younger son, Henry, will be going to college. He is fifteen now, but in two years, he will leave, just as Roland, her older son, did and that day she’ll have to deal with feelings of emptiness and loneliness. When Roland went to college, eight years ago, she had her husband and Henry with her and having to take care of a six year old and, in the meanwhile, balancing her role of mother and wife with that of a graphic designer working in one of the leading companies in the field, kept her busy enough that it had been impossible for her to feel lonely (which she certainly wasn’t) because one of her sons had left already for college.

This time will be different, though. There’s no husband, Daniel’s dead, and both her sons no longer will be living with her. The older one is a twenty-six-year-old adult now, doesn’t live with her, has a job, a girlfriend and a life, and, the younger will be by that time in college. She is very much aware that if she’s lucky she’ll get to have both of her boys for Thanksgiving or Christmas holidays, maybe even on both ...and that’ll be it. So, she needs to be prepared to face an empty nest.

Finally, there’s the issue that’s been bothering her the most lately. Something that, although she never forgot completely and, instead, learned to live with it weighing over her shoulders and conscience, has come to her mind more often than not this last month. This situation has arisen feelings of longing (which she fails to understand because it even didn’t last long to get used to it) and guilt she thought she overcame years ago.

She doesn’t know why this issue returns to haunt her after almost twenty-seven years.

When she met this stranger, both had wanted something merely physical, and neither of them had any intention of complicating things with a relationship none of them wanted. In fact, she was getting out of a toxic one and this man was what she needed ...and he knew it.

 _Your Majesty_ had been the way he referred to her because of a tattoo on one of her shoulder blades, and each time she heard this man calling her like that, she couldn’t help a _thief_ come out of her lips, alluding clearly at the way they had met. And it had been like that all night long and the day that followed and the night after that: _Your Majesty_ … _thief_ ...laughter ...passion ...talk ...drinks ...caresses ...confessions ...tenderness ...sleep ...understanding ... always with the cruel awareness that whatever they had was destined to finish in some hours.

Their adventure lasted a whole weekend, but without doubt, it had been one of the best experiences of her life.

However, things didn’t go as planned. She had only expected some fun and a good fuck. Something that could make her forget the circumstances she was going through at that time. She would never have guessed he would be so wonderful, tender, understanding and passionate that he’d find a place in her heart and memories throughout the years. She wouldn’t have imagined, either, that they would have such good shot that she would have to live with a reminder of that night ...one which she’d been grateful for and that has made even more difficult to forget him.

Regina and Daniel had talked about it when things between them progressed and became serious, and Daniel had married her knowing the exact circumstances behind Roland’s birth.

Daniel had willingly accepted to raise Roland as his own and never had brought up Roland’s biological father for discussion, he even had insisted in adopting Roland not long after marrying Regina, and no difference had been ever made between Roland and Henry. To Daniel, Roland had been his son as much as Henry was, and somehow that had made things easier for Regina.

It never ceases to amaze Regina how she found support on a man that wasn’t blood-related to her son, rather than in her own mother. Cora Mills had always been a controlling, selfish bitch, but she outdid herself when Regina found out she was pregnant and there was no boyfriend, fiancé, least of all husband, to father her son.

It seems Cora Mills’ only concern was the way people would look at a single mother in the nineties because as soon as Daniel, a good catch, appeared in Regina’s life and decided to raise Regina’s son as his, Cora tried to get closer to Regina and pretend the years of rejection towards Regina and her son didn’t happen. Mother of the year, indeed!

Regina and Daniel had decided not to tell Roland the truth about his biological father, at least not during Roland's early years. They thought it wouldn’t make any difference to Roland. It wasn’t as if Regina was able to reveal the identity of Roland’s father. She had no clue about the identity of that man. In 1992, when they met, there were no cell phones, let alone social media, and the efforts she went through trying to find him had been unsuccessful. So, they both had thought it would do more harm than good, at least during Roland’s childhood and, then, as a teen. They postponed that chat for later, time passed by, it seemed there was no ideal opportunity for breaking such news to their boy, Daniel and Regina continued rescheduling that conversation, until one day, four years ago, a heart attack took Daniel away from them, and Regina was left behind dealing with her husband’s death and very few people to help her ease the weight of such big secret.

Still, she doesn’t know why she has begun to think just now about the circumstances that led to Roland’s birth and about a man whose name she doesn’t even know and who she isn’t certain would identify after all that time. Perhaps being fifty brought her some common sense? Maybe just now, at this stage of her life, she has the courage or the life experience to admit she (and Daniel) could have handled better the truth about Roland’s biological father? Maybe having hit what might be half of her life has made her realize she needs to put things in order and tell Roland the truth, a truth that for Roland would bring more questions than answers because there are some she won’t be able to respond, a truth that not only would affect Roland but also Henry.

So, after a month of going back and forth with these feelings, she realizes how wrong she’d been because, in fact, being fifty doesn’t feel the same. It had brought things from the past she rather preferred would have remained just there.

And not knowing what to do and, with each day that passes, feeling her anxiety increase, she decides to book an appointment with Dr.Hopper, her psychiatrist and therapist, and one of the few people who knows her life from top to bottom, only to find out the man is retired. She gets to talk to him, though, she has his personal number, she has been a patient of his for years, and after some small talk, she gets a recommendation from him.

She looks forward to this appointment with Dr. Robin Locksley, strongly recommended by Dr. Hopper and that he pointed out he was sure she would like and feel totally comfortable with.

Little does she know, that appointment would change everything in her life and won’t help her much ...at least not immediately and not in the way Regina or Dr. Hopper expect.

* * *

 

**_To be continued ..._ **


	2. The first session

Dr. Robin Locksley watches the screen on his computer with absolute concentration. He wants to know in advance how many patients his new secretary has scheduled for this afternoon, and how prepared he needs to be to help them with their conflicts.

The fact that Mulan, his new secretary, has two weeks working with him doesn’t worry him as much as knowing he didn't hire her because of her skills or experience in a similar position, but because of an emergency. His secretary had to go on maternity leave a month prior than planned, leaving him with very few options to fill that position.

He knows there are patients and … _patients_ , and there are sessions that run smooth and, others, where real shit is addressed and he can't just say ‘ _time is over, I'll see you next week’_ and go on with the next appointment. Therefore, his secretary has always understood the importance of avoiding two difficult cases on the same day or a difficult one and a new one, and he isn’t sure Mulan is aware of this.

It’s important to know what kind of sessions he might have ahead and not because he has something else to do and needs to finish earlier than usual or re-schedule one of those appointments due to an unexpected situation that got in the way. No, it’s not that. He has no reason to hurry home after work, only to find an empty apartment. Definitely, that’s not appealing.

Robin Locksley lives alone, he’s divorced and has been that way more years than those he was married.  His teen daughter, Raven, lives with his ex, in another city, in another country even. They both moved to Canada after his ex remarried. However, Raven comes to visit him twice or three times a year for long stays and those are the moments that light up his life most and the ones he looks forward so much.

Remembering his empty apartment, his failed marriage and his daughter, makes him recall why he chose to move all the way here from Europe, almost a decade ago. Yes, it had been to be near his girl, at least in the same continent, so that way it’d be easier for the two of them to spend vacations or holidays together without one of them having to be on a plane for endless seven or eight hours. He recognizes that had been the main reason behind his decision to move to another country, leaving his family and job behind, but choosing Storybrooke, Maine as the city to settle was due to a completely different reason.

It might sound ridiculous, absurd and even comical that a grown ass man’s motivation to choose a city to move and begin again would be a woman. Moreover, one whose name he doesn’t even know and whose legacy has been the remembrance of a memorable night of passion (which refuses to leave his mind despite the twenty-seven years that have passed since then), the clear image of a delicate crown tattoo in one of her shoulder blades and the delicious way she called him _thief_  as if she was trying to stretch out the beginning and the end of that word.

Shit, why did he begin thinking about her when he is supposed to receive his first patient of the afternoon in a few minutes? Well, he still has some minutes to fantasize about her, because that’s what he has been doing since the day he realized she was gone, leaving nothing behind, not even her name. For him she has been his _Queen_ , that's how he's been calling her in his head all these years at the lack of her real name.

Actually, being honest, he recognizes she was stuck in his head after their brief, yet intense, encounter, but then he moved on, got a job, got married, divorced, and somewhere in between -he can’t tell exactly when- he realized he began thinking about her again. During the last decade, maybe a little more, it has become an obsession, one which has increased throughout the last year and he doesn’t understand why (or doesn’t want to find out) he is experiencing this in his mid-fifties.

Robin knows how memories work, the way in which the human brain processes information, and how, at one point in life, pleasurable, blissful and satisfying experiences are the ones that fill people's mind, regardless of the moment those events happen. However, he recognizes this isn't the case of what’s happening to him.

He finds this fixation with her somewhat entertaining, and sometimes he notices it has become part of his routine. He enjoys thinking about what she might be doing while he performs his habitual activities and tries to fit the little he knows about her in it. As he gets ready for work, he thinks she might be getting ready for hers somewhere in this same city; when he passes by a school and watches teens being picked up by their parents, he wonders if she had any kids, as she confessed him she’d wanted, and he has found himself peeking among the parents hoping to see her if by any chance she’d be there. He speculates about what would her life is like and goes through endless possibilities. Will she be married? Will she be happy? How does she look like after all these years? Would he be able to recognize her if they cross paths again? Maybe they already had? How is she as a fifty-year-old woman? He has an image in his head of a twenty-two-year-old young woman that certainly made an impression on him, but after twenty-seven years he doesn’t know if it’s something closer to reality or a product of his imagination.

He sometimes steps into dangerous grounds and ventures into the _what-ifs_ of how things might have developed between them if he only would have insisted on giving his name or in requesting hers with more determination. He remembers well how they both agreed it would be better to keep their encounter in complete anonymity. It was supposed to be a one-time thing and both had been very honest about that; they both lived and had responsibilities in different places; she had just broken up with a boyfriend, _it’s ...complicated_ were her words and she hadn’t said more (oh! if he closes his eyes he can almost hear her!), he had been well aware he was the rebound, and, well, they connected and shared first what most couples wait some time for.

Robin isn’t in love with this woman. He doesn’t think possible to fall in love with someone he had only met once and from whom he knows nothing (or very little). Still, it doesn’t matter to him ...because what harm does it make? Those fantasies he’s been having for some time have been his driving force since he moved to this city where he still feels hopeful they might meet again.

However, although he loves thinking about her (it’s a fascinating way of exercising his mind), he has work to do, and hard work, so he thinks it’d be wiser to focus on the screen on his monitor, neglected for some minutes, and check that list of patients once and for all.

..........

Robin smiles when he sees the Wednesday's regulars: Zelena Greene and her self-centered view of life that has been responsible for the multiple failures in her love life; Ruby Lucas with low self-esteem issues that leads her to a promiscuous lifestyle in her mid-forties (well, he has understood this has been her lifestyle always, and it’s difficult for her to learn another way, different than sex, to relate with people), and he knows it’s not his job to look after her and prevent her from having random sex, but it is, indeed, to help her love herself so that she can learn sex isn’t the only thing she has to offer; Leroy Grump, a man with anger management issues, whose sessions are tough because he comes for consultation at his wife's insistence and not because he acknowledges his problem.

He’s surprised when he sees another name, not a regular, but someone he didn’t think would return after the first session they had last week: Carelle Deville, a woman with a dark side and complete lack of empathy, a tough case and a challenge he would have preferred to see on a different day as Leroy. And, finally, he reaches the last name on his timetable: Regina Mills, a new patient.

He tries to remember if he has heard that name before, but it doesn’t ring a bell, and just then he sees the entry that indicates she’s been referred by Dr. Hopper and realizes she has been Dr. Hopper’s former patient. He thinks it’d be best to talk to Dr. Hopper and check if he can take a look at the records he kept during his sessions with this woman. He needs some insight in advance, so if by any chance there’s something he would need to be aware of he can be prepared and have an effective first session.

After talking to Dr. Hopper, he feels relieved to know this woman already overcame all the issues that would have made him worry. Dr. Hopper told him that Regina was not a complicated case; she might have been when she first came for a consultation and it was obvious she had a lot of issues that needed help. However, she had been able to remain stable for years without medication and the last time he saw her had been some years ago, when he focused his therapy on grief counselling to help her cope with the death of her husband, after nineteen years of marriage. No, there’s no need to request Dr. Hopper’s records.

The information Dr. Hopper shares with Robin makes him think the reason for her consultation might be the need to work on the guilt of finding another partner after almost two decades of marriage. He has seen these cases in his field of practice; it’s something most people that have been involved in long term relationships experience as a result of the short period in which they’ve been able to rebuild their romantic life with someone else. It’s like if they want to grab the new chance life is gifting them with, and not begin thinking things through and through because they don’t want to risk that this second chance fades away just as the person they lost did. And that rapid pace in which they begin retaking their love life, sometimes makes them feel guilty and firmly believe they’ll be criticized by others.

So, after having cleared his doubts about the afternoon he’ll have ahead and knowing -at least- where he stands in regard with this Regina Mills, he instructs Mulan to tell his first patient of the afternoon, Ms. Greene, to come in.

.........

The sessions go as planned … well, almost. Zelena Greene is more responsive, it seems this Chad guy she’s seeing is helping her; Ruby Lucas’ session runs smooth; he knew how things would go with Leroy, it’s very hard to make progress with a patient who doesn’t understand the extent of their problems, so for the next session, Robin has requested that  Leroy’s wife, Astrid, be present and have another approach; the session with Carelle Deville is very demanding, from both sides, so he requests Mulan after their session is finished, to reschedule Carelle or Leroy, on different days, so that he doesn’t have to deal with them both on the same day, and shakes his head knowing he should have checked that patient list before.

As he waits for his last patient to come in, his mind wanders to Regina Mills, and his speculations about the motive for her consultation. He doesn’t know a thing about this Regina Mills, which, in fact, will be entering his office any moment now. His experience tells him the guilt due to recomposing her life would be most likely the scenario he will find and the circumstances he’ll have to deal with during the session with her.

An hour later, he would admit to himself he’d never been more wrong in his life.

* * *

Being a psychiatrist and therapist for almost thirty years has taught him the importance of firsts impressions, mostly the one a therapist will build after seeing a patient for the first time and which is based mainly on his observation skills during the first five minutes. When a new patient steps into his office, most of the times that person is genuine. Therapy hasn’t begun yet, people are relaxed as they walk towards the couch in his office to take a seat there, and years in the field has proven him right because that’s the exact moment when he can read people best. He can tell if they are there willingly; if they’re nervous (well, everyone on a first appointment is somehow, but he has learned the difference between a first-time appointment nervousness and one where it’s the constant state of the patient); if they don’t care; if they believe in him and in the help he can provide; if they have the strength to overcome whatever issues they have … That first impression is vital for him ...and it won’t be different with Regina Mills.

So, when Regina Mills steps into his office for the first time, he begins his work even if he hasn’t said a word different than _“Good afternoon”_ , yet. The first thing he notices is that she’s a very beautiful woman, classy, very well put together, she has nothing out of place. She definitely takes care of every detail regarding her personal appearance: her makeup, hair, accessories, outfit ...everything.

She’s dressed nicely in a modern, kind of informal outfit, and because of the crimson briefcase she carries with her, it seems she must have come to the appointment directly from work. Her choice of outfit gives away that she works in something related to the creative process: publicity, marketing, photograph, visual arts, design, architecture ...and not something more traditional like law, accounting or, engineering. Either way, it seems she’s an independent woman.

He observes delighted how fit she’s for her age. The pair of pants she’s wearing suits her perfectly and shows off the form of a toned, well taken care of ass. He feels like shit for checking out her rear, but he convinces himself it’s part of the observation process which with he begins every first session, so if it’s her ass what will help him with some insight about who Regina Mills is, there’s no need to feel bad about it. She’s wearing a top and a jacket, leaving a generous amount of cleavage exposed. He’s no fucking fashion expert, but he sees a lot of women of her same age, and he can tell she’s a modern woman with bold fashion choices, confident with her attributes, and by any means a shy one. The outfit she chose for that day is a very fitting one and proves she doesn’t have anything to envy from a younger woman. If he didn’t know she’d been married for almost twenty years, he would have thought she was younger than what she might be because of the way she looks. However, she has some little wrinkles that show up at the edge of her mouth, as she smiles to greet him, and around her eyes as she slightly closes them in an effort to look at something (or someone) that has caught her attention. But, those signs rather than taking away her beauty, make her look more appealing because he finds it to be the perfect balance between maturity and freshness.

She’s certainly a woman that takes good care of herself and must have healthy habits regarding food, physical activity, and sleep. She’s educated, well mannered, well spoken (from the little he has heard her say, that’s mostly _Dr. Locksley, good afternoon_ ), clearly, she comes from a wealthy family, and has had a privileged education.

She doesn’t seem nervous or anxious; she looks at him in the eyes which leads him to think she’s an honest woman.

She looks familiar to him, though. She reminds him of someone, but he doesn’t get to identify to whom or to place her somewhere it might have been probable to meet her.

College? No. He studied abroad and even if he spent some time in this same city twenty-seven years ago, he returned home after a short time. And even if somewhat they would have coincided in college, she seems some years younger than him, so it wouldn’t have been likely to share classes with someone who was beginning their studies when he was about to graduate. Work? She doesn’t seem the type of person dedicated to the medical field, and strangely Dr. Hopper hadn’t brought that up; so, no, not probable. A friend of a friend of a friend? Possibly. Over the decade he has lived here he had frequented some friends, and friends of those friends, so yes they might have met briefly in some of those meetings.

So, after having made a mental image of who he thinks Regina Mills is he greets her properly, extending his hand to shake hands with her, “Glad to meet you, Regina. Please, have a seat, make yourself comfortable. Have you already filled your information in the form my secretary gave you?”, he observes how she nods her head in agreement and continues, “Okay, good. I requested you to fill your own information because I won’t be checking Dr. Hopper’s notes. So, tell me why are you here? How can I be of help?”

Robin can’t help but notice how his words startled her, and he doesn’t know what he might have done or said to make her react like that. He takes a look at the chart she just filled and continues as if he hadn’t caught her reaction seconds ago.

“Well, I see you are a widow, have been for some time, you have two children, you just turned fifty, oh! congratulations,” he smiles at her and she smiles back at him, and there’s when he thinks again about how familiar this woman is to him. That smile, he has seen that smile before ...but where?

He makes an effort and takes those thoughts away from his head. He’s working; he should focus on his patient and don’t get distracted by something that might not mean anything, maybe she was a face on an advertisement and that’s why her face and her smile (yes, that smile particularly, and those big brown eyes, also) look so familiar to him. He decides to check that later, though, in the calm of his apartment and go through his old pictures. He will go backward in time trying to find out why does he think he has met her before.

“Regina, why don’t you start by telling me how are you feeling lately?”

He watches her swallow, then bite the edges of her lips with her teeth which makes her mouth scrunch to one side in a gesture that he finds delicious. He knows she might be ordering her ideas, trying to voice her issues the best way.

After some seconds, he hears her talk “I have a situation, and ...hmm ...well, I don’t pretend you to tell me what to do. I’ve attended years of therapy sessions. I think you are aware of that, I understand this doesn’t work that way, but this ... _problem_ has been stressing me out I guess it’s been already a month, and even if I know what I need to do, I feel overwhelmed and I feel I’m about to lose control and freak out any moment. I’ve had some issues in the past, nothing too serious: low self-esteem, anxiety, postpartum depression, depression after the loss of my husband, but now the anxiety is increasing. I can feel it most in the mornings when I wake up with the sensation of wanting to throw up, and I walk in circles in my room for some time as I think about the problem I have, and the solution, that’s actually worse than the problem. And, there’s the guilt also ...I ...I’m feeling guilty for having kept something from someone very important to me for a long time.”

Robin looks at her; he’s seated in an armchair facing her, with a block in one of his hands, and a pen in the other, taking notes from time to time. And there’s something he hasn’t noted before. She’s sassy, direct and is getting anxious as soon as she addressed the problem that seems to be complicating her life.

“I see. You are somatizing. Has this happened before? Or, is this the first time the anxiety reaches this point?” he asks, without taking his eyes away from her.

“I’ve had anxiety before, nothing I couldn’t overcome with therapy, but with my husband’s death, I did feel the same. I ...hmm ...Dr. Hopper prescribed me some medication, then,” she answers, and at that moment he observes she takes her eyes away from him and looks down, to where her hands are and begins rubbing them over and over. She definitely is nervous.

“Regina, look at me; there’s nothing wrong with taking medication, and that’s exactly what I’ll prescribe now. We need a little help with the anxiety. I don’t want it to reach higher levels. Let’s try to get the anxiety under control, so we can deal with the rest later.  It seems you have a pretty complicated problem, don't you? Would you feel comfortable sharing it with me? Would you think it would help?”

He watches her hesitate, opening her mouth as if she’s about to talk only to stop, and then after some seconds, where the only sound in the room is the rhythmic _tic-tac_ of the stylish clock on one of the walls, she says, “It’s ...complicated. I need you to help me handle my anxiety. It has begun to temper with my life and job. My son will find out soon if I don’t control this and I ...I don’t want that.”

It's the way she said the words _‘it's ...complicated’_ what startles him. It's a particular way he has heard before, with a long pause between the two words and a low voice, almost a whisper. He knows where he heard those words, and who said them to him. It doesn’t matter if it was twenty-seven years ago, he still would recognize the way those words sound leaving her mouth.

Shit! This can’t be possible. Maybe it’s all in his mind. Yes, that’s it! It’s his mind concocting and playing tricks with him. How many women around the age of his Queen would say those words in a similar way? He bets she’s not the only one. So, he makes a supernatural effort to recompose himself after the sensation those two words left in him and continues.

“Your son? The information you filled in indicates you have two children, however, you haven’t indicated gender nor age.”

“Oh, I have two sons, but only one lives with me. The older one finished college some years ago and already got a job. He lives on his own and comes to visit from time to time.”

“Hmm …I see …I would need the age of your boys.”

“Twenty-six and fifteen.”

He completes the information she failed to fill in the chart, pretending the digit _twenty-six_ didn’t sound odd or -at least-  a curious coincidence, and without taking his eyes away from the sheet, he says “Maybe this problem has to do with the fact that your younger son will be leaving soon? I guess you two are the only ones in the house and it’s hard to face an empty nest, Regina.”

“This problem and all this anxiety I’m feeling  ...well, it’s not about my sons leaving ...this situation I have has to do with my sons, yes, but I’m not sure I want to talk about it ...yet, Dr. Locksley,” she answers.

“Please, call me Robin. I want you to feel comfortable while I treat you and a first name basis helps. Believe me. It does.”

The session runs smoothly after that ...well as smooth as a first session could be when he analyzes each of her words and gestures thoroughly and delves into his memories of twenty-seven years ago to determine to what extent this woman could be the woman he calls his Queen. However, he notices it’s him the one doing most of the talking and asking Regina for some details than Regina talking or opening up about her issues. He knows this is something that should be expected for a first session, so it doesn’t worry him much.

Still, he can say there’s something off with her since the minute he greeted her. He feels there’s a barrier between them, one she puts every time she says _‘I know how this works’_ , _‘It’s not about that’_ or _‘I don’t want to address that topic’_ and he can’t get through it.

The hour passes by very quickly, and when she is about to leave, even after having said goodbye and the regular _see you next week_ he doesn't fail to add when his patients are crossing the threshold of his office, she surprises him.

He’s standing by the door, waiting for her to step out when he watches her turn around and out of nowhere say, “Er …Robin …I ...I want to ask you something. Hmm …have ...have we met before?”

His heart stops and he gulps trying to buy some time to think what to say next; there’s no chance that he would answer with the truth because answering with a ‘ _yes, I think we had sex years ago’_ to a patient would only make him earn a well-deserved slap in the face and a complaint to the board. So, not coming up with a better answer he lies, “I don’t think so, Regina. I doubt I’d ever forget meeting you.”

* * *

 

**_To be continued..._ **


	3. The Queen and the Man with the  Lion Tattoo

She curses herself for the moment in which seeking professional help crossed her mind and seemed a good idea. Not only it hasn’t helped a bit, but also things have gotten worse since she left Dr. Locksley’s office last Wednesday.

A week has passed since then, Regina is still anxious, and the medication Dr. Locksley prescribed her hasn’t helped at all. Well, being honest it might have helped if she had only one problem to deal with at the same time, but since now she has another motive to feel anxious, she suspects those meds aren’t enough to do the job.

She has endured the whole week feeling like shit, and she doesn’t know if she should attend this second session with Dr. Locksley …er …Robin or just call to cancel. That man has shaken up her entire inner world, memories, feelings ...everything just after she heard his voice with that accent which reminded her of a night twenty-seven years ago.

She thinks she’s overreacting, but still, the anxiety refuses to leave. So, she decides to analyze facts, real ones, and she finds that besides that accent and those dimples …Oh! and those eyes, yes, those blue eyes, she has no evidence that might lead her to think her shrink is the man she had a fling with more than two (almost three) decades ago and, worse, the biological father of her son. How many people living in this same town have a British accent, dimples and deep blue eyes? Hundreds.

Also, there’s the fact that he, himself, confirmed not remembering her. Shit, how mortifying!  And, actually, what are the odds that she gets to come together with a man she knew from one only time and who lived in another continent? Zero, she answers herself.

So, there’s nothing to worry aside from having made a fool of herself asking him if he thought they had met before, which clearly he denied, or didn’t remember at all.

She feels embarrassed for having had that theory stuck in her head for a week, and for making her son worry with her stress. In fact, that’s exactly what has made her examine the facts objectively, and realize there's no reasonable evidence supporting the theory that has been torturing her for seven long days.

Henry’s _‘mom are you feeling well? should I call Roland?’_   has made her feel worse. She should be looking after her son and not the other way around, and that’s the reason that makes her want to attend a second appointment with the man she has mistaken for a former one night stand.

* * *

 

Regina arrives ten minutes in advance of her second appointment with Dr. Robin Locksley and has time to clear her head while she waits for her turn, and when she stands up to walk towards his office, she has already shaken off the thoughts that have been bothering her for a week. If she didn't know any better, she wouldn't think she sheltered those absurd ideas that long, making her anxious during the days and keeping her awake during the nights. She even feels stupid each time she remembers her concerns during that time, and she's sure people can see her blushing because of the ridiculousness of her suspicions.  Anyway, blush or no blush, absurd thoughts or not, she finds herself walking to an office for a second session with a man that for whatever reason has been in her head for more time than what she would have thought when she first decided to seek for help.

As she walks inside to take a seat in the very same couch she rubbed her hands out of nervousness, and that witnessed her reaction when she thought she recognized a familiar voice (and accent ...yes, the accent), she evaluates the ins and outs of opening up to him.

On one hand, if there’s someone that can be on her side is this man, she's paying him, it's his job, one that Dr. Hopper said he is very skilled at, even if -up to now- it doesn’t seem he knows what he’s doing.  Maybe she just needs to give him a chance. On the other hand, she doesn’t feel like opening up yet, she needs to build a relationship based on trust with her therapist, and she still isn’t there. She hopes she can get there soon, but it won’t be today.

She sits on the couch across of him, and this time she feels more relaxed. Having analyzed real facts over mere suppositions was a good thing to do, she reminds herself and sighs in relief, and Robin must notice something different in her because of the _‘I see you are better, Regina’_ that he says just after greeting her. And yes, she feels better, yet not because of him, but merely because she decided to assess things differently. She smiles satisfied at that thought and even lets a little giggle escape.

The session runs smoothly; she’s relaxed; she isn’t afraid anymore that he might recognize her because it’s clear now that they don’t know each other and have never met before. She looks at him in another way; she finds him attractive, very good looking, and sexy; she’s always had a thing for men with hair with silver tones, and her doctor is no exception, so when he puts on his reading glasses to check some information on her chart, she finds him more attractive even. She thinks how worried or uneasy or uncomfortable (or all of the above) she must have been on their first session because she didn’t notice him wearing those glasses and he definitely must have put them on when he went through her form, something he did more than once, actually. So, during this session, she finds different reasons (and more pleasing ones) to be distracted than those that avoided her to focus during last week’s appointment.

And, even if she doesn’t get to talk about the exact things that are bothering her lately, she is surprised about the amount of information she, willingly and easily, shares with him.

She doesn’t imagine that the sensation of confidence and relief of having disregarded the absurd idea that this man is his father’s son and former lover, will soon disappear.

* * *

The next weeks pass by differently for Robin and Regina.

Regina’s life is almost as always. She splits her time among her weekly therapy sessions, trying to spend some time with her sons, her daily routine at the gym (she won’t skip a day if it is the last thing she does), and the demanding project she’s working on. Changing the graphic line of an important company is a big deal, and she needs to meet with different people involved in the process: web designers, marketing advisors, digital illustrators, her client, her staff …

However, although her activities are the same as they had been during the last years, there’s one thing that’s different: a sudden and increasing interest on Wednesday’s sessions with Dr. Locksley. Yes, she noticed it a while ago, after the second or third session with him.  She attends those sessions happy, and she has yet to discover if that eagerness has to do with the help she is beginning to receive or because of the feelings she has started to develop towards that man.

And even though if by her second session she had already disregarded the thoughts that she might have spent the weekend with this man twenty-seven years ago and that he might be her son’s father sometimes those ideas come back all of a sudden to plague her mind and test her, triggered by random circumstances. When he speaks some expressions sound so familiar to her. The same happens when he shows those dimples every time his smile appears in his face, and she sees the resemblance with her son, only to think seconds later that a pair of dimples is exactly the same in everyone, isn’t it? And, with the way she feels his expressive blue eyes seeing through her right into her soul, rather than looking at her.

She still doesn’t know if the moments in which she thinks he’s the man she sought for months and the one she has been thinking about more time than she’d want to admit are provoked by real memories. Is it solely the desire to replace a man she once met and whose company she enjoyed far too much (well, being honest she enjoyed more than his company ...er ... his hands, mouth, tongue …and other parts of him), with the man she has in front of her every Wednesday afternoon for the last six weeks? A man of flesh and blood replacing a ghost of the past, a memory  ...maybe that’s what’s behind the feelings she has been experiencing for some time now, and the reason she hasn’t been able yet to trust him with her _problem_.

In fact, her _problem_ seems to be the tip of the iceberg and not the only issue that needs to be addressed, and ...well, Regina is a human being after all and has decided to begin discussing the easier topics, leaving the real shit for later. However, she knows there’s only one way out of her problem, and she needs to be prepared for Roland’s reaction whenever she decides to tell him the truth, and for Henry’s whenever he finds out.

Therefore, during these six weeks, she had been able to open up about several circumstances of her life.  She shared with him how she struggled with the sensation of abandonment she felt when her father died during her teen years, leaving her alone to deal with her mother. She allowed some tears to fall, remembering the sudden loss of her husband, and the fact that she became a widow, in a blink of an eye, with a son in college and a pre-teen in the house, each of them dealing differently with the loss of a husband and father. But, she failed to mention Roland’s biological father.

Nonetheless, all along with her confessions and sufferings from the past, these six weeks had also been about anticipation, excitement, and, why not, soft smiles, subtle...very subtle flirting (they are doctor and patient, after all), accidental touches, nice chats that sometimes lasted far more than the official fifty minutes of her session (those are the perks of being the last patient on schedule).

Six weeks, six sessions and six hours in his company. She tells herself it’s not much time to develop anything for anyone and that, definitely, she has confused things for what they aren’t. She is well aware she knows nothing about this man, he most likely is happily married, and she understands there’s no point in encouraging any interest in him. It’s her desire of wanting and needing to give some answers to her son, and it happens that this man and the father of her son just have some points of coincidence.

That’s all.

................

Things for Robin are a little different. His life these last weeks has been far from ordinary.

Each Wednesday afternoon after finishing the session with Regina, he watches her leave. He stands by his door, lingers there until she’s gone. He waits until he sees her disappear into the elevator after the doors close, expecting when she might startle him anytime with one of her questions, just as she did on their first session. But, there’s no need to wait for a question from her to be surprised because he’s already astonished by her and there’s no point in denying that he has met her before. He’s more convinced each time their session ends, after an hour listening and watching her, that she’s the woman that has been in his dreams for the last twenty-seven years: his Queen.

And after every single session he’s had with her, he hurries home (it seems now he does have a reason to leave quickly from work) and goes to check his early nineties photographic albums with the expectation of confirming his suspicions. He thinks someone that was with him that night must have taken a picture of her ...or of both of them.

He was part of a huge group of people, at least a party of fifteen: six were his friends and the rest, some people they met during the last part of their two-month journey through different countries. They all had decided to go to this bar, _The Rabbit Hole_ , Robin and his friends were returning home that Tuesday, and it was a Friday night, the night before Halloween, that he remembers well. It was the perfect chance for a farewell, to say goodbye to the people they had met during that vacation or adventure trip, or whatever they wanted to call it. The bar was crowded. It was one of the most popular spots in Maine; someone had said it had everything: good music, nice drinks, a fancy decoration ...and her. It had had everything, indeed.

Each time he goes through those pictures, he thinks about the circumstances of their encounter and tries to chase away those memories because he needs all his concentration and strength to examine them and has found out it’s an exhausting task. And, in fact, it is because rather than albums labelled and organized by the date, he has random pictures in several boxes somewhere in a dusty room in his apartment that serves as a storage for useless stuff.

He has to search for those boxes and check every single one of them and all their contents just to figure out if the pictures match those of 1992, the year they met.

He’s trying to find an answer to an encounter that happened when there were no cell phones with integrated cameras (well, actually no cell phones at all), and no social media to post what life was like. He and his friends had cameras, they were on a trip that began in South America, so it was kind of an exotic destination, one neither of them was going to return soon, so they had wanted to capture each moment of their adventure. They had taken a lot of pictures, but he saw none until after his return home. There were no digital cameras, so they had to develop the pictures, take them to the photo lab, pick them up, and when finally he had the pictures with him the locations were all mixed up  ...shit! He finds that some of the pictures have, in one of its sides, the date printed, others have a little brief on the back side, but still, with that information, it’s very tiring and he has to deal with feelings of disappointment each time he closes a box with no clues about her.

For weeks he has gone through these shitty boxes with pictures and pictures of years long gone; of old friends, some of them still good friends, others no longer around; of places that might be different now or don’t exist anymore, like _The Rabbit Hole_ ...but, there’s no trace of her.

He doesn’t know yet, but he’s looking in the wrong place. He doesn’t imagine he has always had the exact place that would help reveal this mystery in front of his eyes …every Wednesday afternoon. Let alone, that another set of pictures, not so far away from where he is now, will be the ones bringing him a revelation that would change his entire life.

* * *

Robin checks his watch eagerly and knows she’s late. It’s odd. She’s annoyingly timely, but today something must have gotten in the way because she’s late ...and he’s desperate to see her. This will be the seventh Wednesday on a row she has come to a session with him and with each week that passes, the time between sessions has become excruciatingly long for him, and this additional five minutes he has already waited for her, aren’t helping at all.

His thoughts are interrupted by his secretary announcing Ms. Mills, and he sighs in relief and anticipation.

They have worked an interesting dynamic: she enters his office, greets him and heads to the couch, where she sits. He remains seated at his desk as he grabs his notebook, pen, and her file, while they make small talk and those five or ten minutes have become very useful to develop some trust, to get to know something about each other, something different from Regina’s anxiety and past. And well, maybe he knows more about her than what she knows about him and his life, but he’s the doctor, and he’s the one who gets to ask the personal questions, and not her.

So, Robin listens to her as she talks about random stuff: the traffic, the meeting she had earlier, or the weather ...anything. But, this particular Wednesday is different. First, it is that Regina is late; then, he notes she seems agitated, and it’s not because of the weather, it’s spring, middle April, so no, not warm weather yet, but since she stepped into his office and after her _‘Sorry, I’m late’_ apologizing for her lateness, he noticed she’s unsettled and definitely not comfortable. She must have been in a hurry and entered the building walking quickly to arrive in time (or at least not too late) because it seems she’s feeling hot with her jacket on for the way she puffs delicately in a failed attempt to freshen up (something that he finds delightful). She’s carrying that crimson briefcase, yes, the one that she hasn’t failed to bring with her to every session, which this time seems to be heavier than usual. So, as they both begin talking about everything and nothing, in particular, he watches her standing up from the couch, and taking her jacket off, revealing a nice cold shoulder blouse, which exposes her beautiful shoulders and upper arms to him. It’s the first time he gets to see that much of her; the weather has not helped the prior sessions, and even if it’s not helping this time, he won’t complain at her apparent turmoil.

Robin watches her taking her jacket off, as he pretends to find his pen in a drawer alternating his gaze so that he can check her out from time to time, and, when she turns around so that she can hang her jacket in the hanger, he spots something he’d recognize everywhere.

On her right shoulder blade, he gets to see the tattoo that’s been haunting his dreams: a delicate design of a five point-crown in black ink. He thanks God that she is still hanging her jacket and is unaware of the realization that just hit him because he is paralyzed and unable to react. However, even if he can’t talk or think about what to say next, his body is the one responding to that revelation and is experiencing some physical effects due to his discovery. He feels his heart begins beating so fast, he’s afraid he’ll have a heart attack at that moment; the temperature of his body is raising, and he can sense an unbearable heat all over his cheeks. He knows what this means (he’s a medical doctor after all): his blood pressure must be in the clouds, at least he’s glad he took his daily medication for this condition.

Regina is already seated on the couch (and he didn’t even notice) when she realizes something’s happening to him, because of the way she asks him “What? ...Is something wrong?”

He doesn’t know how to answer to a simple question like that and debates whether to tell her what he just found out or to try to mask his feelings and continue with the session the best way he can. And this second option is a very challenging one because he needs to pretend there’s no excitement, or anticipation, or concern, or nervousness, and that’s simply too much for him to handle at once.

It’s the first time in his life where he doesn’t know how to approach a complicated situation, and he has had several ones, considering his field of practice. He decides to go with what his gut tells him.

“Regina ...er ...hmm ...I ...I lied to you,” are the only words that come out of his mouth as he watches her expression changing in seconds from one of comfort and relax to one of shock.

“What do you mean? How could you have lied to me? When?” she asks showing surprise.

“Hmm, well, actually I said a half-truth,” Robin replies and watches her for any reaction, but she’s just looking at him attentively, so he continues “Hmm...at the end of our first session you asked me if I thought we could have met before, and, well, I said that no, that I would never forget meeting you.”

He watches her and notes how she tenses. She changes her position on the couch, and for a second he thinks she is going to stand up and leave, but no, she just stands up a little and sits in another position, one which denotes alertness. She’s not relaxed anymore, and he curses himself for that, but what worries him most is that he reads fear in her eyes. She remains silent as if waiting for him to continue, and so he does.

“I lied when I told you I didn’t think possible we had met before, but I told the truth about being unable to forget you,” he finishes and feels lighter after saying those words. However, what doesn’t make him feel any better is that it seems he has just passed the weight he carried directly to her.

“Wh ...what do you mean?”

And instead of answering her, he lifts the right sleeve of his shirt, showing her the image of a lion tattoo stamped in black ink in his forearm.

He watches how she opens her eyes in disbelief ….and only hears her say “I …I’m sorry ...I ....” as she stands up and rushes to the door running away from him …briefcase, jacket and session left behind.

* * *

**_To_ _be continued ..._ **

 


	4. A Shocking Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Discussion about the implications of revealing the truth about bio father to an adult son.

Autopilot. That’s how Regina must have gotten home because she doesn’t remember Mulan asking her why she was leaving if she had just arrived, or walking towards her car, or driving home. She only realizes having arrived when she hears Henry saying, “Mom, are you okay? You’re shivering. Let me bring you something hot to drink.”

There’s when she realizes she has no personal belongings other than her purse, but can’t even answer her son because she needs to get to the privacy of a bathroom. So, she rushes upstairs, gets into her bedroom, closes the door and runs into her bathroom just in time to reach the toilet and throw up, avoiding making a mess elsewhere.

It’s the first time in ages she pukes her guts out because of nervousness, and she doesn’t like how it feels. Her heart continues beating so fast and hard that if she pays enough attention, she can see how her blouse moves at the pace of it.

It takes some minutes to calm down and a false alarm that makes her rush again to the toilet. After freshening up and using some mouthwash, she lays in bed just thinking about the events in Robin's office, only to be interrupted by a knock on her door and Henry asking her if she’s okay. After lying to her son, which, actually, makes her feel worse, and telling him she had food poisoning and that some rest would help, she continues with her struggle.

She wishes she had her father with her. Those are the moments where she misses his embrace and soft words of support, regardless that she’s now a fifty-year-old woman and she is the one supposed to be taking care of others and not the other way around. However, since her father is dead, and her mother is Cora Mills she must settle for the little comfort her own arms across her chest provide her.

She hears her phone buzzing and when she looks at the screen finds out it’s Robin calling. She doesn’t answer. What would she say to him? She would need to tell the truth, and she must admit she is afraid of his reaction, even if she hasn’t done anything on purpose to keep things from him. Both have been victims of their own immaturity; she understands that, but it doesn’t help.

He might be thinking she found a former lover, but he certainly would never imagine that her son, the one she has brought up several times during therapy, is his son as well. Shit!

It’s already a shitty situation to find out her psychiatrist, the man she spilled her darkest secrets, fears, guilts …everything (well, almost everything) is the same man she had sex with years ago and didn’t recognize because she failed to ask his name after (or before) fucking him. However, it’s even worse to confirm this man is the father of her son, and that this revelation entails two circumstances that scare the shit out of her: there’s a man who doesn’t know he has a son, and there’s a son who thinks his biological father is dead. So, after having realized the latter, the fact that she is attracted to that same man and might be developing some feelings towards him is the least of her concerns.

...........

Regina doesn’t get any rest that night, let alone any sleep, and the first light of dawn on Thursday finds her in bed, staring at the ceiling with red, puffy eyes that show what she had been doing all night long.

She realizes she can’t contact the one person that has been supporting her during the last weeks because there’s no way that she’d call Robin after the session (or _no-session_ ) of the day before, at least until she decides how she’ll approach this issue.

Actually, it’s not that she has no one to stand by her. She has Mary Margaret, a beloved friend, whose husband David became in time one of Daniel’s best friends, who knows all the history about Roland and surprisingly has kept that secret for years, something which had always amazed Regina considering how difficult it had been for Mary Margaret to keep other information confidential. However, it seems when it’s serious stuff Mary Margaret knows how to keep her mouth shut. But, she doesn’t want to relive the last events telling Mary Margaret about how everything began after her fiftieth birthday; how she began feeling overwhelmed with his dark little secret; how her mind travelled back in time twenty-seven years ago, and how she had suspected her psychiatrist was Roland’s father, disregarding those ideas upon further analysis, only to find out weeks later she had been wrong ...again. No, she doesn’t have the strength to go through that. Least of all to hear those _‘I told you so, Regina’_ she’s certain Mary Margaret would let slip somewhere throughout their conversation because, in fact, she has never thought it was a good idea to keep the truth from Roland.  Mary Margaret had always told Regina that she and Daniel needed to tell the truth to their son, that it wouldn’t change the wonderful father/son relationship they built over the years, that if they didn’t, that secret sooner or later would backlash. Shit! How right she’d been! ...and she hates to admit it.

There’s Tink also, one of the few friends from the time of her encounter with Robin that is still close to Regina. Tink had been with Regina the night she met Robin. Tink had been trying to cheer Regina up after her break up with a boyfriend. Regina had just found out the bastard was cheating on her, and the man had admitted that yes, that he tried to find with someone else, what she was unable to give him, and that revelation had torn Regina down. Not only she had to deal with the separation, but also with insecurity and low self-esteem issues arisen by what her ex had said to her.

Tink thought it’d be a good idea to go to a bar and The Rabbit Hole seemed a good choice. They were having such a good time together. A hot blonde and a hotter brunette draw attention anywhere, and even if the place was crowded, everyone’s eyes had been on them.

Tink had been the one that had encouraged Regina to leave the bar in the company of a complete stranger ...What were they even thinking? She rolls her eyes thinking about the lack of judgment of her younger self. Definitely, she knew shit about perverts, serial killers, or other dangers, and she has thanked God countless times that the result of her (and his) lack of common sense (and of a condom) had been a pregnancy, and not her murder or a life-threatening disease. She’s sure that nowadays, she’d never leave in a company of a man of whom she knows nothing ...not even his name. But then things had been different and she wasn’t looking for sex, not at the beginning, anyway,  that came later, she only agreed to go with him because of the comfort, the nice chat, and the fun he was offering her.

And, there’s another thing why Tink would be a better choice for a shoulder to cry on than Mary Margaret. Tink was the first person that knew about Regina’s pregnancy and supported her the whole nine months (well, a little less because Roland came some weeks earlier) while her own mother rejected her. No wonder why Regina chose Tink as Roland’s godmother.

But not only Tink had supported her, but she had also tried to find _the man with the lion tattoo,_ as both of them called this man, without luck. Regina still can hear Tink saying ‘We’ll find him Regina’’, but they never succeeded.

Her thoughts are interrupted when she realizes she forgot her briefcase in Robin’s office and she has some stuff she needs for a meeting later that day. Shit, her day hasn’t officially begun and it already sucks.

She waits patiently until 9:00 am, the time where she knows Mulan arrives. She phones the woman and as she waits for Mulan to answer the phone; Regina thinks about what she would tell her as an excuse for her sudden departure just after having arrived the day before. However, Mulan surprises her when she asks how’s her son feeling and adds that Robin told her she had to leave in a rush the day before because of an emergency with her son. God bless Robin! He just saved her the mortification of having to make up a story that might have involved Henry’s health, and that would have made her feel worse.

So, Regina asks Mulan to send her stuff home in a cab, which she agrees gladly saying goodbye with a, “See you next Wednesday, Regina,” that only makes Regina remember she won’t show up that day.

Regina doesn’t hear any news about Mulan or about her briefcase and jacket for what’s left of the day, forcing her to reschedule the meeting she was supposed to have that afternoon.

However, her phone doesn’t cease buzzing from time to time during all day, only to make her sigh, shake her head and let whoever keeps calling (well, she knows who’s the one calling) leave a message that she won’t listen either. There’s no way she will answer that call, at least for now.

.............

Friday is worse ...and she doesn’t imagine how bad it’ll get.

Regina will be having dinner with her sons and must pretend everything is fine, that she’s her usual self, while inside her feelings and emotions are in constant struggle, and there’s a latent worry that she’ll lose control and not show her best.

She won’t lie, maybe pretending was just what she needs because for some time that afternoon she got to forget the events of the last two days and focus on the hard work that a _Lasagna Bolognese_ , prepared using the traditional recipe, involves. She excels preparing it, and she is aware it’s her sons’ favorite dish which both have been looking very much forward to have for dinner for a while. It’s a family recipe from her father’s side, one that her aunt shared with her after she married Daniel. Everything is homemade, even the pasta dough; however, she cheats on this because she found that little Italian shop that has fresh handmade pasta dough and it saves her a lot of trouble. Nonetheless, Regina takes good care that all the other ingredients have the highest quality (not that the pasta dough hasn’t!): fresh tomatoes, onions and carrots, olive oil, ground beef, mozzarella and parmesan cheese (the one labeled as _Parmigiano-Reggiano_ , yes the one with the designation of origin and not those labeled as parmesan that can be found everywhere). She prepares by herself the red and bechamel sauces, and can proudly say she can give a masterclass on how to avoid those pesky lumps in a bechamel sauce.

It seems she needed a different activity to distract her mind, and cooking has always soothed her.

By the time the three of them sit at the table, she realizes she might have a chance to survive dinner because Robin or his tattoo haven’t been in her mind for the last hours.  Some hours later she would find out the sensation of having things under control had only been the calm before the storm.

...............

“Mom, it’s ....mmmm ...delicious. I ...have missed this,” says Roland making an effort not to speak with his mouth full which doesn’t go unnoticed for Regina who exclaims “Manners!” so that Henry doesn’t miss the motherly advice.

“I’m glad you are enjoying it, Roland. I don’t prepare _lasagna_ frequently. It’s a lot of work for just the two of us,” adds Regina.

“Hey, it’s not fair,” exclaims Henry “I don’t get to enjoy a lot of things because it’s only _‘the two of us_ ’” he continues, air quoting the last words, which makes Regina and Roland gaze at each other in understanding what this is about: a teenage tantrum.

“Well, it’s a lot of work, Henry, and, besides, it wouldn’t taste as good as it does if you’d get to have it daily ...so, don’t be a pain in the ass to mom and stop complaining ...you’ll soon begin to appreciate having it two times a year when your daily meal is Ramen or Mac and Cheese,” says Roland smiling and showing his dimples. And Regina notes that rather than recalling an encounter with a dimpled man twenty-seven years ago, as usually has happened, the sight of her son’s dimples makes her think now about Robin and what happened two days ago.

It’s good to put a name to a memory. It really is, and she is just getting used to it. But, what doesn’t feel good at all is that instead of recalling good memories, as it has always been for more than two decades, she now thinks about her latest discovery …er ...in Robin being Roland’s father and feeling like shit because of having kept this from her son.

Roland’s voice brings her to reality “By the way, Henry, have you already decided which college will you be going? Will you go to law school like Dad and me, or maybe something more creative like Mom?”

“I don’t know yet. It’s so hard to choose, and I feel like there’s a lot I would need to know before I can make a choice, and still everyone expects me to do it kind of fast,” answers Henry to his older brother.

“Yeah, I know. It was the same for me. Those years were kind of complicated, making a choice that might affect the rest of your life when you are just beginning to live your life was kind of stressing. When I was about to go to college, Dad told me I should find something in which I excelled; something where I was the best, and from there I should narrow my possibilities …I found out I was pretty good talking, communicating, and finding out ways to understand things in different ways that would still be right, and that’s when I came with the idea of going to law school, just as Dad had. And once he even took me to his office and to court and it was good, you know? To have a look from the inside was interesting. If you want I can take you to my job next week ...hmm ...I have a hearing scheduled ...that might be pretty cool, huh? What do you say?”

Regina looks at her sons’ interaction, and thanks God for the beautiful human beings they have become, as she thinks about the good job she and Daniel did raising them ....well, she still has some work to do with Henry.  She can’t help but notice that even if Roland isn’t Daniel’s biological son, he looks much like her husband. It’s the way Roland talks, so supportive towards his brother, the tone in his voice, the things he says …what he just told Henry is exactly the kind of advice Daniel would have given him ...well, actually, he did give him that advice. Nonetheless, this time she gets to recognize some features of Robin in her son, as well. She might have failed to note some details before because of the time that passed since the last time she saw the man, but now that she has discovered she’s had him in front of her for the last six weeks, she notices other aspects, aside from her son’s dimples that for years were the only reminders of Roland’s DNA.

As she watches her son, she realizes she hasn’t seen him in a month, and can’t avoid the chills after realizing how much he looks like Robin. Maybe he has always resembled him, but now that she has seen Robin with her own eyes and knows how he looks for real she can’t hide her surprise. Roland has let his beard grow during the last month and has this stubble neatly trimmed, which makes the resemblance more evident, even though Roland’s hair is dark as hers and not the shade of blond Robin used to have. She finds Roland’s smile very much like Robin’s. The form of his nose too, yes, Roland has his father’s nose too, undoubtedly. The way Roland bites his lower lip when he smiles; she always has been wondering from where did Roland get that habit, well now she’s gotten her answer because she noted Robin does that too.

The observation of her son’s feature is abruptly interrupted by the ring of the bell, which startles the three of them.

“Are you expecting someone, mom?” asks Roland.

“No, that I know. Maybe it’s someone looking for Henry. Let me go and check.”

“No. I’ll go, mom. You stay and finish your dinner,” says Roland as he stands up, puts the napkin on the table, just as he knows his mother likes, and heads to the door to find out who’s the one interrupting their family time.

What Roland will say next will make Regina want to empty her stomach right there.

* * *

108 Mifflin Street. That’s the address Mulan gave him, and that mansion has that number on its front and is located in that same street. There’s no chance it’s a mistake. However, it surprises him for two reasons.

First, it’s not the choice of a house he would have thought Regina would be comfortable living in. From the little he knew from their encounter years ago, and the new things he has discovered in therapy with her, even if it’s evident she has no financial struggles and likes fancy clothes and accessories (Mulan has made pretty clear that crimson briefcase he’s carrying is expensive shit), she’s a practical woman, modern, elegant but not someone that would fit the typical classic style, nor the stereotype of the wealthy middle-aged woman. He would have thought that rather than a two-story mansion, with at least five bedrooms (three of which might be empty) and a garage where could easily fit four cars in it, she would have preferred a fancy modern apartment, with less empty rooms and easier (and cheaper, that’s what he thinks, he’s not sure Regina would be bothered by expenses) to clean.

And, second, it’s that her neighborhood is not far from his apartment, and he never once has run into her at the grocery shop, jogging or at the drugstore.

Suddenly, he realizes he has already been waiting for some seconds after having rung the bell, so he goes for a second try ...and waits. It’s a Friday night and, maybe, she isn’t home, even. Anyway, he won’t ring a third time, so if no one opens the door, he will just have to go. Although, he has dreamt countless times about the moment when he finally discovers the identity of his Queen, he won’t intrude if she doesn’t want to see him, and it seems she doesn’t even want to hear from him because she hasn’t answered any of his calls.

Standing by the door, with her jacket in one hand and her briefcase in the other, waiting for someone to open the door is torture. He has been worried for her since the moment she ran away from him, two days ago, and that’s the other reason (and actually the perfect excuse) why he has been calling her with such persistence. He is a doctor,  _ her _ doctor, so from the moment she stepped out of his office he had a responsibility towards her, and he needs to know she’s okay. He’s also there to tell her he has requested Dr. Little to continue treating her because he has now a conflict of interests. He wants to date her, not to treat her (maybe he would avoid telling her that last part, he hasn’t made up his mind yet).

His thoughts are interrupted by someone talking on the intercom. It’s a man’s voice; a “Yes?” that says she was with someone and at least not alone, and it relieves him.

“Good night, is this Regina Mills’ house?” he asks.

“Who wants to know?” replies the same voice from inside the house.

“I’m Dr. Robin Locksley. She forgot some personal belongings in my office on Wednesday, and I’m here to be sure she gets them back,” he answers not giving further details about what kind of doctor he is or what type of consultation is Regina attending.

“Oh, thanks, let me open the door,” says the same voice again.

Robin doesn’t wait long before the door opens only to reveal a young man that politely greets him, letting him in as he introduces himself. “Hello doctor, I’m Roland, Regina’s son Oh! Mom must have been in a real hurry to forget that briefcase ...her life is inside it. If you’re only bringing back the stuff you can just give it to me ...er...we were just finishing dinner. And, thanks again for going through the trouble of bringing these back yourself. I would have gladly helped mom picking them up.”

After hearing the young man referring to Regina as ‘ _ mom’ _ , he confirms his suspicions that the one talking to him is Regina’s older son, Roland, yes, that’s his name. Robin notices Roland has Regina’s hair color, and his whole appearance is very neat, just as his mother, with nothing out of place. He wonders if her younger son has also inherited that from her, just like her older son has.

“Nice to meet you, Roland. Please, call me Robin, and ...hmm ...I apologize for the bad timing, but I was passing by and wanted to be sure your mother got her things before the weekend. Hmm …look ...I would like to have a word with your mother. It won’t take long. I can wait for dinner to end or come back later after all of you are finished.” 

Robin is determined to talk to Regina. Bringing back her stuff had been a pretense he had at hand when he caught Mulan asking for a cab to send Regina’s items back. He had to improvise and make up a story saying Mulan that it wouldn’t be a problem for him to take back her things, since it happened he would be nearby. However, it hadn’t worked the way Robin had planned because smartass Mulan had answered him  _ ‘And how do you know where she lives? Regina failed to fill that information in the form I gave her the first day she came, and phoned to give me her address. Nearby, huh?’ _  Busted!  _ ‘Give me the damn things, Mulan … and the address to check if the one I have is okay’ _ was the only thing he’d said before leaving with Regina’s belongings and a slight blush as evidence of his mortification.

Still, coming back or waiting wouldn’t be necessary because of the answer Regina’s son gives him. 

“Hmm ...I guess she must have finished already. Please, follow me, and wait here for her. Make yourself comfortable, Robin.”

Roland leads Robin into a room, that’s definitely a study. On one side there’s a modern desk, with a computer, two monitors, a printer and some designs that seem to have just been printed and left there to check them out later. Across the desk there’s a couch and a little coffee table; on the walls there are some posters that he guesses must be a selection of Regina’s designs. He recognizes some of them because he had seen them in advertisements on the street and on tv. There’s one wall that has nice wooden shelves with books, pictures of the family, some decorations, candles, souvenirs ... the kind of stuff that gives a house the spirit of a home and a glimpse of those who live there.

He’s curious about her and her life during the twenty-seven years he knew nothing about her, so he goes to take a look at those pictures, hoping they'll give him a peek of her life during those years.

There’s a picture of her wedding, a young Regina just like he remembered her, with an elegant bun (it seems she had long hair, like when they met) and dressed in an elegant wedding gown with the groom by her side, both smiling happily and in love. Between them a little boy, hardly older than three-years-old, is grinning to the camera showing a pair of dimples. He thinks that boy must be Regina’s older son, the one that just opened the door for him. Hmm ...now that he confirmed she’s his Queen, he wants to know more about her life and as he goes through those pictures he finds some things that don’t fit the story he built about Regina during the last two days. 

She told him the age of her older son, and it surprises him that Roland must have been born some months after their encounter ...hmm...maybe she met her husband and got pregnant right after they went separate ways. Perhaps her husband, the man she was married for almost two decades, was that shitty boyfriend she had just broken up with when they met, and it happened that the man came to his senses, win Regina back and had a child before marrying. He never asked about the date of her wedding ...it was irrelevant for him ...but now, seeing the picture of that day it’s clear she had the child first and married after.

Robin continues looking at the photos on the shelves. There are many of Regina and her husband, and of the two of them with Roland as he grew up: first days of school, birthday parties, Christmasses with Roland by the Christmas tree and his presents, school plays. There are also those of father and son: Father’s Days at school, a random day at the park, first bike ride. 

Then, it seems the family grew because he finds some photographs with an addition to the family: another boy, and there’s the classic shot at the hospital with the whole family and the older brother, a pre-teen by that time, holding the baby. There’s when a detail catches his attention: it’s odd there are no  pictures of mother and father with Roland as a newborn ...well, one that he can find, anyway. 

He spots several photos of the four of them: the younger son's first birthday, Christmas, on vacation at the beach, on a trip to Disney, another one of the four of them in the rainforest with amazing landscapes, there’s one on Roland’s graduation from high school and one that makes him crack a smile. The photograph is definitely from prom-party and there is Roland, standing by the side of a young girl, with his parents and brother at their sides, showing an expression of total embarrassment. He reminds himself not to force Raven to take a  picture like that, however, that’s not probable considering his ex wouldn’t want him near her, least of all in a family picture that would last for posterity.

Robin continues looking at the collection of photos with his utmost attention, unconcerned about t the fact that these are private family moments Regina might not want to share with him. He notes some of them are framed individually, others, are part of a collage, and some are even unframed. There’s particularly one that draws his attention. It’s an image of the four of them, it seems on the day Roland left for college. The four of them are smiling, each of them doing something different. Regina and her younger boy, somehow aware that the picture is being taken, smile to the camera as they step inside a car. Roland and his father are completely oblivious to the fact that someone is capturing the moment in a photograph. Roland is carrying his luggage and placing it in the trunk with the help of his father, and what makes that picture so beautiful is the way the man helps his son, but at the same time smiles at him with such an emotion that anyone looking at it can sense the love that man had towards his son and the struggle of the moment because the son was leaving. He wonders who captured that moment of the four of them. It isn’t a shot taken by an automatic timer, it must have been someone very close to the family.

It breaks his heart, though, to find out the pictures of the four of them stop around that time (maybe there are a couple more of the four of them, one it seems it’s a Thanksgiving celebration and one from a Christmas dinner which includes other people, as well). It’s clear Regina’s husband’s death happened after those were taken.

Those images show the life Regina has had during the last years, and he’s happy to know she had a partner that loved her, one that besides was a great father and was present in each event of his children’s lives, like those pictures display. 

He notes there are other photographs on the upper shelf. Old pictures, those that don’t come from a digital camera by any means and they catch his attention. They’re not framed, they’re stacked in several groups. It seems they’ve been stored somewhere else and someone (Regina?) has been looking at them recently because it appears that person went through the trouble of distributing them according to some particular criteria. There are larger groups, and those with one or two pictures in it.

As soon as he looks at them, he  takes a trip back in time twenty-seven years ago. There she is with that friend of her he recognizes as well, a blonde, the one that was with Regina that night at that bar, making silly faces to the camera. There are other pictures of her, just as he remembers her from their encounter: young, full of life and energy, carefree, beautiful, with long hair (she has it now shorter, above her shoulders, and maybe that has been one of the reasons it took so long for him to recognize her).

He goes through a group of images that has a post-it with a date written on it ‘ _ 1992’ _ . Shit, it’s the year he met her, that he knows. It seems she has taken a trip down memory lane just as he had the previous weeks. 

Robin grabs that group, puts his reading glasses on so he doesn’t miss a thing, passes one by one as he studies each of them for some seconds. There are random photos, of her alone and with friends, some are labeled with an exact date and a brief on their back side. He finds one that draws his attention immediately, it’s one of Regina and her blonde friend, both smiling to the camera, it’s night and they’re both outside a disco or bar, the shot captures the sign of the place. It reads  _ ‘The Rabbit Hole’ _ , a name he'll never forget.  He turns the picture to check if it’s something written in its back as he found in others, and his heart stops when he reads  _ ‘October 1992. Regina and me (the awesome Tink!) The prelude of a night to remember’ _ . So, that was the precise night they met and that was Regina’s friend’s name. Tink, if he would have known back then, he would never have forgotten it.

He continues looking at the pictures, and if he felt his heart stop before, well he is about to have a heart attack. 

The next picture he sees is one of Regina, somewhere in the woods. She’s seated on a chair outside a cabin. The picture captures half of the cabin and the amazing landscape of the woods and some mountains far away. She looks just as he remembered, except for the protuberant belly of a pregnant woman. The person that took that  picture captured a beautiful moment of a mother bonding with her unborn son, completely unaware of the world and staring at her belly as she seems to be caressing it softly and in such a tender way that enhances her natural beauty. This is a different side of the woman he knew. This is not the playful, sexy, intense woman that shared two nights with him, but a tender one, a woman profoundly in love with the life she’s carrying inside her. He turns the  picture to read what’s on its back; it seems that whoever took those didn’t fail writing a review of the circumstances captured by that camera. He reads astonished  _ ‘May, 1993. A nice weekend at Mr. Gold’s Cabin outside Storybrooke. Almost there, Regina! Can’t wait to hold my godson!” _

Shit! So, in May 1993 she was already about to give birth and they met in October 1992. Fuck! This means she already was pregnant from that shitty boyfriend when he met her ...because if it’s not what happened it would seem he got her pregnant, and he doesn’t want to think in that possibility.

He begins sweating, takes off his jacket and continues with the next one. However, this one will make him lose his shit.

It’s a  picture of Regina holding a newborn. She’s lying on a bed wearing a hospital gown; she looks exhausted and sweaty, yet ecstatic. There’s this friend of hers, the blonde, Tink, yes Tink; she’s by Regina’s side holding one of her hands. He doesn’t know why he has the feeling he should not read what’s written in its back side. However, he disregards that sensation, turns the picture and reads  _ ‘June, 25th 1993. My godson is finally here 7,5 lbs 20 inches of pure cuteness! Congrats to the parents Regina Mills and the man with the lion tattoo!’   _

* * *

“Mom, Dr. Robin Locksley is here. He has some stuff you forgot in his office and wants to have a word with you. He’s waiting in the study.”

Regina hears Roland’s words, and everything after the word  _ ‘here' _ turns into a background sound to her ears, and she can’t understand a word of what her son is telling her. It seems her face betrays her because both her sons say at the same time “Mom, are you okay?”

“I ...It’s the food poisoning I had the other day. I ...I should have had a chicken soup instead,” she lies. And it’s then when she realizes the past few days (and almost half her life) have been surrounded by lies: her therapist lied to her (that, he admitted himself), she also lied to him (well, technically, she failed revealing information that concerned him), lied to Henry on Wednesday night, just lied to both her sons, and has lied to Roland his entire life.  

This realization makes her feel even worse. Still, she needs to recompose, talk to Robin and avoid a scene at all costs, at least while her sons are home.

It seems Roland being older doesn’t buy his mom’s explanation and adds “Mom, is this Dr. Locksley bothering you? He seemed a decent man and had that briefcase of yours, so I thought it was okay to let him in, but if it isn’t I’d be glad to have more than a conversation with him. Do you want me to do it now? Tell him to leave?”

“No, no, Roland. It’s fine. He’s a nice man. It’s me the one who’s been feeling a little under the weather these last days. Where did you say he was waiting?”

“In the study.”

“Shit!” exclaims Regina and both her sons turn to look at her because she’s a person that very rarely swears, and she knows her sons must be wondering what happens with this Dr. Locksley and her that his visit has the power to make her lose control.  

..........

Regina enters the study only to find Robin seated on the couch, with his elbows on his legs and his hands supporting his head. A bunch of pictures untidily spread over the couch, and her jacket and briefcase, nowhere to be seen.

He is the image of a defeated man, and it breaks her heart to look at him like that when he’s always strong, intense, resourceful, and self-confident.

Robin is so absorbed in his own thoughts that doesn’t even notice she has entered the room and only looks at her when she calls his name, but still, he doesn’t answer and continues looking at her with stupor on his face.

“Robin, I...I don’t know what you know or believe you do, but I think we need to talk.”

Robin has always been a gentleman, very well mannered, but this time he hasn’t even bothered to stand up when Regina entered the room, and that only tells Regina how affected he is with whatever he found out.

“Regina, I ...I came here with the excuse of bringing back your stuff, to check on you and to tell you something, but everything I wanted to tell you no longer matters. I now understand why you left my office in such a rush. As your doctor, I’ve been worried about you, but as a person, I can’t be here anymore. I need to leave. Please, if you need counselling, medication or whatever call Dr. Little. He is well aware of your case. Mulan has his number.” 

As Robin stands up, Regina begins speaking “I …I understand Robin, believe me. I need time too. Give me a call when you’re ready.”

He begins walking towards the door, but before he exits he turns around and, gazing directly at Regina, he asks, “One question before I leave Regina, is ...is Roland my son?”

The world seems to stop the three or four seconds she takes to answer, and her timid “Y-Yes” resonates in the room and only ceases when Robin asks “Does he know?”

Another silence and her answer comes in a whisper.

“No”

“Shit, Regina,” with those two words he walks without looking at her, not even to say goodbye, and when he is about to step into his car, Regina approaches him and says “Robin, I tried to find you because believe me the thing I would have needed most would have been the father of my son. I did try. For years I tried, but I never found a trace. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll call you, Regina.”

And with that, he drives away.

* * *

 

**_To be continued..._ **


	5. Advices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like all the other chapters beta-read by the amazing @BabylawyerOQ! Thanks, Jess for your help with this!

Every single scenario she imagined during all these years, about Roland’s father finding the truth, didn’t prepare her at all for how she feels after she closes the door and hears Robin’s car drive off. And one of the things that comes to her mind is how it would be for Roland, finding out the truth. It would be far worse. He would not only have to deal with a revelation, one that would definitely blow him but also he would have to deal with learning he lived all his life deceived by the people he trusted most.

Shit, these thoughts aren’t helping!

She needs space. Some minutes on her own that might help her organize her ideas, recompose, think about what she’ll do next.

After having locked herself in the study for half an hour, to pull herself together with the help of a drink (she’s grateful she has that bottle in her drawer,  and it has been really useful this night), and having taken a look at the pictures Robin must have checked, she feels even worse.

The guilt consumes her when she realizes how Robin must have reacted after finding out about Roland and witnessing him grow up through those pictures with another man in the role of his father, while he had been completely oblivious to the fact he had ... _ has _ a son.

She hates her immature younger self for not having been able to evaluate properly the consequences that anonymity and unprotected sex might bring them.

Her inexperience (and Robin’s) ripped away the opportunity for Robin to watch his son grow up by his side. And her inexperience, along with the wrong approach with which she decided to handle this issue, will make Roland face some news that would definitely affect him and possibly could change at some extent the impression he has about Daniel.

Roland had a happy childhood. He never felt anything missing in his life. He grew up feeling loved and supported by both her mother and the man he thought was his father. She has thanked each day of her life for having found Daniel. Not only because they both loved each other deeply, had a happy marriage, and a beautiful family, but also because she would never have chosen a better father for Roland and Henry, and as someone who lost hers during her teen years, she knows first hand how the lack of a father or father figure can affect a child.

What if she would’ve found another man? Maybe someone that would have treated Roland in a different way? Or didn’t love him at all? Wow, that’s something she would never have accepted ...well, that marriage wouldn’t have lasted a day!

Regina decides not to immerse herself inside the ocean of speculation. She knows those are dangerous waters.

However, the damage is done. She feels like shit and in that precise moment, there’s no one to seek comfort with.

So, it doesn’t surprise her when sleep refuses to come easily, or not to come at all. Her anxiety is worse than ever, she doesn’t cease to walk from one side of her bedroom to the other one, and the only thing she’s grateful for is that she could convince Roland to leave because there was nothing to worry about, and Henry isn’t spending the night home. He is with Neal, Mary Margaret and David’s younger son, for a sleepover and won’t be coming back until Saturday afternoon.

Therefore, that time by herself gives her a valuable opportunity to think, evaluate things from different perspectives, and put herself in diverse situations.

............

Saturday morning arrives and finds a restless Regina. The process of going through the same situation over and over again has drained her out and still, she doesn’t know what to do, besides than waiting for a call.

Tink. She needs to talk to her. She knows Tink is an early riser, by 7 am she is already back from her daily jogging routine, so Regina isn’t bothered by how would it look to phone her at that time, which for most people would be un-polite.

So, after phoning her friend and hearing Tink’s answer on the other side of the line “You sound like shit, Regina. I’ll take a shower and be right there ...I’ll bring you breakfast,” the first smile in hours appears on Regina’s face as she gets up from bed to wait for her friend.

Thirty minutes later, Regina opens the door for Tink to step in.

As Tink hands Regina a bag with their breakfast, she exclaims, “Fuck, Regina what happened? You didn’t only sound like shit, but you also look like it. I guess your favorite spinach and feta cheese wrap that tastes like crap will help.”

“Very funny, Tink. Let’s go to the kitchen. Sit down. You’ll need to be seated to hear what I have to tell you.”  

Regina can’t help notice Tink’s face of surprise and concern, and just then, she realizes the way this urgent early call would look like for Tink: bad, really bad news.

“Shit, Regina you’re scaring me. Does this have to do with the boys? Are they okay?” Regina nods, and while she serves two cups of coffee and brings them to the little table at the kitchen, she realizes that now that Tink knows there’s nothing to worry with the boys, she’ll begin with her silly jokes,

And Regina is damn right because just after having set both cups of coffee on the table, Tinks smiles and says, “Don’t tell me Roland’s girlfriend is pregnant? Like father, like son …Are you going to be a granny at fifty? Hottest granny ever!”

Tink and Regina are not only best friends, but they have also found in each other the sisters life (and their parents) refused to give them. They both had helped each other in different circumstances of their lives.

Tink had been Regina’s support during her pregnancy, with Roland's birth and Roland’s first years; later in life, Tink had been by Regina’s side when she had to deal with widowhood. And Regina had been with Tink during a painful and long episode in her life, in which Regina’s advice and intervention had been essential for its resolution. It had to do with an abusive husband, Malcolm, and a long battle for her twins’ custody. Regina had even testified in court against the man, had faced the husband and -more than once- sheltered Tink, Peter and Felix in her house when things got out of control.

Tink and Regina are very much alike in some aspects of their personality: both are strong, independent, committed, funny, sassy, intelligent women. However, there are other facets where they are very different, and for some people, it might be difficult to understand how two people so contrasting, can be such good friends.

Regina doesn’t do things right or just to satisfy certain criteria; no, she excels in whatever she commits regardless if it’s cooking, designing something for a client, or exercising. She’ll do it perfectly, even if it takes double or triple the time.   On the contrary, Tink does things with enough effort to finish them, not a bit more, and if she finds an unconventional way to finish them faster, she’ll take that road, although sometimes it might be at risk of breaking the law (which she certainly had sometimes). Things with Tink are well done, but not Regina’s level; no wonder why her favorite quotes are _ ‘Perfect is the enemy of the good’  _ and  _ ‘The end justifies the means.’ _ ”

Another aspect both friends differ from is that, although both are sassy, funny and sarcastic, when things get serious, Regina doesn’t tolerate even a smile or laugh, least of all a joke or a mock. Tink, on the contrary, crosses that line and doesn’t know when to stop with the mocking, jokes and silly remarks in an attempt to be funny. And that’s exactly what’s happening now, and Regina isn’t in the mood.

“Stop. Tink, stop!” exclaims Regina. Her expression is serious, and she knows that would do the job with Tink.

“Oh my God! This must be serious shit. Okay,” answers Tink drinking from her cup. 

“I found him, Tink,” says Regina.

“Found whom?” asks the blonde, which only makes Regina roll her eyes because, honestly, both had tried to find that man for years, so there’s no way Tink would be unaware of whom is Regina talking about. That does the job, Tink opens her eyes widely, puts the cup she had been drinking from on the table, and exclaims, “Are you fucking kidding me? Did you find the man with the lion tattoo?”

Regina nods and watches Tink stand up to refill her cup of coffee. If it were a little later, she’s sure Tink would go for a whiskey rather than a coffee.

She waits until Tink is seated at the table again to continue, “I wasn’t looking for him. It just ...hmm ...happened. He is my shrink Tink, and he just found out yesterday that he’s Roland’s father, thanks to your pictures and that annoying habit of yours to write every detail in the backside.”

“Oh! So that’s why you asked for those pictures the other day, huh? Oh, wait …your shrink? Dr. Hopper? No way! Regina, don’t you have any knowledge about genetics?”

Regina giggles, loudly even. It's good to have someone that still in situations like this one, is able to make her laugh and forget for at least some seconds the fucked situation she's in.

She remembers then that Tink isn't aware she began seeing another shrink some weeks ago. She avoided on purpose telling Tink because she didn't want to hear Tink's criticism on that topic in particular. She has had enough in her life already with  _ 'Regina, I can't understand why telling your entire life and poor choices to a stranger can help?’ _  or  _ ‘Shit! Why does Dr. Hopper charge that much for giving the same advice I give you for free?’ _ or _ ‘Dr. Hopper says this, Dr. Hopper says that and bla, bla, bla  ...it seems you don’t move a finger without Dr. Hopper knowing about!’ _

So, this time she decided she wouldn’t be telling this to Tink. She would keep it to herself. Nevertheless, the woman has already found out, and it makes Regina shake her head thinking about how, one way or another, Tink always gets to discover her secrets.

“I began seeing another psychiatrist, some weeks ago. So, no. Not Dr. Hopper,” answers Regina quickly, before Tink has time to begin making any mental image of her and Dr. Hopper ….ugh ...

Luckily, Tink interrupts her and doesn’t let her finish. “So, he knows your life from top to bottom now? And how didn’t he figure this out earlier? You said you’ve been seeing him some weeks ago, how many? What are you going to do? Did you tell, Roland?”

“Tink, can you stop interrogating me? I’ll tell you everything, that’s why I called you. I need advice ...I’m not sure you will give me anything useful, though.”

“Okay, I’ll just shut up ..and listen ...and won’t judge you …” answers Tink, and is about to continue telling all the things she would and wouldn’t do, but at Regina expression, she just adds, “yeah, shut up!” 

“Can I continue talking?” asks Regina, and at Tink’s nod, she proceeds. ”Remember that when we met, we didn’t give our names or any other contact information. I thought I was been sophisticated and independent with that choice, but I’ve cursed myself countless times because of that stupidity. What were we thinking?”

Regina makes a pause and Tink takes advantage of it to add “I’ve cursed you both for the same reason, Regina, believe me.”

“Anyway, what’s done is done. Six weeks ago I went to a consultation with a shrink Dr. Hopper recommended me, and he seemed familiar to me, but I had no proof that would make me think he was Roland’s father, so I disregarded the crazy idea.  And, by the way, he doesn’t know my entire life. This episode, in fact, I didn’t share with him because it’s so complicated and I hate when people begin being judgemental towards  our  choice that even if I knew the shrink wouldn’t be judging me, I didn’t feel like sharing it with him yet. He figured out I was that woman on his own, though, on Wednesday after recognizing my tattoo and showed me his, and ...hmm ...long story short: I ran away, forgot my stuff there, he came yesterday to bring it back, he said it was merely an excuse, but whatever he had in mind I don’t know because after he found out the truth yesterday, he left in shock. He said he needed time and well, I’m waiting for his call, whenever he’s ready.”

Tink smiles widely, she giggles of excitement and even rubs her hands. 

“Oh my God! I can’t believe this! Regina, this is so romantic, he came here to tell you something, I bet he wanted to date you! Don’t you understand it, Regina? The man with the lion tattoo is your second chance, the man you’re destined to be with, don’t you feel it? Finding him now, when it happens that you’re single, has to mean something,” exclaims Tink, enthusiastically.

“Tink, may I remind you he is my shrink, well ...was, and he might know everything about me, but I know nothing about him or his life. Maybe the man is even married and, besides, how do you think he is still interested in me and why do you think I am in him? One thing is finding the father of my son after all those years, and another completely different thing is having feelings for him ...” Regina pauses, and after some seconds where she definitely gathered her thoughts, she adds “...and, even if I would be developing some feelings, which I’m certainly not, I have a long road before I can think about that. First, I ...er ...Robin and I have to figure out what we are going to do and will need to talk to Roland. I think I can not delay that conversation more time.”

“I’m glad to hear that. It’s a big step hearing you say you will talk to Roland. …And, I can’t say if he’s still interested, but I can say he was interested enough to come here with a stupid pretext, that certainly nobody would buy, to tell you something. You’ll have to figure out on your own what did he want to tell you. And, Regina look at you, you are attracted to that man, even looking like shit you glow when you talk about him.”

Tink’s words make Regina roll her eyes for the second time that morning, but before she can say anything, Tink continues talking “So, I guess that instead of waiting for his call you need to take the damn phone and call him. That man has come to check on you yesterday ...and definitely for something more, only to find out a shocking revelation. Pull yourself together, and go call him. Don’t let this second chance to do things right slip through your fingers ….and all this advice goes for free ...I’ve told you ...you have no need to see a shrink when you have me!”

Regina rolls her eyes a third time, but Tink’s words keep echoing in her mind long after Tink’s gone.

* * *

 

“Whoa! Wait! Repeat slowly what you just said so I don’t misunderstand a thing,” exclaims John after having heard attentively, even without blinking, the last events that happened in the life of his friend and colleague.

Robin repeats, for the second time, the entire story, since the first day Regina Mills stepped into his office for a one hour consultation, until last night’s discovery. John Little, a man who’s used to listen to other people’s stories of heartbreak, loss, and conflict, refuses to believe what Robin tells him.

“So, this Regina Mills, the patient you said you’d stop treating because ....and I quote ‘ _ I might not be objective enough to treat her because I have a conflict of interest’  _ is the same woman you spent a weekend twenty-seven years ago with, who got pregnant and had a child, something you have been completely unaware of because you were such idiots that didn’t know each other's names or have any contact information? Do you think I will believe something like that? Seriously, Robin?”

Robin sighs, he understands this is a situation most people would find absurd and incredible, and, since he left Regina’s house last night with the realization he had another child, one who is now a man, he, himself, can’t believe this is happening to him. However, even with the impact of that news, he recognizes he’s excited and happy about the latest discovery. 

Who wouldn’t be happy about finding out they gained a son? Certainly, some men wouldn’t and refuse to be there for their children ...if it weren’t that way half the lawyers he knows would have more free time because there would be no need for those requests for child support. But this is not his case, despite the circumstances behind this revelation, he conceived a child, and even if he hasn’t been able to be by his child or his mother’s side and have never contributed with a penny to support him (it would have never been that way, if he’d only known), he still wants to have a chance with Roland. However, there’s something in the way.

“Man, I understand it’s a bizarre situation, to say the least, but that’s what happened exactly. The moment I recognized her, I decided I wouldn’t continue treating her ...I ...I told you, but I couldn’t have imagined she had a son …. _ my son _ ...shit!” Robin takes his hands to his head and still with his head in between them, he talks, just as if he was talking to himself and for no one else to hear, “I ...I should have insisted in asking her name, phone number, address ...whatever, that’s what a real man does after having unprotected sex ...I would never forgive me for such negligence. ...Oh, God!”

Robin and John have been friends since Robin came to Maine, a decade ago, and began working in the same clinic as John. Immediately, both men bonded; since the two of them had similar stories to share. Both lived apart from their children, were single (Robin, divorced; John, never married the mother of his only child), same profession and similar age. With time John became like family to Robin and the one with whom he shared almost everything, yes, almost everything because he failed to mention a tiny detail of his life, one that has just gained relevance.

“I won’t lie to you, Robin, this is a fucked situation you have. First, I guess you need to make sure she’s telling the truth and the lad is your son, then …”

“He is John. If you would have witnessed her reaction when she ran away from my office, you will know it wasn’t merely because she found an ex-lover. Definitely, there was more … and yesterday at her house ...she can’t be such a good actress!” exclaims Robin without making any effort to hide his annoyance.

“Sorry man, but one of us has to be objective. Anyway, I guess this young man will be happy to get to know his biological father after all that time,” says John after realizing he needs to make the best of this situation, and the thing he finds positive is that Robin has gained a son. So, he continues trying to give his friend some feedback and his point of view on the matter, ignoring Robin’s face of defeat.

“Robin, look, you still can build a relationship with your son ...it’ll take time, but he’s a man now, and it’d be easier to explain some facts to him, you …”

John’s speech is interrupted by Robin’s voice, “Look, man, this is not that easy. It’s not that I’m not happy, still shocked, utterly shocked,  but yeah, I’m happy. The thing that complicates everything is that Roland thinks the man who raised him is his biological father. That is the conflict I have. I understand Regina couldn’t find me ...I must admit I could never find her either.” Robin stops talking, looks at John maybe trying to find out if the fact that he just admitted having looked for her draws John’s attention, and when he realizes the expression on John’s face hasn’t changed from the one of disbelief he showed seconds ago, he continues, “She didn’t keep anything from me, but she did keep something from Roland, and now I have to decide if I want to break his heart or let him continue living ignorant to the truth. That’s a choice I have to make, and I don’t want to think about what’s best for me, or what I want. I need to put him first. That’s what parents do.”

“Shit, man, you have a complex situation there.”

“I know, and still I can’t stop thinking about her. Back then I knew Regina’s mother was a heartless bitch, but now I know, because of things she’d told me in therapy, which I won’t reveal, that _‘_ _ heartless bitch’ _ was an understatement. And I can’t help thinking the tough time she must have had finding out she was pregnant and no father of her son around.”

John listens to his friend, from time to time he nods, and Robin can’t stop feeling he’s one of John’s patients. It’s weird being on the other side of the couch.

“You can’t stop thinking about the circumstances she must have endured, or you can’t stop thinking about her, as a woman? I think you need to work on this, Robin. Are you thinking about her because you feel guilty for not having been by her side? Or is it because you still want to be with her? Either of them, you’ll need to talk to her. You said before parents do what’s best for their children, but I would say parents do what  _ they think _ it’s the best. Maybe Regina was just doing that when she chose not to tell Roland the truth. Parents don’t always make the right choices. She’s the only one who can tell you what drove her to keep this from Roland.”

Yes, it’s definitely odd to be the one  _ on _ the couch and being psychoanalyzed by his best friend.

“Shit, man, don’t do this with me. I know very well what this is about! I’m not judging her, John. Although I’m happy to know I have a son, that I would love to know and begin building a relationship with him, I can’t help feeling jealous about my son growing up with another man as his dad. It seems I’m cursed; I miss a lot of things about Raven because we live separate lives, and, now, finding out about Roland, well, he’s twenty-six and I know nothing about him.”

“Well, maybe life just gifted you with a second chance. Don’t throw away an opportunity you never imagined you’d have. Now, let’s go grab some real breakfast, my stomach is growling.”

...............

John’s words keep Robin company long after they leave the little coffee shop nearby Robin’s apartment, and when Robin arrives home, he has so much to think about.

He has the need to call his daughter. They talk over the phone daily. That’s a habit they’ve had since Raven went to live with her mom to another country. At the beginning it was the phone call from daddy to say goodnight; then, it became a conversation between father and daughter where she shared things about school, friends or what she’d want to do on their next vacation together. Now, with Raven in her fifteens, it’s mostly about the things that concern a young woman that age: the new iPhone XS Max she desperately  _ needs _ , complaints about her mother (even if Robin smiles each time he hears her daughter criticize Marian, he knows very well that this is more about a stage during teen years and mother-daughter relationships than Marian’s parenting skills), or that this year she wants to spend Thanksgiving with him, instead than with her mom and the jerk of her husband.

The awareness that having a son from which he knows nothing makes him realize that, even not living with Raven and that sometimes it might seem he misses a lot of things of her daughter’s life (like he had admitted to John some hours ago), he does know most of his daughter’s concerns, tastes, and friends. He understands there’s no way a fifteen-year-old will be an open book to her dad, but he’s satisfied with the close relationship he has been able to build with Raven, despite not being physically close.

After talking to his daughter and saying goodbye with the usual  _ ‘Daddy kisses you, princess,’ _ Robin decides to have a drink in the solitude of his apartment. Talking over the phone with his daughter, and having a conversation where he knew thoroughly each of the friends she brought up during their chat, or her worries for not being able to reach the score needed for college because she sucks at math (and he knows she’s overreacting), or that she will drop her ballet lessons (which makes him feel relieved because it had been more about what Marian wanted than what Raven did), made him think how much he knows and understands his child, still not living with her for the past ten years. 

So, if he had been able to construct a relationship with Raven despite the fact that they are apart most of the time, he thinks there’s still a chance he can do the same with Roland. He wants to be present in his son’s life, as well. He understands he won’t retrieve twenty-six years of Roland’s life, but he can begin setting up the bases for a future, one in which Roland can be part.

However, for that, he needs to talk to Roland’s mother, and that’s another thing. 

Robin needs to be sure, he and Regina, are both on the same page regarding how they’ll approach Roland’s biological dad issue. Roland might be an adult, but that doesn’t give him the right to break the news (and his heart) out of nothing, they need to prepare the ground before they disclose that information to him.

Besides, he wants to know how was her life those years, and not only because he’s curious about her life (well, yes, he is, a little, maybe not so little), but also because he needs to know how the life of his son was like as an infant, a child, a teen. Has he any medical condition? How is his mental health? (the shrink in him coming out); Is he happy? Does he have a partner? What did he study? Where does he work? 

He needs to learn also about the family in which his son grew up,  about the man that raised Roland along with Regina. From the pictures he saw at her house, it seemed Roland had been loved by that man, but he wants to know more details. How did Roland face the death of the man he knew as his father? How is Roland’s relationship with his brother? How is his relationship with Regina? He has endless questions only Regina can answer. 

Lastly, it is that still with what he found out; he wants to have a chance with Regina once everything is sorted out with Roland. Robin understands there was no way she could find him and break him the news that he was going to be a dad. She said she tried, and he believes her. There’s nothing to blame her for on that regard, and he doesn’t resent her because of this. However, keeping the truth from Roland is a completely different story, one she must explain to him, and one he’ll make his best to understand without any judgment or criticism. 

Robin has decided he wants to date her; he wishes to have the experience of getting to know her, spend time with her, explore if things might turn into something more, something like what he’s been craving for a while.

He has been seated on his favorite couch in the living room, staring at the black screen of a turned off TV, focused on the situation that has shaken up his entire life. And, it happens that this circumstance in his life has much to do with the woman that fills his mind lately, which happens to be the same woman that has been stuck in his head for more thanks two decades. He finds curious, how everything seems to be intertwined.

Robin has been so fixated on his own thoughts, that hasn’t even realized it's long after lunchtime. He has been taking sips of a cold beer directly from the bottle and hasn't even bothered to grab a glass. He doesn’t want to put anything in the dishwasher; he has no will to begin with domestic chores when his head is being bombed by different thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

Robin realizes how late it is when he finishes the second bottle of beer, and is grateful for the extensive breakfast (second breakfast, actually) he had with John because he still isn’t hungry, even if it’s almost past 3 pm. Shit! that breakfast! John needs to restraint a little with the food, Robin thinks.

Still having cleared up some things, and after having decided what he wants, which in the most optimistic scenario would be to be part of Roland’s life (and of his mother’s), he is nervous about being rejected by Roland and about how might he react to this news.

Considering what he’ll do next, and how things might present to him, he smiles sadly realizing the irony of all this. For years he looked for her, never crossed paths with her again and thought they were destined to live separate lives not even with the possibility of having a clue of what her life was like. And, still, if he always had been hopeful about meeting her another time, he had been well aware the odds were remote. Now, he has found her, in the most unusual and incredible way; he has been able to get to know her, at least the little that therapy allowed him to. He knows her secrets (well, it seems not all of them), her fears, the things that make her anxious, people that have had an impact in her life ...he has learned things about her he never would have imagined he’d have gotten the chance. However, even bounded to her for a lifetime because of a son, he’s skeptical he can have any prospect with her, still, he’s determined to try. 

This time anonymity and distance aren’t the issues. 

This time she’s so close, yet he feels her so far away.

.............

Robin is about to take a shower. He needs to freshen up, rinse off the turmoil he has inside his head due to the countless possibilities he has dreamed up during the last few hours. And, well, after last night’s events at Regina’s house and the morning and afternoon he’s had, filled with advice and introspection, it isn’t strange that he has been wandering from one side to the other end of the spectrum of how could things develop for him.

He’ll call her after his shower, maybe a hot, relaxing shower can help him find the little push he still needs to dial her number, just as he did for two days when she ran away from him and their past (and it seems from their future too).

However, he’ll soon discover he won’t be needing that little push.

..........

As soon as he gets out from the shower, with nothing but a towel around his waist, the buzzing of his phone startles him. He grabs it to check who’s calling on a Saturday afternoon and his heart stops.

“Regina?” he asks.

* * *

 

**_To be continued ..._ **


	6. A Date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Abortion and adoption will be discussed. Strong criticism of the way the pregnancy happened.
> 
> Big thanks to @BabyLawyerOQ for the beta-read and the feedback! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Regina is well aware this is not a date.

The persistent nausea, the fear that she’ll throw up anytime because of the anxiety, and the truth that she still knows nothing about Robin’s life, aside from the fact that he’s the man he spent a whole weekend with twenty-seven years ago (something it appears neither of them had been able to forget), that he lives in the same city as her, and that he is a psychiatrist, are the best reminders she’s not getting ready to meet him for something like what she had dreamed of more than once.  

However, feeling like shit doesn’t mean she should look like it. She had enough having to hear Tink’s remarks just this morning about the way she looked. So, she beats herself; closes her eyes; breathes deeply, and when she opens her eyes again she’s determined to make an impression, even if inside she doesn’t feel like it.

The choice of place and time for their meeting doesn’t mean that this _rendez-vous_ has more to do in their interest to share some time alone (which she wouldn’t complain about either), rather than with the urgency both of them have in sorting out the one issue that occupies their minds.

Having talked to Tink that same morning has helped her. She won’t admit that to Tink, though, but it had been that obvious that she had even been able to achieve two continuous hours of well-deserved sleep for the first time since Wednesday afternoon. And it’s kind of ludicrous because things haven’t changed, and, on the contrary, remained very much the same as the day before. So, she failed to understand that temporary sensation of relief considering there was no progress to the mess she created when she thought it was a good idea to keep a secret during more time than half her life.

Regina woke up from her nap feeling better, but with the familiar feeling that there was something still undone, which only reminded her of the reason why she hadn’t taken matters into her own hands: lack of enough courage to make a call.

She beat herself, encouraged by the fake braveness a glass of whiskey brought her after she decided it was pointless to delay things. It was better to face the consequences of her secrets once and for all, so she decided to call him.

Those three or four rings before she heard his voice, seemed endless, and she thought more than once, while she waited, she might not be able to talk because of the feeling of nausea that by that moment had reached alarming levels.

It had been useless for Regina to go through the trouble of thinking in advance what she would tell him, which basically would be when and where to meet. There wouldn’t be _I’m sorries_ ; that, she had it clear. However, she had already said it once the day before even when her intentions had meant she felt sad and heartbroken, rather than apologetic, but she knew there was a risk Robin might not take things that way. It killed her that he might think she was apologizing to him when if there was someone who should receive her apologies, that would be Roland.

She hadn’t expected, though, that after his _‘Regina?’_ he would show his concern, and that instead of reproaches, he would ask how was she holding up, if she had any trouble sleeping, if she had called John Little for any medication. Was that a professional concern of a doctor towards a former patient? Or, was that the affection of a man? She would need to find the answers to those questions later. However, witnessing him leaving aside his issues to ask about her and hearing the worry in his voice, had disarmed her and left her vulnerable. That man was so perfect that for some seconds she wanted to forget the purpose of her call.

Nonetheless, that was not a choice and, after answering each of his questions, she had just said they needed to talk and had agreed in meeting on that same day, which happened to be a Saturday, and since her call had been late in the afternoon it had given them a very short time frame to meet.

Therefore, the choice of place and time for their encounter might seem like a date when clearly it isn’t. For all that she knows, there is even a chance that he’d be there waiting for her in the company of a very confused (and maybe angry) wife.

Still, it’s nice to pretend; it occupies her mind on other things, frivolous ones, like picking an outfit that would make her look great. Surprisingly, it helps because between the strong need to make a good choice that has her almost emptying her whole closet on top of her bed and the breathing exercises she learned in yoga class, she accomplishes to lower the anxiety, and for the next hour, she forgets the purpose of their meeting.

Seeing most of the contents of her closet on her bed makes her smile remembering it has always been that way when she gets ready, even married to Daniel she did the same, and it seems being fifty hasn’t changed that habit, either.

After much deliberation, Regina decides to wear something different this time. Not the usual style she has worn during these last six, almost seven, weeks she has been seeing him in therapy. So, she goes for a dress, high heels, and a jacket. She loves to wear dresses and skirts, even if for work her attires are mostly pants and jackets. Moving from one place to another to meet different vendors or clients, is easier in pants, and sometimes she can take off her shoes and switch them for a pair of comfortable flat ones without looking weird, and keep the fancier ones (yet, not always the wiser choice) if she has a meeting scheduled.

This time a pair of shoes wouldn’t be the issue, though. She will take a cab to the place they chose. She loves wearing high heels, enjoys how her legs show off, and is well aware that there will be a moment in her life where flats will be a better option, but still, at fifty she feels with the skill to walk easily, gracefully and classy in a pair of stilettos.

* * *

 Regina arrives at 7 pm sharp at the little bar where they decided to meet. It appears both of them had similar thoughts, that they would need a drink to get through a conversation this heavy because neither of them objected the choice of place: a bar.

As soon as she enters the place, she spots him seated already at a table and with a half-full glass of whiskey. She sighs relieved that he’s at least on his own and if he has a wife, girlfriend or partner, at least for now, he has decided to keep that person outside this issue.

She walks confidently to where he is, pretending to be calm, although she begins sensing the anxiety flowing through her, and the only thing she wants to do is turn around, run towards the door, exit the place and never look back.

Regina finds strength and solace in her father’s words which echo in her head whenever she feels like this, and are the ones that give her the determination to continue walking towards him. _Always a queen; Let them know you are the queen; It doesn’t matter how you feel, if you look like a queen you’ll have won half the battle_ had been his father’s words, anytime she felt not living up to something. Her mother’s criticism during her childhood and teen years had scarred her self-esteem and self-assurance. However, it had been nothing compared to the resentment and pain her mother's words left her with after she found out about Regina's pregnancy. Nonetheless, while her father was alive he had intended to make up to her at least with what he had at hand: reassurance, encouragement, support, and love. And it had helped, along with years of therapy.

She keeps walking with the poise and composure of a queen. It seems she attracts other people’s attention as well because she can feel their looks, but instead of being bothered by it, she feels reassured, confident, and she enjoys it.

It seems Robin chose the farthest table in the place, and it might be an excellent selection, she thinks, because they’ll need privacy for what they are about to discuss. When she finally reaches the table where he is, she notes this time he stands up immediately and greets her in the same caring way he has during the prior weeks in therapy, with a kiss on the cheek.

They both sit, look at each other, one of them clears their throat ...it’s awkward, and Robin must have sensed it because he breaks the silence “Do you want something to drink? Hmm ...You should avoid alcohol …you know ...because of the medication.”

Regina is surprised at his remark, and can’t help smile, thinking about how different his reaction is from what she had been expecting. His concern towards her, for a second time on the same day, gives her hope that maybe they can have a nice chat and both can figure out the best way to approach this with Roland.

“I ...I’ll have a glass of red wine …” Regina begins, and she isn’t sure if she should open up and tell him she decided on her own not to take her meds or just change her choice of drink for a glass of water instead. It would be a good beginning, to tell the truth about this, but, on the other hand, it could make Robin see her as someone who disregards his medical advice.

Anyway, she decides to be honest, and before he can say something, she continues, “Don’t worry ...I ...I’m not taking those. I found a way to handle the anxiety without meds, at least for now.”

And everything she just said is true, she just left aside a slight detail: what is she using as a replacement of the meds. She didn’t like the way those pills made her feel and since Friday night -when her secret was unveiled- she decided an alcoholic beverage would be far better than those chemicals. And it worked, the alcohol provided her with some relaxation that has helped to keep the anxiety at bay ...at least for short periods.

Regina smiles softly at him when she notes his expression of surprise, “Yeah! It helps a little, and it’s better than feeling that endless drowsiness.”

Robin nods, in understanding.

They wait for the waiter to come back with Regina’s glass of wine, and the five or ten minutes that it takes for the man to return are the most stressful and longest minutes of their lives.

Robin looks at the other tables, takes a sip from his glass, looks at his watch subtly to find out how long he has endured this torture. Regina pretends to be searching for something inside her purse, texts someone briefly, tucks a strand of hair that has fallen out of place behind her ear, as she congratulates herself for taking advantage of a meeting cancellation on Tuesday (before all this began), to take the time to have her roots dyed and hide those pesky gray hairs that started appearing some years ago.

Finally, they both see the light when they spot the waiter walking towards their table, and once Regina’s drink is on the table, Robin talks. A one-word question is all he voices.

“So?”

Regina clears her throat, drinks from her glass of wine, two generous gulps (it seems one isn’t enough for what she needs to tell).

“I ...I don’t know where to begin, Robin,” her voice, a murmur; her eyes -unable to look at him- staring at her own hands.

“Why don’t you do it from the beginning, Regina,” his answer is soothing; his voice, tender and soft. It reminds her of the way he was in therapy with her, and wishes she could go back in time to the first weeks of therapy when she disregarded those crazy ideas about Robin being Roland’s father, and just enjoyed the safe space he provided her.  Well, and the little flirtation they had, the way he touched her back as he opened the door for her, the way he looked at her, the way he kissed her cheek and seemed to linger for a bit longer...

“Look, Robin ...I ...hmm ...before I begin I ...I want you to know that I ...I didn’t keep anything from you on purpose. After failing to find you, I made peace with the idea that I’d never get to know your identity, let alone come across you again. You need to understand, and trust me with this ...if ..hmm …” she stutters, sighs, and continues, “...if I had known your name, I would have contacted you immediately, but … well ...the only ones to blame here are our younger selves.”

After that confession, Regina feels lighter, even without knowing Robin’s thoughts about it yet. Still, she needs to tell him something more before she can share the whole story with him, so she rushes -avoiding him to say a word- and begins talking.

“Robin, I ...I always have been certain about who Roland’s father is, even if I didn’t know your name. And I do understand, this news ...this turns your life and the one of your family upside down, and ...hmm ...well, I guess you might have doubts about it and ...hmm, we can request a DNA test anytime once Roland knows about this.”

Robin stares at her undaunted. The softness and tenderness in his expression she thought she sensed before are now gone, and she can only find attention, concentration, and interest in what she says. Nothing else.

“I want to hear first what you have to say, Regina. I won’t make any assumptions until I see the whole picture. Then we shall see.”

Regina begins her remembrance of what happened twenty-seven years ago, “I ...I found out I was pregnant almost two months after our encounter. It took some time for me to realize what it was about. I don’t know if you remember that time …”

He doesn’t let her continue, answers with a firm “I do” that reminds her of the words a groom and bride share at their wedding because of the determination he puts in those two words and not because of any other reason.

She can’t help blushing, remembering the intimate moments she shared with that man, the way her walls went down just after the first kiss, his hands wandering through her naked body making her see stars several times that whole weekend. Shit, she hopes her flush fades away quickly, she doesn’t want him to realize she still remembers most details of those days (and nights).

She looks down, trying to conceal the uneasiness two simple words bring her. She stares somewhere at the table and continues talking without looking at him “...I ...I was just getting out of a toxic relationship and was in denial about the possibility of a pregnancy, so I just tried to move on with my life and disregarded the fact that I was late, blaming it to the stress of a breakup. When I began feeling the first symptoms ...I ...I confirmed the news ...well, it felt worse. I ...I  didn’t know the name of my baby’s father, I was just applying for the first job related to my career ...Well, actually the job my mother thought would open some doors for someone choosing an unconventional profession. Who would hire a pregnant woman? My mother was breathing down my neck 24/7, my father was dead ...it ...it was overwhelming.”

Regina stops talking, this time she waits for him to say something, taking one and then another sip of wine and leaving her glass half-empty, yet Robin doesn’t say a word, so she proceeds.

“...I ...I had just gotten pregnant from an affair with a complete stranger, an that was not a constant in my life ...I’ve never done such a thing …I ...I felt so stupid …I had not even the name of the father of my child ...I wanted to hide from the world because of shame”.

Robin attentively listens to Regina. His only reactions, the movement of his eyes, a brief nod of his head, and a drink from time to time. He doesn’t dare to interrupt her to add or ask something, and Regina feels it’s her the one that has more to say, so after a little pause, to take some air (and maybe gather her thoughts and some courage), she continues.

“I tried to look for you. Tink, you know, the friend that was with me the night we met, helped me. We went to that hotel only to find out you paid in cash, and it seems the woman on the front desk forgot to register us because there were no records of us. The book on the front desk was a physical one; there were no computers at the time. Now it’s so easy to find someone, even without a name, but back then, it turned out to be impossible. We went to _The Rabbit Hole_ , tried to look for the group of friends that had been there with you, but no one seemed to use a credit card that would have been the only way to have a name. We went through the trouble and hideous paperwork to request the records to the immigration service, but without a name and only a departure date, it was tiring and ...well ...we never find a clue ...you can’t imagine what I had to endure the first months after I found out about Roland …”

She drinks again from her glass, emptying it, and Robin gestures to the waiter from afar, showing two fingers, instructing him to bring two drinks for them.

Regina stops as she watches the waiter approaching with their drinks. She doesn’t need a stranger snooping her secrets. It’s embarrassing enough for her having to admit her bad choices, and it seems Robin understands her sudden silence because he waits until the waiter leaves, and nods as a sign that it’s safe to continue.

“...I ...I went through different stages once I accepted I was pregnant. I ...I thought several times about ending my pregnancy. That way no one would ever know. I wouldn’t have to live with the reminder of my irresponsibility ...I  ...I was twenty-two and thought if the baby didn’t exist, it would be as if nothing had happened, but at some point I ...I disregarded that option ...and still sometimes after all this time when I look at Roland I feel so ashamed of having thought about ...that.”

Regina takes her eyes away from him, not because of shame, this time, but because of the tears that have begun to gather in her eyes, that will begin falling down sometime soon. She doesn’t want to cry, to show her vulnerability to him. She has worked really hard since she arrived to meet him, trying to be composed and pretend she had the situation under control, even when she has been well aware she hasn’t.  It isn’t that he hasn’t witnessed her weep before; therapy has had that effect on her, more than once, actually, but never because of this topic.

That topic particularly still affects her profoundly because she’s the only one who knows how close she had been to taking that step. Only she is the one aware it wasn’t solely about guilt and what her conscience had dictated her. In part, it had been because of the realization that no matter if she ended her pregnancy and pretended it never happened, there would be one person that would always know it had, and that person would be her. So, she had thought there was no point in going through all that terminating a pregnancy involved, and not even be able to fool herself. But another reason had been the dread she felt. She was terrified of the procedure, of the consequences for her body and her fertility in the future, of the complications, but mostly of dying alone in an examination table. And she knew it wasn’t something that usually occurs, it was quite uncommon, but it had happened to her before, although under different circumstances.

Her father had died from a cardiac arrest during surgery;  so, the idea of subjecting to a procedure when there was nothing wrong with her scared the shit out of her. And what kills her is that she doesn’t know yet which of the two reasons was the one that prevented her twenty-two year younger self from choosing that way out of an unplanned pregnancy.

What wouldn’t she give to tell him she decided to go on with her pregnancy because she felt ready to have a baby ... _his baby_ regardless of the circumstances in which it was conceived? But that’s not what happened, and leaving it unsaid doesn’t make her feel any better.

She’s startled by his hands over hers, squeezing tightly as his thumbs caress them softly.

And that slight touch has the feeling of a first time in various ways: it’s the first time he reacts differently than nodding his head since she began talking; it’s the first time he has touched her like this, with a tender contact that at the same time feels so intimate; it’s the first time since Wednesday afternoon that she feels supported and reassured by someone.

“I’m glad you didn’t do it, Regina. Abortion is not a choice for every woman, and for you, it clearly wasn’t. Regardless of the reasons you decided it wouldn’t have been the right one for you, I’m glad you still had one.”

It’s the first time Regina hears him talk after she started spilling her secrets to him. She immediately recognizes the soothing tone in his voice. It seems he read her guilt, and, why does this surprise her? He does this for a living and it appears he’s pretty good at it, even if she doubted his skills at the beginning.

She sighs, trying to avoid the tears from falling, and thinks she needs to go on, shift the topic, or whatever to break this moment. She takes her hands away from his to drink from her glass, and instantly regrets that action because she stops feeling his warmth and comforting touch; however, finds in those one or two sips of wine the strength to continue.

“When I decided I was going on with the pregnancy, I broke the news to my mother. There was no way I could hide it from her, and she made sure I believed not keeping my baby and giving it for adoption was its best chance.”

Regina makes a pause. She feels just now the tiredness from the mental and emotional effort she just went through ...and still this is only the beginning, there’s so much more she needs to tell him and what comes next is the real shit. She wishes she wasn’t the one doing most of the talking and begs that he interrupt her any moment and ask something. She’s dying to know what his thoughts about what she told him so far are. However, she needs to go through this, and the sooner the better. So, she retakes her story from where she left it.

“I talked to an adoption agency and they already had some candidates. I met some couples interested in adoption, talked to them, but somewhere after the fourth or fifth month I ...I changed my mind ...and ...hmm ….everything was worse from that moment on with my mother. It was then when I realized it had been about her all the time rather than a true concern about the baby. She had been more worried about what would people think of her than about the baby’s well-being. And it all was unveiled when she found out I was keeping my son ...by that time I already knew I was having a boy.”

Regina closes her eyes a few seconds, shakes her head slightly and continues, but before she is about to say the first word, she senses his hands over hers again. Shit! That man is so perceptive and is able to read her like an open book! And, it isn’t only about how amazing it feels to be supported in the moments where she needs it most; it’s Robin’s selflessness what impresses her. He is part of this conflict, he just found out he is in the middle of it, has his own shit to deal with, and, yet, he leaves his issues -whatever he might be feeling towards her- aside, and comforts and understands her.

Comforted by his touch, she continues, “She said terrible things ...she ...she tore me down, Robin. You already know ...I ...I’ve told you about the complicated relationship I have with my mother. Always criticizing me, controlling me, manipulating me, but I never expected she would be so cruel to me when I needed her most. She ...she said that she never would accept that baby as her grandson; that having a baby in the way I had, would doom me to fail in life; that once people knew the circumstances of this pregnancy no man would ever want anything serious with me; that the best I could get would be to become someone’s mistress because … it ... hmm ...it …”

The words refuse to leave her mouth, she sighs deeply in an attempt to obtain some braveness, she feels his hands firmly grabbing hers, and that does the job. She continues, “...it ...hmm ...seemed I ...I wasn’t good enough not even for a quick fuck because you ...you run away from me as soon as you could and didn’t even bother to leave your phone number; ...and worse things I … I don’t want to remember …she even dared to use the memory of my father against me …”

Regina is sobbing, tears have begun falling, and she can’t do much to stop them. As she tries to concentrate in the soothing movement of his thumb on her hand, she hears him say “Wow, Regina, everything you told me about your mother in therapy doesn’t compare to what you’re telling me …I’m so sorry you went through that.”

She smiles sadly at him, wipes her tears delicately with a tissue she grabbed from inside her purse, and -with a determination in her voice she doesn’t understand from where it comes- she adds, “ _But_ …” she emphasizes that first word trying to sound confident or to change the mood, “...the good thing is that she stopped talking to me, and that way she couldn’t hurt me anymore …so, from that point on I, focused on my pregnancy, staying healthy, preparing my body for delivery...and buried my mother in a corner of my mind. It was then that I understood the difference between an unplanned pregnancy and an unwanted one.”

“I wonder why Dr. Hopper never mentioned something like this to me,” those words leave his mouth as if he were thinking out loud, but it doesn’t go unnoticed to Regina.

“Maybe because there’s something called doctor-patient confidentiality?” she snaps, and adds before he can answer, “You …Did you talk to him about me?”

Regina’s remark makes Robin smile despite the circumstances. He answers calmly as he tilts his head to one side, “I do that with every new patient that comes to my consultation referred from another physician, Regina. He didn’t tell me details though, he is not allowed, just general things. I was aware there was an issue with your mother. He said it had been a while since your mother had been a topic for discussion on therapy.”

It seems she feels better after the little outburst she just had, and after what he told her because it’s the first time since she arrived and took a seat in front of him, that she looks at him, really looks at him, admiring his features and finding irresistible the slight movement of his head along with his smile. She takes some seconds to stare at his deep blue eyes; at his mouth; at those lips that she had already kissed, and wishes she could feel again over hers; at those dimples so alike to those of her son.

She is ashamed for having those thoughts in moments like these. There’s still much that remains unsaid, and she knows that by the end of their meeting when she finishes sharing with him all she has to tell, there’s a good chance he won’t want to see her again.

However, up to now, even if there have been moments in which she couldn’t have guessed the ideas crossing his mind, there have been others where he clearly showed concern, real worry, and interest towards her.  That makes her believe maybe not everything is lost and things could move forward for the two of them.

Unfortunately, that spark of hope and expectation lasts only a few seconds before she realizes the consideration and attraction she sensed in his eyes and touch, might be more a professional concern, rather than a personal one. Yet, her thoughts on the matter go back and forth, as if trying to cling to whatever she can in search of some hope. And there’s when she thinks there’s no way she’d be that wrong. That particular way in which he has smiled at her, even during their tough conversation, makes her think that -although she knows nothing about his personal life- there’s something more beyond mere professional curiosity.

Anyway, admiring a handsome man is not forbidden under any circumstance, so she takes another look at him. This time she watches his hands, only to find additional comfort when she notes -for the umpteenth time- he isn’t wearing any ring.  Her gaze studies those big masculine hands that had already wandered through every corner of her body and that now -completely ignorant at her thoughts- grab a glass of whiskey.

She has noticed his lack of a wedding band before. In fact, it had been one of the things that caught her attention first, but as quick as she realized it, she reminded herself that it didn’t mean he was a single man. Daniel stopped using his somewhere over a decade after their marriage. She smiles softly remembering how he used to joke about it; he said it had begun to feel too tight, smirking in such a way each time he said those words it was obvious they were meant to mock Regina because they could relate either to the ring or to their marriage. Regina knew well those words were Daniel just being a prankster and that his words had never meant otherwise. However, he stopped using his, and it never bothered Regina; so, she is much aware Robin’s absence of ring doesn’t mean he’s available and shouldn’t bring any hope.

She makes an effort to shake off all the theories that plague her mind and decides to stick to the topic that has brought them together this evening.

“Yes. Well ...my mother was at one point _the_ topic in therapy, but that was before I began seeing Dr. Hopper. When I arrived at his consultation I had already overcome ...well ...hmm not really overcame ...that’s something you don’t get through and forget ...it’s something you learn to understand and to cope with, so I guess that’s why he didn’t mention it.”

“Regina, I ...I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you ...and I’m really glad you decided to keep Roland. It must have been stressing and tiring raising a child all by yourself.” Again, she finds concern, reassurance, and care in his words.

Regina can’t help smile after hearing the name of her son and at the feeling those years bring her. “It was also rewarding and challenging ...and I wasn’t by myself. In fact, I had a lot of people with me. I had Tink, even if sometimes she’s annoying she has been a great godmother to Roland ...and we shared an apartment along with Malia, one of Tink’s friends that became a dear friend of mine with time. She’s Henry’s godmother. There was always so many people surrounding the three of us that I always had help with Roland. So, I think I dealt with it well those first years.”

“Oh, I see, but I guess you had a job and balancing work with a newborn must have been difficult. Sometimes grannies are good for that but ...well from what you’ve told me that was out of the question for you.”

She grins at his comment because she senses deep inside he wants to know more, not only about Roland but also about her life during those years. She might be wrong, but there’s something in the way he has asked this question that she reads as an interest in her, and she wants to answer. She feels he owes this to him, and if she has been able to tell him this evening one of the most painful episodes of her life, she wants to share with him this part as well, which is much more pleasant for her to reveal. She knows these details are all new to him. Therapy has brought up some topics, recent ones, but not those of that time of her life.

“Ha! It definitely was. By that time I worked from home as a freelance, and well, I could handle that easily. I didn’t have to be in a nine to five work. I had the fund my father left me, which luckily I hadn’t used before, so it wasn’t like I needed to work ...okay I needed, but I could afford slowing down for a while. That helped during the first months; then, Daniel Colter happened. He was a great support, bonded with Roland immediately, and offered his help and began sharing with me some parent chores.”

She doesn’t miss the expression of surprise and hurt in Robin’s face the moment she finishes talking. First, she senses the surprise, and she is very much aware of what sparks it. It’s the same reaction she gets from people each time they become aware with whom she had been married. This, lasts a few seconds before the bewilderment in his face morphs to pain, and she immediately infers the cause of it: it’s the awareness other man did what he should have done as a parent, those things he didn’t get to enjoy as his son grew up and that now it would be impossible to retrieve.

However, she witnesses Robin recompose quickly to ask “Daniel Colter as in Colter & Colter?”

Regina nods.

“Oh! I didn’t know _that_ Daniel was your Daniel.”

“Well, it seems you don’t know everything about me …” she is about to go on, but hears him mutter “I’m well aware of that.”

His observation, which she doesn’t know yet if it was meant just for himself, makes her smile.

“Did you know him?” she asks with curiosity not because she wants to confirm if Robin had known her late husband, she’s certain is some way he has, everybody has, but because she wants to know what does Robin think about Daniel. Robin’s opinion matters to her and is relevant now that Robin has learned the truth.

“I never met him, but it was difficult not having heard about him and the work he did _pro bono_. He helped a friend, Will, he ...he had some trouble here, and when the police caught him, well, they realized he was not a legal immigrant and was about to be deported, which actually would have never bothered him because a scoundrel here, a scoundrel there, would have been just the same for him. But, he had just found out he was going to be a dad, and his girlfriend lived in America. He had no way to pay for an attorney, and I don’t know how his case caught your husband’s attention, and …well ...he helped Will. That was a while ago. I guess, maybe a little after I came here. Now, Will is happily married and has two beautiful children, a boy and a girl ...he pays his taxes, has a business here ...all thanks to Daniel Colter.”

Regina grins at the story; she can’t help showing that wide smile of pride each time she hears how the man he was married to had changed the life of thousands of people in need. She knew it was almost impossible for someone living in Storybrooke, not having heard about Daniel Colter. His humanitarian work, generous donations, his legacy ...and his wealth have crossed borders, but hearing about a particular case and knowing to what extent the life someone her husband helped had changed, makes her feel pleasantly satisfied.

“Daniel invested a lot of time trying to pick those _pro bono_ cases, but if there was one in which parent and child were about to be separated, that was his priority. I guess it was because of Roland.” She pauses to take a drink and continues. “We met before Roland turned one, and we married when he was almost three. As soon as my mother received the news Daniel Colter was interested enough in her daughter to propose, she tried to reconnect with me.  I had cut all contact with my mother, and she never once showed any interest meeting Roland after he was born, but as soon as she found out Daniel and I were getting married, she didn’t waste the chance to get close to me. She told me she didn’t mean anything that she said back then, that she would want to have a chance to know her grandson, but it was too late. Daniel had been aware of everything, and he stood by me. He told my mother that if she ever got near Roland or me to hurt us, he would make sure she’ll regret it until the last day of her life. It was the first time I saw someone confront my mother;  I can still remember her face: a twisted expression of anger, embarrassment, and fear at the same time. Even if by that time, Daniel hadn’t gathered the wealth he gained later, he was the most eligible bachelor in this city: charming, with a promising career, his family was powerful and had friends in important positions. My mother knew that Daniel wasn’t someone to mess with; she has always been intelligent and calculating, so she knew to pick her battles and that there was no chance she could win one against Daniel Colter and his family. She just backed up.”

Robin can’t hide the expression of satisfaction knowing Regina had someone that stood by her and supported her.

“I’m glad she had to swallow her own words.”

“One by one, Robin ...one by one. I had Daniel’s support like that of his entire family. I became the daughter Daniel’s parents didn’t have, and they considered Roland their grandson. I had a fantastic marriage to a man that loved me. We built a beautiful family together, and raised Roland and Henry in a healthy environment filled with love, respect and care.”

“I’m grateful you found a man that gave you what you deserved, Regina. I really am. And I have to thank you for choosing a man like him to take care of ...my son.” He lifts his glass, and toasts  “To Daniel.”

“To Daniel,” answers Regina and she hasn’t finished yet drinking from her glass when she hears him talking again.

“And, Regina, not one word your mother said regarding me is true. Those few days we spent together ...well, I never forgot about them ...about you ...and, I just need you to know I regretted not giving my name and not insisting in having yours the minute I woke up that Monday morning to an empty bed. I had planned to sneak my name and phone number inside your purse, but I didn’t expect you wouldn’t be by my side when I woke up that morning. We didn’t even get the chance for a proper goodbye. I’ve cursed myself countless times for being so stupid. I don’t know what were we thinking.”

Regina isn’t prepared for a revelation like what she just heard. Not once she’d thought she’d left an impression on him, least of all that he never forgot about their time together.  Even when he had said exactly the same thing (she remembers quite well), that day at his office when they both found out about their tattoos and recognized each other. She thought then it had been more about courtesy or a way of revealing his identity, than the truth.

“I ...I don’t know either, Robin. I ...I just thought it would be better if I left that way. Otherwise, it ...it would have been harder. If it makes you feel better, I’ve cursed myself maybe more times than you for the same reason.”

“Being honest, it doesn’t make me feel any better,” he retorts.

“It’s not fair, Robin, our story was so short. It hadn’t even begun, and it was already over.”

The moment those words leave her mouth she wishes she hadn’t said them. It feels completely out of place after having discussed how marvelous her late husband was. However, she couldn’t avoid telling him something she has always thought and felt about the way they met.

“It doesn’t make it any less epic, Regina. We made magic together.”

His reply startles her ...and makes her blush because it’s the last thing she’s expecting to hear from him.

“That we did,” she gets to say in between her efforts to fake her surprise and those to hide her flush, but she continues talking. “It feels odd, you know, opening up about Daniel, telling you how happy we were, the amazing person he was, and at the same time complaining because of the little time you and I had.”

“It isn’t odd at all, Regina. As we age we realize there’s not only one special person in our lives, there are several. For example, my ex-wife is still special to me, even if our break up wasn’t in the best terms, she has a place in my heart because of what she gave me and because of the beautiful moments we spent together. How can someone special in a particular moment of our lives, stop being important because we moved on? It doesn’t work that way, affections might change, or death can get in the way. We don’t stop loving someone just because they die; we try to move on and turn that love into positive memories. On the other hand, it is possible to stop loving someone that lives with us, and that we see each day. In both cases, we shared with them something special, intense, unique, still, that person being dead or no longer loving them, you can’t erase the impact they had in your life. And ...hmm ...it’s the same with you, Regina, even not knowing your name and who you were, what we shared, even long ago and for a short time, has a special place in my memories and heart. Regina, you have gifted me with a second chance, with the prospect to get to know my son, and for that, I will always be grateful.”

His words impact her because of the meaning behind them; because they make her feel in peace with herself, and because the word _ex-wife_ rewards her with a sense of hope she hasn’t felt for a long time.

Smiling, this time shamelessly flirtatiously, she answers “I guess it’s okay, then, to have more than one special someone ...and ...and you have also been in my memories, and in my life for years. Each time I looked at Roland, I saw you there. I want to thank you also, Robin ...without you, I wouldn’t have Roland ...and he filled my life with so much joy and love. I can’t picture my life without him, and ...I ...I want you to taste what’s him as a son. I want you to be part of his life as messy as things might seem right now ...and I hope that’ll be something we’ll be able to deal with ...”

The only word he says next means so much more than a thousand ones.

“Together.”

And somehow, not being a date, it just began feeling like one.

* * *

Torture.

The moment Robin spotted Regina entering the bar and walking decidedly towards him he knew the evening he was having ahead would be one of pure torment, not only because of the way he felt towards her -which hadn’t changed in the slightest since his discovery of the day before- but also because of the topic they were about to discuss.

After having talked to John that same morning, and the little time of introspection he had at home, he had been left in a state of confusion that a hot shower had been unable to rinse away and one that her unexpected call had exacerbated.

In fact, he hadn’t expected her to take the first step, least of all considering the way he left her house the day before: in shock after an unexpected revelation, angry and disappointed. He regretted leaving her house in such a way, not even a goodbye or a wave of his hand. Nothing. But he was only a man, a human being that had just discovered very surprising news and needed some time to pull himself together somewhere away from her.

Her single _Robin?_ after he answered his phone had the power of making him feel otherwise in the blink of an eye. Feelings like anger, resentment or disappointment towards her had been replaced by excitement, concern ...and, yes ...hope.

However, as soon as he arrived at that bar, took a seat in the farthest table available and drank the first sip of whiskey as he waited for her, he began to feel uneasy, nervous, and distrustful of the information she would be sharing with him. At one point he had even thought that if she had been able to keep the truth from her own son for more than two decades, what wouldn’t she hide from him. He dismissed those thoughts realizing he needed to begin this meeting with the first step toward trust and should listen to whatever she had to say without judging her. He tried, he really had, but hadn’t been able to pretend he was okay with it, at least at the beginning of their chat.

However, after hearing her story, all the trouble she went through trying to find him, and the episode with her mother after she decided to keep her ... _his_ ... _their_ baby, shit ...he needs to get used to his new reality and call things as they are ...anyway, after listening to Regina’s ordeal, his mood shifted naturally to a more sympathetic one.

And, after knowing some details about her life, he had been able to open up. It seemed fair to share with her the fact that he hadn’t been able to forget her. Those words were not a courtesy, they were the truth, and they were the breaking point of their conversation.

Robin switched to a different mood, after that; one where he feasted on every detail and savored every little gesture, move and reaction she had.

He found delightful how she tried to mask the fact she was checking his hand to confirm he still wasn’t wearing a ring, and it hasn’t been the first time he has caught her staring at his ringless finger; he had been aware he used to stare at it more time than necessary during their therapy time, and it never failed to make him smirk.  

He was charmed at the way she smiled, taking away his eyes from him when he said he couldn’t forget her and how he had planned to sneak his contact information, even when they had agreed not to.

He had to hold back the need to kiss her when she blushed after he told her they had made magic together, and it amazes him, how an innocent flush and shy smile, worthy of a teenager, but displayed on a mature woman was such a turn on for him.

Robin felt the need to touch her, holding her hands tightly and rubbing his thumbs over her hand when she was opening up to him, and that touch wasn’t only meant to reassure her. It had also been to calm his urge to feel close to her, to connect with her in a different way than looking at her eyes, which he found elusive sometimes.

And, he had also been through the state of observation, something that brought him a feeling of shame. It began after he recognized her entering the place and the first thing that caught his attention was that he had never seen her before wearing a dress and her legs looked fantastic, would on a younger woman, and on a fifty-year-old absolutely amazing. With each step she gave he watched her dress lift a little, displaying her legs up to her knees. He envied those seated at the tables and lucky enough to stare at her hips swaying seductively with each step she got closer to him. Bastards! When, finally, she reached the table turning around a bit he could finally contemplate, yet for brief seconds, her ass, and well, this wasn’t the first time he stared at that part of her anatomy ...it certainly wasn’t …he has ogled at it more frequently than what he would like to confess, but ...oh, man! her ass in that dress was something out of this world.

He had been much aware since the moment both of them agreed to meet it wouldn’t be a date. However, when he found out her choice of outfit, for some seconds, he forgot the purpose of their encounter. The dress she wore suited her amazingly, it was form fitting and allowed him to enjoy the curves that still at fifty she proudly showed. It had a generous amount of cleavage where the roundness of her breasts popped out slightly in a very suggestive way.  

It suited her so amazingly that even now, after more than an hour with her, seated at a table in a bar, and, despite the hard conversation they have had, he can’t stop staring at her cleavage from time to time. Pity he can’t take a look at her ass again, and he realizes he’s been wishing for a while that her bladder would remind her the need to pee so that he can take a peek to the monument that her ass looks in that dress.

He’s such a shitty man, thinking like that in a moment like this, but he realizes it has something to do with the evolution of his state of mind since she arrived and took a seat in front of him. And now that he is in a more relaxed stage, appreciating her physical attributes, even if he still has some questions he isn’t sure she’ll answer as willingly as the ones she answered before, he thinks it would be wiser to finish with the heavy topics, the real shit, and then -after how things turn out for them at the end of their conversation- he can determine where he stands and if he might have a chance with her.  

The real shit begins with a question. “Why, Regina? Why did you keep the truth from Roland?”

He senses this question feels like a bucket of cold water for her and that she wasn’t expecting it after the moment of distension they both had just a few minutes ago, so he thinks he needs to clear up.

“Don’t get me wrong, Regina. I’m not here to judge or criticize your choice or blame you in any way. I just want to understand. It was best for Roland to grow with a father. It certainly was, but I don’t get why you chose to keep the truth from him.”

Robin watches her drink again, just as she did at the very beginning of the evening, and after a deep sigh, she answers.

“Because we were just human beings ...and it was easier, Robin.  We always knew the easy way out wasn’t the best one, but we never found the right time, and we just continued pretending we were a normal happy family …”

Robin doesn’t let her continue and interrupts her, “And you were, Regina. The four of you were a normal happy family, and I’m glad Roland grew up in that environment.”

She smiles, and, again, he finds that gesture delightful.

“...we keep going, Roland never asked, we were about to tell him several times, but somehow never had the courage, with time it only became more difficult to find the right words ...hmm ...the year Daniel died we both had agreed we wouldn’t let the year end without telling Roland the truth, but Daniel died in August, and, again, I put on hold that conversation ...and well ...you can imagine the rest ...I ...I always knew this would backlash ...I  ...I just didn’t expect it would be like this.”

“Did he never suspect anything? Maybe when he didn’t find any pictures of Daniel and him as a newborn?” he asks intrigued.

“Children don’t ask that stuff, Robin. Unless someone tells them otherwise, they assume the one man that they have had by their side all their life is their father. He never questioned that. Once, though, we thought he would discover the truth. It happened when Roland was maybe fourteen or fifteen and Henry had needed surgery. We were filling the hospital forms about blood type. Roland was such a smart boy, and he had just had that science class on genetics, inheritance, and genes, and had been asking about his blood type. He had been fascinated with that stuff for a while ...he ...he realized his blood type was quite uncommon. He’s AB ...and I guess you are a B from the research I had to do later ..”

Robin nods, knowing what comes next. He didn’t work his ass off in medical school, not to know Mendel’s laws. And, not Greg Mendel, the bastard that tried to take his position when he just came to America. No, not him but, Gregor Mendel, the father of modern genetics, the genius that settled the basis for inheritance, so he knows where she is going.

“Roland read the hospital form, where it said Daniel and I were blood type A. And he said something like how could that be possible because his teacher said two parents with blood type A would never have a child with blood type AB. Daniel said he again confused his blood type with the one of his brother, and he just changed the topic. After that incident, Daniel and I decided to tell Roland the truth. It was the time we were the closest to tell him.  But when he came to our bedroom after we called him, and looked at Daniel with those big eyes and asked _‘yes Daddy?’_ with a big smile, we just looked at each other and understood we wouldn’t be telling him the truth that day either.”

“Shit, Regina, that must have been hard. And, believe me, I exactly understand what you say, sometimes it easier to just keep going, maintain the _status quo_ and not ever look back. I get it.”

As Robin talks, he looks at her and finds that, again, she evades his gaze by tilting her head and -in an act of braveness- he takes one of his hands to her face, slowly turns it so that their gazes can meet. He sees the emotion in her eyes, tears that are already gathered in them about to fall anytime, and he doesn’t want to watch her cry for a second time in just a few hours. She’s been through so much, and he doesn’t want to be the one that brings her more suffering.

“Regina, I already told you I’m not here to judge any of your choices. I came here because I wanted to hear what you had to say, and from what I’ve heard it sounds to me like you did great with what you had ...but also I’ve heard you want me to be in Roland’s life ...and I very much want that. I want to have the chance to know my son ...it doesn’t matter If I’m twenty-six years late. So, let’s figure out the best formula in which I can be in his life without shattering the world he knows and the memory of the man who raised him ...and we’ll do it together.”

Robin watches how her eyes begin glowing with excitement, and he can no longer tell if the wetness in her eyes is because of sorrow or bliss.

“I ...I’d like that ...but he’s an adult Robin. I guess I no longer have a say on this. I ...I think he deserves to know the truth, but I can’t assure you he’ll want the same as you do. Maybe he’ll reject both of us. I’m clueless on how to approach something like this and what to expect from him.”

“Well, I guess we need to figure this out and find out what does Roland think. Do you want me to be with you for this?”

“Honestly? I’d love to have someone else volunteering. I’d give everything to avoid this situation, but I guess this time I have no way out.”

Regina closes her eyes, shakes her head and exhales. “I think it would be better if I talk to him first ...it just happens that you are in the middle of this mess, but I’m the one that created all this.”

After listening to her, and reading guilt, he remembers that first session with her, and, suddenly, has the need to ask.

“Was this the issue that had been bothering you and that made you seek help. Wasn’t it? Was this the guilt that had been eating you alive for years. Wasn’t it?  The one you said was because you kept something from someone important to you for a long time. You were talking about Roland, back then.”

“Yeah, it was. I ...I was determined to share this with you on our first session but chickened out when you talked to me, and I recognized your accent and some of your features that seemed so familiar to me. That’s why I asked you if it could have been possible that we had met before. However,  your answer, made me dismiss those ideas. I understand that still if I didn’t keep anything from you on purpose, I have turned your life upside down with this …your family must be...hmm ….baffled, to say the least.”

Robin smirks when he hears he wasn’t the only one affected on their first session and because he realizes she knows nothing about his life. He remembered mentioning an ex-wife, but the circumstances in which he brought that topic up hadn’t been the ideal to delve into his personal life. However, things just changed. The mother of her son has the right to learn some things about his life, and he’s willing to share everything with her.

“My family is mostly my daughter and me ...well, and now Roland.” He thought about adding _and you_ , he had those two words in the tip of his tongue, but somehow backed up. He didn’t want to seem too forward, and the fact that they shared a son (an adult son with no need to co-parent), and that he had been interested in her for a while, even before finding out she was the woman he called _his Queen_ , didn’t mean he should host any hope that their relationship could be something more. So, those two words would have been a very unwise choice (thank God for the common sense he still has after three glasses of whiskey).

Even if they haven’t talked yet about how to break the news to Roland, Robin feels relaxed and happy ...and a little tipsy. What is the harm in taking advantage of the fact that he is in a bar, with a gorgeous woman that has her full attention on him on a Saturday night? There’s no harm at all. He doesn’t need to fill all the blanks at once. For now, he thinks he’s had enough of their past and of Roland, and instead, wants to focus on her, on the woman, but first, he needs to make clear something. The last thing he needs right now to complete the mess that his life is, would be a complaint to the board if by any chance someone bumps into them in what clearly appears to be a date at the eyes of other people.

“Regina, I want to be very clear with something. Since Wednesday afternoon you have no longer been my patient. You have this clear. Don’t you? Please, call John Little. You can’t decide to stop taking your medication just like that.”

She nods and he continues, grinning as he bites his lower lip,  “So, now, having cleared all our doubts, why don’t we just relax and talk about something different? Do you want something to eat? I just realized we only drank and didn’t eat anything. Let me take you to _The Tavern_ , the place with the best _spaghetti carbonara_ in town. What do you say …” he makes a pause and adds, almost in a whisper “ _Your Majesty_?”

Her answer comes by instinct.

“I’m starving!” Lead the way, _Thief_ ”

And after Robin pays for their drinks and walks towards the exit, this time taking care he gets a full view of her splendid ass while she walks, he thinks he is such a lucky bastard. He just got a date with the woman of her dreams!

* * *

 

_**To** **_b_ e continued...** _

 

 


	7. The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the amazing @BabyLawyerOQ who has beta read this in record time, allowing me to post this chapter for OQUpdateMonth.
> 
> This chapter has been really difficult to write because of the Roland/Regina talk. I doubted at first what would be the best approach to address the topic Roland is about to find out. After much thinking, I realized the way this meeting develops is needed for the story and for Roland/Robin and OQ relationships to move forward. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and love to hear what you all think!

“How was your date with the man with the lion tattoo?” asks Tink for the third time, ignoring the fact that Regina has evaded that same question twice already.

Regina doesn’t know for sure if Tink can’t see the obvious — because she has failed to get the message that Regina doesn’t want to answer that question and that she should just drop the topic once and for all, and move to another thing—or, if Tink, actually, doesn’t care at all.

Whichever it is, Regina understands it’s pointless to continue avoiding something Tink is determined to find out. So, after hearing Tink insistently asking the same question for the third time, Regina realizes it’d be better, wiser and time-saving for the both of them if she just alleviates her friend’s curiosity at last. Tink will continue asking that very same question until she gets an answer, and not only whatever answer but one that’ll please her. That, she can be positive.

With a roll of her eyes and a shake of her head, Regina retorts. “Can you stop calling him like _that!_ His name is Robin. We already know that. There’s no need to continue calling him by the stupid nickname you invented ...and ...it wasn’t a date, for God’s sake, Tink! How many times I have to tell you that?”

“Okay, then. So, how was your _not-date_ with ...hmm ... _Robin_?” Tink emphasizes those two words trying to make evident that she will ask the question just as Regina wants if that way she’ll get to have her answer.

“I’d say our meeting went fine. At first, things were kind of rocky between us, and ...hmm ...awkward, but they began running smoothly after having told him everything ...” begins explaining Regina, but before she can finish talking Tink interrupts her when she hears a word that catches her attention.

“Oh! Smoothly? How smooth? er... like flirtatious smooth? or maybe ...”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, Tink, but just understandingly smooth,” snaps Regina, ignoring the way Tink exhales loudly in an evident sign of complaint and disappointment but continues talking again before Tink has any time to continue with her nonsense.

“Robin wants to be in Roland’s life. And, I want the same thing, at least I think it should be Roland’s choice. So ...well …it seems this time I have no way out of this. I’m just trying to figure out when would be best to talk to Roland.”

Despite Tink’s unlucky love life and unhappy marriage, she has always been a romantic, has enjoyed other people’s romances, and has loved playing matchmaker whenever she thought she saw a spark between two people. And, although not being able to do that with Regina and Robin due to the circumstances of their affair, their story, the way they met, and the mystery surrounding it, their story has always fascinated her. That’s the reason why it’s so difficult for Tink to hide her disappointment for a second time after hearing Regina and Robin’s encounter had been, apparently, some kind of formal reunion to discuss one only topic and nothing else.

Still, it seems Tink has the good judgment to realize her discontent is nothing compared to what Regina might be feeling at that moment. So, instead of beginning complaining or inquiring about Regina and Robin’s potential date ...or _not-date_ , as Regina has already stated, she thinks it’d be best to support her friend.

“And, have you already planned when will you talk to Roland? You know, I can be with you ...if you want ...or need ...or whatever.”

“I’ve talked to Robin only yesterday, Tink, and it happens you woke me up on a Sunday morning with some breakfast I didn’t ask for. So, I haven’t had any time to process last night’s events.”

“Regina! I thought that shitty feta and spinach wrap would loosen your tongue. It worked yesterday …” responds Tink trying out some sort of gesture in between a pout and a smirk that only makes Regina laugh, but this time Tink gets ahead of Regina and adds “Oh! so, there were events that need processing ...Tell me, what happened?”

Regina shakes her head again, and, after a sigh that leaves her almost breathless, she exclaims, “That shitty feta and spinach wrap as you call it, didn’t work yesterday! It was me the one who wanted to talk to you then, unlike this morning, Tink. I went to bed late and I drank too much. I would have needed, at least, two more hours of sleep.”

Regina regrets her words, the minute she finishes talking.

“Late? Drinks? _Not-date_ , huh?” teases Tink, lifting her eyebrows and showing off those expressive green orbs that glow with excitement after listening to Regina.

“Yeah, _late_ because, there was a lot to talk about, and _drinks_ because I needed something to help me find some courage. So, again, it wasn’t a date.”  

For a second time, Tink fakes a pout that Regina doesn’t seem to notice, and if she does, she doesn’t mind in the slightest, because she continues talking.

“Please, Tink everything is so recent ...just give me a day or two to get to used to the idea and find the right moment to break the news to Roland.”

“Regina, there is no right moment to give such news to anyone. You’ll have to create a moment for it. Just do it without much thinking because it is something you’ve been delaying for years waiting for the perfect timing and words ...and you never found either of those.”

Tink’s words leave Regina contemplative for some seconds, in which she thinks Tink said nothing but the truth, and, as she tries to convince herself that at least her son is an adult and can process information in a different way than a child, a more mature one, she panics after realizing that’s actually not that good and, on the contrary, might become an inconvenience.

“Shit! Tink, I ...just realized I’ll need to go through the mortification of telling Roland I had sex with a random guy I met on a bar -whose name I even didn’t bother to ask- and got pregnant! Okay, I won’t be telling him that, literally, but my adult son will know that I didn’t have a three dollar condom at hand ...I ...shit ...I would be admitting to him that I did exactly what I’ve taught him not to do since he was fourteen. What kind of mother am I going to be at his eyes? Besides a liar, a careless and horny one? I’m so afraid he’ll hate me, judge me ...and just walk away from me.”

“Regina, please, those were the early nineties. Don’t you remember how by that time people were just beginning to get used to wearing condoms? I did the same as you plenty of times before I married Malcolm …”

Regina tilts her head and looks at Tink with a smug smile that makes Tink add, “Okay, maybe not _exactly_ the same, I did know their names and I didn’t get pregnant, but at the end, it was the same. I’m not sure if any of those bastards had knocked me up, they would have answered one of my calls.”

Regina chuckles and thinks Tink never fails to lighten her mood despite the circumstances. It has always been that way, and it hasn’t changed throughout the years.

“Regina, don’t think of yourself as if you were a twenty-two-year-old woman nowadays. I’m sure Roland will be capable of understanding that.”

“Maybe. But that doesn’t change the fact that I feel nervous and afraid ...and embarrassed about having to share with him that part of the story.”

“Look, Regina. He’ll be shocked, he’ll walk away just like you do when you don’t want to face some facts, but he’ll come to his mind and will be back to you and, then, your relationship will be stronger than ever. He’s a man, not a child or a teen and will have another perspective, even if it means he’ll have to picture you in a way he hasn’t had before. I’m sure knowing his mother and the man she met in a bar twenty-seven years ago didn’t wear a condom will be the least of his concerns ...as should be yours. If I were you, I’d be more worried about Henry and how he’d take this news.”

“Shit! Henry! I’ve fucked up everything Tink. There’s no way I can be out of this unharmed. Both my sons, that are the people that matter to me the most, will hate me.”

It’s obvious for Tink that Regina has been so focused and worried about Roland’s reaction that has forgotten completely how this news could affect Henry, and immediately regrets having mentioned him. However, she can’t take back those words, least of all the impact they leave on Regina.

“Regina, just be honest with Roland, once he knows the news we’ll worry about Henry, and…” Tink stops talking when -after watching Regina’s face of disbelief and worry- she understands Regina can’t do this alone, so she just leaves unfinished what she was about to say, takes Regina’s hands in hers and talks, “Let me be with you. Just figure out the date and time when you’ll talk to Roland and I’ll be there.”

“Tink, I think it’d be better if It’s only Roland and me.”

Tink knows Regina is stubborn and by any means will admit she needs someone by her side, so Tink goes for the one thing Regina won’t argue with.

“Better for whom, Regina? Do you remember when Roland was born? Do you remember what I promised you both? If you don’t want me to be there for you, it’s okay, but I’ll be there for Roland ...and now, tell me every detail of your date with the man with the lion tattoo.”

And after those words, which doesn’t fail to crack up a smile in Regina for a second or third time that morning, she begins sharing with Tink the details of her _not-date_ with Robin. The thrill in her words, which she hasn’t felt for a very long time when she shares with her friend their time at _The Tavern_ , makes her realize that not labeling her encounter with Robin as a date, doesn’t mean it wasn’t precisely that.

She hadn’t been able to fool her friend and would be very unwise to continue wasting her efforts trying to fool herself. It’s then when she accepts that what she had with Robin the night before after they left for _The Tavern_ was, indeed, a date, and shocked, she realizes she is looking very much forward to have a second one. ...and she is very much aware of what she needs to do before that.

* * *

 “How will you know if she talked to the lad?” asks John. It’s the fourth or fifth question on a row he asks, and Robin is about to lose his patience any moment.

“I guess she’ll call me ...I don’t know, man. We didn’t discuss that. I’m calling her later to know how is she, and maybe she’ll tell me if she already talked to Roland or when she’ll do it.”

It seems Robin’s life has turned into John’s main concern since Robin shared with him the news about Regina and Roland, just the day before. And it became pretty obvious to Robin when John arrived, unannounced, on a Sunday at lunchtime, bringing some Chinese take out for lunch and a bunch of questions he began to ask as soon as Robin opened the door.

“Oh, okay, I get it,” answers John focussing his attention on opening the container with the _Orange Chicken_ and serving a generous portion on his plate.

“Try this, Robin ...mmm ... these _egg rolls_ are fantastic …and …mmm ...tell me about last night. It’s been …ages since you arrived that late ... mmm ….this is so good, man!” exclaims John in between bites.

Robin looks at him intrigued as he serves himself two _egg rolls_ and some _Chow Mein._

“How do you know at what time I got here?”

“Er ...the concierge told me ...It seems I’m not the only one who noticed this is the first time in ...I can’t even say since when ...you stay in a woman’s company that late.”

“Shit, man! Why can’t Gus mind his own business? If he would just had done his job right instead of keeping sticking his nose in other people’s lives we wouldn’t be paying the insane amount of money we are to buy another CCTV system because he never scheduled its maintenance!” snaps Robin as he shakes his head in a gesture that clearly shows he can’t believe his lack of love life has been occupying Gus’ free time, which seems is a lot.

Robin takes a bite of his food, and after he has swallowed and drank a generous sip of beer, he answers “We had a lot to discuss, John.”

“I’m sure you had, mate …and I’m glad you sorted things out with her ...I can see you did ...oh, and by the way, she hasn’t called me yet, you know to begin treating her, but when she does I’ll tell her to book an appointment with Tuck. I can’t treat her after knowing about her from you, her involvement in your life, and your expectations. You’re my best friend. Tuck will do a good job with her.”

John’s words make Robin stop eating at the realization of the meaning behind them. The raw truth is that his attention has been fixated only in Regina and Roland and, somehow, has been tampering with his ability to assess other facts and have a better perspective on things. And, now that John has stated this, it’s obvious John’s intervention as a physician wouldn’t have been appropriate. Probably, John would have been biased because of the previous knowledge he has about Regina through Robin’s eyes. John must already have an opinion because of it and might have chosen a side in this conflict  -even if he doesn’t need to- and Robin is sure it won’t be hers. This leads Robin to think that his lack of common sense is dangerous because it could have easily been meddling with his ability to treat other patients, as well.

“Yeah, you’re damn right! What was I thinking when I suggested you’d be a good option? I’ll phone her today and tell this to her. She won’t be calling you today ...it’s Sunday, but I don’t want her to feel rejected by a doctor for a second time.”

“Man, you aren’t rejecting her, you want her in another capacity, one which is incompatible with being her psychiatrist. You told me so before you failed to share all this drama with me. Don’t you remember?  Anyway, how was your date with her? I don’t want to know about the lad now or about Regina’s life, I know enough about that already. I want the details of your date with her.”

Robin stares at his friend and realizes he’s busted. Still, he tries to deny the obvious.

“I ...I don’t want her in another capacity as you say, John. I just found out she’s the mother of my son. So, like it or not she’s part of my life ...and it wasn’t a date.”

“If you want to say so, it’s okay, Robin ….however, I doubt you think ...and feel that way.”

Robin ignores John’s observation, and continues talking, “Things at the beginning were kind of awkward, we both were tense, then she told me about her life after she found out about Roland and ...well it made me feel more empathetic towards her. She ...she’s amazing ...she’s been through so much and still she tries to see the half full glass instead of the half empty one. Afterward, we left the place and went to _The Tavern_ , there things felt more natural for both of us. We were able to leave this issue aside and just enjoyed dinner and had a nice chat.”

John smirks, “So, you did have a date with her.”

“It wasn’t a _date_ , at least it wasn’t meant to be one, but …you know what? You can call it whatever you want John. I won’t argue about semantics,” lashes out Robin.

“Whoa, man! I was joking.” John begins serving himself some fried rice, which it seems he hasn’t tried yet because of the way he serves one spoonful of the food after another on his plate, and adds, “You’re smitten, man. I can see that. Save the trouble denying it ...” he finishes serving his food, and staring at Robin, he continues talking, “...at least to me.”

Robin exhales, bows his head in a signal of defeat for an instant, and when he lifts his head he gazes at the man in front of him, who has proven that definitely knows him pretty well.

“Since it seems I can’t hide anything from you, pretending is pointless. Yes. I have feelings for her. I haven’t felt this way in a very long time, John ...and I don’t want to ruin any chance I might have with her in the future. I have to handle this very carefully, and for now, I need to know where I stand with Roland to move forward with Regina. It seems I’m stuck regarding her.”

John grins. It’s good to confirm he has been right all the time.

“Do you really think so? I think she’s as interested as you, but she has something else bothering her …and you know exactly what it is.  Gus said you arrived past two in the morning, man …you told me you were meeting her at 7 pm. Seven …seven hours just the two of you. Take away, the two or three hours in which you discussed the real shit …there’s no way a woman would spend four hours with a man she’s not interested in. Did things get steamy?”

“Shit, John. If I didn’t know you so well I would think I was talking to a teenager. Look, I haven’t dated someone in years, and I’m totally out of practice. Still, my work keeps me trained in observing, perceiving, reading people, and you are right, she enjoyed our time together. She’s flirty and sexy, that’s her nature, it just flows naturally, and she takes advantage of it. And things didn’t get steamy. She was gorgeous last night, everything about her, but I didn’t want ...well yes I want ...I wanted something more to happen last night, but I thought it wouldn’t be clever to take things further with her when she has the issue about Roland in her head. That would have added another element to the complex equation we already have. I want to take things to the physical level with her when all she’d think about is us. That would be the right time. It seems I’ll have to wait.”

“Good luck waiting for her man! Just tell me if you need anything.”

And, somehow Robin begins feeling lighter.  

* * *

Mondays.

No one likes Mondays.

Mondays are consecutive weekly cruel reminders that time is finite.

One week after another, the first light of each Monday warns us that the tedious routine begins again and that there’ll be no truce during the five long days that will follow.

Mondays arise the same feeling in almost all people, and for Regina Mills is no different.

However, this time it isn’t about the extra strength needed to begin a working week; not because she left something undone that would need to wait until the next weekend to be taken care of due to her lack of time; nor, that she has a lunch meeting with Sidney Glass, a client that creeps her out each time she catches him staring at her when he thinks she doesn’t notice. He’s someone who’s obviously extending his time with her by not approving the damn visual arts for his company, that Regina and her team have worked their asses off during the last months.

This time she would prefer to deal with any of the above, rather than to have  _that_ talk with her son. A talk she has been postponing for years, and which will take place after their working days are over.

Nonetheless, even when she’s anxious and nervous, she has a spark of hope that things might not be as bad as they appear. This feeling reminds her of a hidden face of Mondays: the one of a new beginning.

A shy smile shows up on her face at the remembrance of the countless new beginnings she’s had over her life on Mondays. Yes, Mondays have been a good choice for beginning a diet, resume exercise, quit smoking (yes, years ago she had that unhealthy habit and one Monday morning she thought that’d be the day she’d quit ...and so she did) or decide to begin potty training her sons.

So, why not? Why can’t this honest chat with her son become a new beginning for her? One in which certain blue-eyed man can be part of, as well. She’s aware that after this afternoon Roland’s life will be turned upside down, the world as he knows will change and, with it, his relationship with her and the memory of the man he knew as his father. And as she thinks about all this she can’t help the spark of relief that begins spreading inside her at the realization that finally, she’ll be able to take away this weight off her shoulders.

Having carried this heavy burden for more than two decades has been tiring and consuming, and even when she has been capable of forgetting about it for long periods or just pretending it didn’t exist, it has always been there, and since Daniel died, she has borne that burden all by herself.

It’s odd, she thinks, feeling this way. On the one hand she’s anxious and wants this to be over already so that she can feel some relief at last, but, on the other hand, she’s afraid and feels like shit because, in order to be relieved and feel lighter, she must break the heart of her son. It’s so unfair that the one paying the price of her lack of common sense when she thought taking the easy way out of a problem, would be one of the people she loves most.

Anyway, she’s decided to tell Roland the truth and thanks to Tink’s words -which have kept her company since the day before- she considered it would be useless to think in advance how to address this issue with her son. There are no right words nor a better way to tell someone that what they thought all their lives was a lie. She will just let things flow as naturally as they can.

Still, the way she feels doesn’t help at all to make time pass by faster, and she spends Monday morning trying to focus on work but failing terribly. Robin’s call last night hasn’t helped at all, and, on the contrary, has added extra stress and something else to think about besides the already numerous thoughts that keep invading her mind and that refuse to leave it despite the load of work she has.

He called her the night before when she was about to go to bed, and she knows his sole intention was no other than to show her his concern and support. That call was never meant otherwise, she is very well aware of that, but at one point she found herself flirting shamelessly with him, and ...he flirted back.

His voice had sounded so sexy over the phone, almost a whisper at some point, that she had had the need to close her eyes while listening to him pretending he was next to her, laying by her side on her empty bed. And even if they haven’t said anything inappropriate or that could make one of them think the other one was crossing a line, his voice had been enough to make her feel so turned on that she’d had the need to rub her legs one against the other, trying to seek some sort of friction to relieve the desire she began to feel between her thighs. And she would have said that after finishing the call she was already wet, but she’d be lying.

It’s been six months since she had her period, and she knows what does that mean. She knows what to expect from menopause, and lack of lubrication is one of those things. She has begun to deal with it some months before she turned fifty, and, although it isn’t as annoying as those embarrassing flushes she is experimenting for some time now, it’s frustrating. And it’s not that this situation has complicated her sex life because, actually, it’s been a long while since the last time she had sex. With Daniel, she never had to worry about that issue in particular because she was not there yet, and after Daniel’s death it took some years for her to be ready to engage in intimacy with someone.

She has never been a woman fond of one night stands, or maybe she once was and after the consequences of her experience with Robin, she decided she wouldn’t be traveling that road again. So, aside from Robin in her youth, she’s never done that, and since she had been married for almost two decades to the same man, she never had the need to think about sex with someone else and all that engaging in a sexual relationship entails ...until some weeks ago.

So, no, she hadn’t been wet because of him, but that hadn’t meant she hadn’t been turned on by him, and, thanks to science, lack of wetness had been the least of her concerns and didn’t avoid her from taking matters into her own hands and find some relief in the privacy of her bedroom with the sound of his voice still echoing in her mind.

Thus, Robin’s call and her private activities of the night before are engraved in her mind and as soon as she tries to focus on work those thoughts come back all over again.

........

During lunch, things are worse.

She is unable to pay any attention to Sidney Glass, which obviously is confusing their lunch work meeting with a date, because he insisted they should take lunch at a fancy restaurant and, surprisingly, he had already a reservation for a table for two in a suspiciously private corner of the crowded place.

She finds herself thinking about sex with Robin, as she plays with her food delicately, taking it with the fork to one edge of the plate just to return it to the opposite one, and it isn’t until she begins hearing Sidney Glass’ words that she comes back to reality.

She nods her head and begins to eat, taking one small bite, then another one, smiling between them as she prays that her stomach doesn’t betray her because it happens that this Monday has taken away her appetite as well.

She doesn’t know how she makes it through dessert without emptying her stomach right in front of that man, and -at least- she hopes he will read her behavior during lunch and her conversation …or lack of (because mostly one-word answers, _hmmms_ , _ohhhs_ and nods of her head can’t be considered an eloquent conversation) to stop prolonging their commercial relationship. She hopes that after this, Sidney approves Regina’s work and becomes part of her long list of satisfied clients, rather than the pain in the ass he’s been during the last months.

She eats dessert quickly and curses herself for having ordered a complete portion of _crème brûlée_ instead of having none (as her stomach kept reminding her) or sharing his, as he willingly suggested. She didn’t want to be rude with him, well, ruder than how she already has been ...he is still a client ...and a good one, so refusing dessert might have appeared to be unpolite, and sharing a dish with a man with whom she doesn’t want anything different than to get paid what’s pending of a five-digit bill for what she considers an outstanding work, wouldn’t have been wise. Sharing a dish involves some sort of closeness between two people, intimacy even, and she has none with the man seated in front of her. So, a dessert for her own had been the best choice, yet as she eats, she doubts it.

She finishes her _crème brûlée_ and, this time, she refuses a coffee or anything else that might contribute to making this lunch meeting last longer. She insists on sharing the check, which he refuses, and finally, after he pays for their lunch, she’s free to go ...ready for the real shit to begin.

* * *

“Shit, Regina for someone working in the creative business it seems you ran out of ideas when you chose this place among all in town to break this news to Roland!” exclaims Tink shaking her head as if she couldn’t believe Regina’s choice of place.

“What do you want me to do? Do you want me to ruin another place for him? Do you want me to tell him the news in my house so that each time he comes home to visit me, he remembers how I broke his heart in the very same couch he would be seated on? ….well, that’s in case he wants something with me after our talk ...Or, do you want me to break the news at his place, so that each time he’s having a drink with that lovely girlfriend of his, he recalls the time his mother shattered his world into pieces in that same place? This place, at least, won’t do that to him. He hates it already ...and please, don’t do this, Tink. This is hard just as it is. I don’t need your criticism right now. Believe me.”

Regina talks with passion, gazing directly into Tink’s eyes and with no intention to hide how she feels. However, even if Regina would have wanted to mask her feelings, she wouldn’t have succeeded hiding anything from the blonde because her eyes talk for her and they shout silent words of fear, despair, panic, sadness, anguish; although, her mouth tries to speak calmly in a useless effort to demonstrate she has the situation under control.

And, since Tink can read Regina as an open book (her eyes included), she adds, “You’re right, Regina. Let’s do this. I’ll be right here for both of you.”

Both women are seated at a table on the farthest corner of the little diner the two of them know too well, they look at each other, smile in understanding and turn their heads, at once, towards the door, just to spot Roland entering the place.

“Shit! Here he comes …I’m ...I’m ready ...Shit!  No …no ...I’m not…” Regina’s stammering and heavy breaths as if trying to gather some calm make Tink hold Regina’s hands tightly and squeeze them trying to reassure her and give some strength.

They both watch Roland making his way through the tables, waitresses, and waiters. He’s wearing a blue suit, white shirt and tie, and carries a briefcase in one of his hands. His stubble is neatly trimmed, and his dark curly hair -now a little long for Regina’s liking, is nicely combed with hair gel, so that his curls stay still- adds a bold touch to his executive and professional look.

He walks steadily through the place, looking to one side and to the other, trying to search for his mother, but not succeeding because it happens Regina and Tink’s table is located in a hidden corner from the entrance. A quiet spot that allows that those at the table can check with some difficulty the customers entering the place, but avoids the latest to have a view of the full place upon stepping in.

As he continues walking slowly, turning his head to one side, then to the other, and sometimes even back, trying to check out if -by any chance- he missed his mother’s table, his expression of concern, worry and discomfort says more than a thousand words.

When he has almost covered the entire place and is heading towards the only part he has not examined yet, he spots the little table, and their gazes meet.  Roland doesn’t even smile and, instead, shifts his gaze to the woman by his mother’s side in surprise. If he ever doubted the meaning of the choice of place, his godmother’s presence is undoubtedly the confirmation that something’s not right and whatever his mother wants to discuss with him is a delicate matter.

Roland finally reaches the table where both women are waiting for him and, as he removes the chair to take a seat, he exclaims, “Aunt Tink?” And rather than a question (because certainly it isn’t meant to interrogate the woman or find an answer), it’s an expression of confirmation, of corroboration of what he has in front of his own eyes.

Both women realize how upset seems Roland because he hasn’t even greeted the two women properly, exhibiting a behavior so distant from the one Roland shows towards his family and friends, which has always been sweet, polite, caring and gentle. However, Regina knows this is no time for reminders of any kind about manners, least of all to scold her son about his apparent rudeness.

As soon as Roland sits, he can’t help but point out what he suspects, and begins interrogating Regina, “Shit Mom, things are really fucked up, aren’t they? This is bad. What is it? Is it about Henry? I just talked to him this morning ...or …is it you, Mom? Are you okay?”

Roland’s eyes show, now, fear. The look of worry in his eyes when he first entered the place, and the one of surprise when he realized her mother wasn’t alone, has been replaced by angst, dread and panic.

Regina rushes to give an answer before Roland begins to make wrong assumptions, “It’s not Henry. And, no. I’m not okay, Roland. I ...I need to talk to you and Aunt Tink is here with us because she might be of help.”

It seems Regina’s answer doesn’t help much because Roland’s reaction is a deep breath as if trying to get out all the bad feelings that are inside him. Then, he takes both hands to his head, shakes it like if he couldn’t believe what is happening, and talks, “When you summoned me here I didn’t buy it was because you were nearby. You avoid this side of the city since dad died ...and this place makes me want to vomit, I bet it’s the same for you. So I knew you wouldn’t have summoned me here to tell me something pleasant. This is really bad. You want to tell me something worse than what you told me in this same place four years ago.”

“You’re smart and perceptive, Roland. You always have been. I knew you would find the choice of place odd, and it has something to do with what I’m going to share with you. I never said I chose this place because I was nearby, though. I said this place was suitable ...and sadly it is.”

Roland stares at his mother. He waits for her to continue talking, but he has to settle for watching her take a sip of her coffee, waiting for her to swallow just to witness her take a second gulp after that.

“Please, Mom...what’s wrong? Are you sick?”  asks Roland. The tone of his voice almost a plea, and it seems it gives Regina the little push she needs because she answers without hesitation.

“Yes, I am, Roland. I’m sick of lying. I ...I have hidden something from you for years, and it’s time to tell you the truth.”

Roland stares at his mother with disbelief and mutters the only word he can, “Wh-what?”

There is no way back and Regina knows it. She feels the firm squeeze Tink gives to one of her hands, that now rests over her lap below the table, and with that dose of encouragement and a sigh, she continues.

“Yes, Roland. I’ve been lying to you.  It has to do with your father ...with Daniel ...well, I think this won’t surprise you ...we got married after you were born,” begins telling Regina, and Roland notices the way his mother plays with her fingers, using the nail of her thumb to rub the side of each finger until she reaches her little finger, just to go back to her index and begin doing the same thing all over again. It’s a habit she has when she is nervous, one that Roland knows far too well.

For some seconds the only sound the three of them hear is the rhythmical _click click_ of Regina’s fingers playing against one another until Roland speaks.

“I’m aware of that. Even if I don’t remember your wedding day, I’ve seen the pictures, and I’m bad at maths, but not that bad ...so, that’s not a surprise for me,” says Roland and when the two women think he’s finished, he raises a little from his chair, just enough to put both hands on top of the table up to his elbows and with his face close to his mother’s he exclaims, “That’s what this is about? Some moralistic shit about how you and Dad had me before getting married?”

Regina and Tink are startled with Roland’s reaction, but neither of them dares to take away their eyes from him.

“No. This isn’t about that,” answers Regina bluntly.

“So?” insists Roland.

Another squeeze from Tink helps Regina continue.

“When ...hmm ...when Daniel and I met you were almost one year old.”

For four or five seconds, that seem terribly long, everything stays still, until Roland breaks the silence with a question.

“Wh-what? What are you saying?” Asks Roland, he swallows as if trying to gather the courage to continue asking something just to confirm what he thinks his mother is implying, or because he recognizes the look of guilt in his mother’s eyes, now filled with tears.

“Are ...are you trying to tell me my dad, Daniel Colter, isn’t my real dad?”

Regina is out of words and the only thing she comes up with is a nod of her head, as tears begin to fall.

Roland’s answer comes before Regina can say a word.

“Shit! You outdid yourself, Mother! From all the universe of things I imagined you’d say to me today, this one didn’t cross my mind. How ...how could you and Dad hide this from me?!”

 _Mother._ The way Roland refers to Regina as _Mother_ , crushes Regina’s heart and doesn’t go unnoticed for Tink. And what hurts the most is that Regina is well aware Roland knows how much bothers her to be named like that. It’s what she calls her heartless mother, and both her sons, at some point, found odd the way Regina addressed her own mother, so distant from the loving _Mommy_ of Roland and Henry’s early years, which later was replaced by a _Mom_.  

“Please, Roland. Listen to your _mom_ ,” intervenes Tink, in an attempt to calm things down, and with special care emphasizing the word _Mom_ because she understands how the word _Mother_ , coming out of Roland’s mouth with the one and only intention to hurt, made Regina feel. However, this doesn’t work the way the blonde thinks, because rather than lightening the mood, it infuriates Roland.

“So, you did know,” states Roland looking at Tink with fire in his eyes. He is, definitely, shocked by the truth his mother just revealed him, but the surprise and disbelief in his face are immediately replaced by anger and indignation when he realizes there are other people that have learned something he should have been the first one to know.

His face is red; his breath, heavy. “Who else knows? Henry?” asks Roland looking first at his mother; then, at his godmother.

Regina and Tink shake their heads at the same time, confirming Roland’s brother isn’t aware of this.

“And, my grandparents? The Colter’s I mean, I’m sure Grandmother Cora knew all the time, that’s why she never loved me and the reason why you don’t get along with her. Aunt Malia? Aunt Mary Margaret? Uncle David?”

Regina and Tink nod their heads in confirmation after each question, and this rages Roland.

“Well, it seems I’m like the cheated husband ...the last one to know that is being fooled all the time ...and, why do you just now decide to tell me the truth after all these years of hiding it? Why do you think it’s such a good idea to tell me the man I grew up with isn’t my real father when you’ve never felt the need to be honest before? What motivation do you have for telling me now that the man I mourned for years from the moment you told me, in this same place, he was declared dead by the doctors at the hospital across this street, isn’t my real father? Why now you have a sudden attack of decency and decide after fucking twenty-six years that’s finally time to tell me a truth you should have told me years ago? Answer me, _Mother_!”

Roland speaks with bitterness and anger. His face is almost unrecognizable because of the expression of outrage he has as he talks. Nonetheless, Regina knew what to expect from a conversation like the one she has just begun to have with her son, and she knows Roland didn’t only inherit the shade of her hair, he’s just like her in so many ways: stubborn, prideful, with a sharp tongue, intelligent, insightful,quick-minded. So, Roland’s words are almost what she had predicted, except for two words, and she snaps.

“ _Real Father_ ? _Real Father!_ Don’t you ever dare to say that again when talking about Daniel! Daniel was your father! Not your biological father, but not less a father for you as he was for Henry. Or, did he ever make you feel different? Would you have suffered less with his death if you had known he wasn’t your biological father when he died? I don’t think so.”

It seems Regina’s words help calm Roland down because even if his expression remains the same as seconds ago, he lowers the tone of his voice.

“You haven’t answered my question, Mother. Why just now?”

“For two reasons, actually. First, it’s that I have delayed this talk for too long and you deserved to know the truth …”

“and, the other reason?” cuts off Roland with eagerness.

“Because your biological father just found out about you and wants to meet you and get to know you. It’s entirely up to you if you want the same thing, though. The truth might be late, Roland, but it’s better now than never.”

“Are you insane? Why do you think I would ever want to meet the motherfucker that knocked you up and left you to deal with the problem on your own? You know I’m not a violent man, mother, but if I ever see that bastard, I swear I’ll beat the shit out of him.”

Both women look at the man in consternation. It’s the way in which Roland talks, the toughness in his words, the language he uses, so disrespectful towards the two women. It’s as if this conversation is bringing out a hidden side of a loving man, but Regina knows it’s not clever to scold her adult son because of a reaction which is clearly out of anger. 

However, even if Roland’s words impact both women, it seems they had expected him to focus his rage towards his mother, and never thought about his reaction towards the man he just found out is his biological father.

Regina sighs, cleans her tears softly with a tissue she already had on the table foreseeing how this was going to develop, and this gives time for Tink to speak.

“Roland, it’s not wise to make any promises without knowing the whole story. As a lawyer, you know every story has two sides, and as a son, you should give your mother the chance to tell hers. You’ll regret later having made a choice without having at hand all the facts. Let your mom explain herself. Maybe you’ll change your mind after learning the complete story,” says Tink slowly and calmly, yet firmly.  

“Go on, Mother.”

“Your father and I met in very… hmm… awkward circumstances in October 1992. I wasn’t in a good place at the time. He was traveling with a bunch of friends, and Storybrooke was the last city before he returned to England and ...hmm...well …hmm …”

Regina’s words get stuck in her mouth. This is the hardest and most embarrassing part of her story, the one that’s most difficult for her to share, and which she feared (still does) her son might criticize and judge harshly. She pauses for some seconds to find some courage in a sip of coffee, now too cold for her taste, but that -anyway- gifts her with the dose of determination she was lacking of.

“...we …” Regina clears her throat and continues “...we spent a whole weekend together. We both were well aware that as soon as the weekend would be over, we would return to our lives, that happened to be miles away from each other, so we decided not to share any contact information, not even our names or …”

Roland doesn’t let Regina finish, he pounces over the table, straight to where his mother is. He raises his voice and it seems the little control had before has vanished and now there’s only rage and even disdain controlling his actions and words.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I can believe _that_? Regina Mills, the one person always in control, excelling in everything she does, the prudent, intelligent, wise woman who doesn’t act out of impulse and on the contrary thinks things through and through, and comes with the right advice on every occasion, living a wild night with no strings attached and being a quick fu...”

Tink hurries to interrupt Roland before he finishes what he was saying. The two words she says, a warning for his godson “Roland, careful ...”

It seems things are getting out of control, and this conversation is nothing like how any of the three expected to be.

However, neither Tink nor Roland can predict Regina’s reaction and are startled by the sudden _bang_ coming from Regina’s hand slapping the table.

“ENOUGH!” she shouts and, even if their table is far from the others, her outburst is sufficiently loud for some customers to turn their heads towards the three of them in surprise and curiosity.

Regina’s face is red with anger; her eyes no longer show any tears and, instead, she has that look Tink and Roland have seen only on very few occasions. Her cold gaze filled with superiority and indignation, makes both of them feel, without a doubt, that if her target had been someone else rather than her own son, they would have been torn into pieces without mercy by the look in her eyes. And, as if it weren’t enough, the vein in Regina’s forehead is completely visible ...and both, Tink and Roland, know far too well what does it mean: disaster.

Tink and Roland haven’t even recovered from the loud _bang_ from just some seconds ago, when they watch Regina point with her index finger to her son, and talk undaunted without even blinking or taking her eyes away from the young man.

“Don’t you ever dare to talk to me like that again, least of all judge me!. Do you think for a minute that you know how my life has been? You might know what I have allowed you to learn, and what you have witnessed, but you don’t know even half of what I went through. I know this is hard, but still you owe me respect. I’ve listened to you call me insane, indecent, dishonest, curse and swear each time you have talked. I have waited patiently for you to change your attitude and language, but I will no longer tolerate your insolence!  I am giving you the chance to get an answer to every single question you ask after I finish, that is if you still want to know the whole story, but I demand respect from you! Speak to me in that way again, and I’ll walk through that door and from your life because it seems you do despise me after all.”

Shit.

“Roland, Regina, please calm down,” says Tink, taking one of Regina’s hands in hers and taking Roland’s in the other. Regina stays still, but Roland, takes away his hand quickly, avoiding the touch of his godmother and showing, with that action, his resentment towards the woman.

Suddenly, Roland stands up and leaves the table living the two woman in complete dismay.

Regina and Tink watch Roland walk towards the door and exit the place; however they can see him through the window walking back and forth as he lights a cigarette, only to witness him putting it out after a few puffs.  

The two women don’t have any time to go through what just happened, because Roland enters the place again, walks towards their table taking long steps, and as soon as he reaches the table sits again in the same chair he left empty minutes ago.

“I’m all ears, Mother” are Roland’s only words, and it appears the quick smoke hasn’t been able to change Roland’s attitude, because there are no apologies for his behavior, the coldness in his words and the intention to hurt his mother continue, and he doesn’t even bother to look at her as he speaks. Definitely, his mother’s son.

Regina stares at her son for some seconds, before continuing with her story.  “I...I know now not giving our names was a stupid thing, one which I’ve regretted each day of my life, but back then it seemed the best way to say goodbye. He went back to England, I went back to my home and when I found out I was pregnant, I ...we tried to find him ...Aunt Tink helped me, we searched for him wherever we could, but it was impossible without a name. It was the early nineties. No computers, no internet, no social media, no cell phones. I ...I had you and we were really happy living in a three bedroom apartment with Aunt Tink and Aunt Malia ...and I met your dad, Daniel, when you were about to turn one. He loved you since the first moment he laid eyes on you. It was love at first sight ...an instant bond. It was as if you had chosen him to be your dad. We got married two years later and Daniel decided to adopt you right away …and he was your father in every way. We wanted to tell you, but never found a proper time …I guess Daniel was afraid you would love him less because of that …or judge me for a poor choice I made that prevented you from knowing your biological father ...anyway, we promised, the year he died, we would tell you the truth before the end of that year.”

Roland listens to his mother with utmost attention not even blinking and only murmurs, “Dad died in August.”

Although his words were meant only for himself,  Roland’s remark doesn’t go unnoticed to Regina, and she adds, “Yes, Daniel died in August and I was left with a tremendous burden, one too heavy for me to bear alone. It ...it was too much ...I couldn’t deal at once with the loss of a husband and with the truth I was keeping from you. I grieved Daniel for years, got over depression and anxiety, and once I felt like myself again I decided it was time to address the issue I had still pending … I ...I  understand this is something shocking and I’m sorry for not having the courage to tell you this before. Daniel might not be here, but believe me, Roland, he never felt any different towards you because you two weren’t blood-related. You were his son, he gave you his unconditional love, his time, his advice each time you needed it, he was there for you every day of your life until he died …and you know it. So never again I want to hear you say Daniel wasn’t your real dad.”

It seems Regina’s outburst, followed by her confession, cleared the air because after she finishes talking there’s silence, and the only sounds that can be perceived are the breathing and sighs of the three persons in that table. No one dares to talk or look at the other one. It seems neither of them wants to make a false move because they continue deeply absorbed in their own thoughts maybe waiting for any of the other two to be the first to talk or to figure out what to say next.

Regina plays with her fingers as she did before, and keeps staring at her own hands; Tink seems to be watching the people walking outside the place and sometimes even following someone with her eyes, until her sight allowed to; and, Roland has both hands grabbing his head and his gaze towards the table.

Roland breaks the inertia, surprising the two women when he lifts his head and mutters “I ...I can’t believe this is happening to me. This is a nightmare.” The hurt in his words and the resentment towards his mother, obvious by the way he avoids Regina’s gaze in purpose.

Tink takes Roland’s hands in hers in a brave attempt to support her godson, considering Roland rejected that same gesture some minutes ago. Yet, this time Roland not only accepts the sign of affection but also smiles sweetly to the woman in front of him, who takes advantage of the moment of quietness to speak.

“Roland, I guess you just got a second chance. Your father, the man that found out about you, is a decent man. He would have been by your side and your mom’s if he had known about you. Circumstances beyond his control didn’t let him be with you, and he is willing to be in your life in whatever capacity you allow him to. I know it’s difficult and shocking but think this through. Don’t give any answer yet. It’s not time to begin pointing fingers looking for someone to blame, it’s time to think what are you going to do with this second chance.”

Roland looks at Tink, avoiding for a second or third time his mother’s gaze, and talks addressing to the blonde, “I ...I’m so confused ...I ...I don’t know what I’ll do next or what I really want from this ...I have mixed feelings ...and ...and  so many questions ...” His voice has broken more than once, and he has made several pauses in between words, making evident how difficult it is for him to process the information.

Regina has listened to her son talk and has witnessed the struggle he’s had to gather his ideas, and for a man as eloquent and well-spoken as he is, it means this news has affected him deeply. Her heart and instinct tell her to go and hug her son because he is about to crumble, but her brain instructs her to be careful and give the young man some time and space to adjust to this new reality, and this space implies also restraining of getting too close to him.

Or is it the fear to be rejected what prevents her from following what her heart tells her to do?

Anyway, she decides to give her son the support he needs with words ...and the truth, so she adds sweetly, long gone the harshness, anger and indignation of the words she spoke minutes ago  “I’m here to answer all of your questions, Roland.”

It’s the first time Roland looks at his mother after he returned from the little _break_ he took outside this place. The rage in his eyes from earlier has been replaced by hurt and pain.

“Do I know him?” he asks.

“Yes and no,” answers Regina and at Roland’s expression of confusion she explains, “You have seen him, but you don’t _know_ him.”

“His name, Mother,” insists Roland.

“Robin ...Robin Locksley”

“Shit! The man that came with that stupid excuse to return your stuff …I could tell he had another interest ...of course, he had. I thought it had been because of you, but … Did he know then that I was ...his  ..his son?”

Regina ignores Roland’s exclamation, this time that _shit_ isn’t targeted to her, so she’ll just pretend she doesn’t notice it and even when she did, she’ll give her son some indulgence considering what he is going through.

“He didn’t know then. He had just found out I was the woman he ...hmm ...was with twenty-seven years ago, and that’s why he came by ...but he found out about you that same day while he waited for me in the study,” explains Regina.

“That’s why he left in the way he did …and why you were off after that …” says Roland as if trying to put all the pieces of a very complicated puzzle together and finally have a glimpse of the whole picture. His expression changes suddenly to one of complete concentration showing something isn’t right and doesn’t fit.  

“A doctor. He said he was your doctor. Why were you visiting a doctor? The truth, please.”

Regina gulps, she looks at her empty cup of coffee and wishes it would still be full of the hot, strong beverage, but it isn’t. She doesn’t want to interrupt the pace the conversation by ordering another cup of coffee, so she just has to settle with the little comfort the memory of its smell and taste provides her.

“He ...he is a psychiatrist,” Regina answers.

“Why did you need to see a shrink?”

“I ...I had some anxiety above the level I could handle by myself. I don’t know if you’re aware, but it’s not the first time I have sought for help; however, it has been a long while since a doctor different than Dr. Hopper treated me.”

“Are you okay? Did this man help you?” asks Roland without being able to mask his concern towards his mother.

“He did help me, Roland, but answering with the truth, I’m not okay. This truth I kept from you has been a burden too exhausting to carry, and I thought I would feel better after telling you the truth ...don’t ...don’t get me wrong, my motivation for telling you the truth wasn’t to feel better …I just thought a consequence would be, finally, having some peace, but it hasn’t worked that way. So, no. I’m not okay.”

“That makes two of us. I ...I have a lot of questions, but I don’t want any answers for now. I guess I know enough ...and I need to think ...and clear my head...and talk to someone… I’m in shock and I ...I won’t say anything right now, it wouldn’t be wise to do so. So, if there's nothing else you need to tell me I guess I’m done here.”

Roland’s words are cold again, the care and concern for his mother no longer there, and this rips Regina’s soul and heart as a knife, but still, she finds the courage to add something she has waited more than two decades to say to her son.  

“There’s something else. I’m so sorry, Roland. Daniel and I were just two human beings trying to do our best. It seems we fucked this up really bad. I’m sorry. Our intentions were because of love and never because we wanted to hurt you.”

“Well, you did hurt me. Both of you did.”  

With those words, Roland stands up and with a nod of his head as the only sign of goodbye, he turns around and leaves the place walking steadily towards the exit.

As Regina watches her son walk away, with her heart shattered into pieces, she can’t stop thinking how wrong she’d been. She thought she’d break the heart of her son, and that she did, but it happens that while doing it, she broke hers as well. The relief she thought she would feel isn’t there, and, on the contrary, the burden she’s carried over more than two decades, is still weighing over her shoulders and feels heavier than ever.  The spark of hope she felt earlier upon the illusion of having Robin as part of her life, extinguished the minute she heard her son talk about him, and she curses herself for having sheltered those ideas even if it was for a brief time.

Regina waits for her son to exit the place without taking her eyes away from him until she loses sight of him among the crowd.  She prays to a God long forgotten that her son doesn’t exit her life as well, bursting into tears in the most bitter and heartbreaking cry she’s had in years.

* * *

**_To be continued ..._**  


 


	8. Monday - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since the last update, but I hope this chapter is worth the wait.  
> As always, a big thanks to amazing BabyLawyerOQ for beta reading this story.  
> Posted for InspiredByOQ week. Inspired by the amazing carbon drawing by @SaraDallArgine and a picture of Sean on sean-maguire.net website. Both, have the exact expression Robin might have had while thinking about everything that has happened in his life lately.
> 
> TW: Discussion of the process of acceptance in late discovery adoptees.

Mondays. 

The longest and most tedious day of the week. Yet, this time is different.  

On this occasion, Robin isn’t sure if on this particular Monday the feeling that time elapses slowly (excruciatingly slow ...slower than ever) is because it’s that day of the week or because he hasn’t heard a word from her all day ...and by 7:30 pm he’s already desperate.

He has tried calling and texting her all day long but has had no luck. She hasn’t answered any of his calls, not even has bothered sending him a text ...a short one would have sufficed, and even an emoji would have worked to make him know she’s okay. But no, it hasn’t been that way, and he has learned to be patient, suppress his anxiety, and put his best efforts to continue with his Monday routine as if nothing had happened.

As far as he knows, she was supposed to have a busy morning at work and, afterward, she would meet a client for lunch. That much, she told him herself. Nonetheless, he still doesn’t know her arrangements for the afternoon. He thought she’d be at her office or maybe even working from home, but he couldn’t have been more wrong because he has called her everywhere in his desperate attempts to talk to her, and has gotten only Regina’s secretary polite ‘ _She won’t be coming back to the office. Sorry, Mr. Locksley’_ or her sober automatic reply of ‘ _Hello, you’ve reached Regina Mills ...’,_ rather than something that could have helped him find some peace and avoid the increasing anxiety at the lack of any explanation to her apparent disinterest.

Robin knows she was about to talk to Roland anytime, and that’s exactly what worries him the most. Not only because of Regina and how she might feel after that talk, but also because of Roland. 

Regina never confirmed when she would talk to Roland, and they avoided that topic on their last conversation the night before. Actually, he was the one who avoided that particular topic on purpose, he didn’t want her to feel guiltier than how she already felt, nor to add any additional stress, least of all to burden her with something that would happen regardless of how she would choose to break the news to her …to _their_ son. 

He is well aware there’s nothing Regina can do to prevent Roland’s suffering, he isn’t a psychiatrist for no reason. And, it doesn’t even matter that during his years of practice he has never treated a patient with issues arising from a discovery like the one Roland is about to find out (or already did) at this late stage of his life. So, he did his homework all Sunday afternoon, has researched this topic, has examined several case studies, and the outlook is worse than what he imagined. Well, actually, it might not be that bad, if he only knew if Roland is an emotionally stable and mentally healthy adult that has already developed the tools and mechanisms he will need to deal with this truth. If that’s the case, the odds of recovery are more promising; otherwise, it would be devastating for Roland, and he will be doomed to journey through anger, discontent, frustration, depression ...or, even, something worse. 

This thought makes Robin face again the fact (because it’s not the first time he thinks about it) that he knows nothing about Roland. Has he dealt with depression at some point in his life? Is he a communicative person? Is he someone easy to open up? Has he had low self-esteem issues somewhere in the past? How does he see himself? Man, he knows jack shit about Roland! So, he better be prepared, just in case, for the worst scenario.

Hence, last night, he decided it wouldn’t make any difference to share with her what he already knew, at least before he confirmed some information and had some alternatives to offer, which it happens he has now and would like to discuss with Regina. Not in vain he spent half of his Monday morning talking over the phone with some colleagues, and even got in touch with a support group that he thinks might be helpful for Roland.

Now that it seems Regina already talked to Roland, it’s time to share with her his concern and let her know, that this time, she is not on her own. This time she and Roland have his unconditional support. He is Roland’s father, and it doesn’t matter if he arrived late to the party nor that Roland is an adult, a father is always a father. 

He will take advantage of this second chance life has somehow decided to gift him with.

And, at that thought, Robin can’t help smile sadly at the realization of the irony behind all this. Not one of his patients would guess the man supposed to lead and support them so that they can make better choices in their lives, is enduring, maybe, the hardest test life can put him through, inflicted, precisely, by bad choices. Maybe he’s not that good at his job!

........

Time passes by so slowly. It seems it has been hours since the last time he checked his watch and phone, when it only has been five minutes ago ...and, still, there is no news about her.

Robin is convinced her unresponsiveness can only mean she did have that conversation with her son… _their son_  (shit! he needs to begin calling things as they are), and that it didn’t end well. Otherwise, she would have called him back ...Wouldn’t she? Yes. She would, and the best proof that this alleged indifference has nothing to do with him is their last conversation just the night before. 

And, although, he has in his mind the constant concern for Roland’s well-being -because, c’mon! a revelation like that in adultness will bring a lot of issues which Roland will need to work on- for some minutes he gets lost in the memories of his last conversation with Regina.

He called her with the excuse to give her Tuck contact information, so that she could continue her treatment and, at some point, he forgot the big issues they both have over their shoulders: Roland’s happiness, and the fucked up situation he ... _they_ ...are enduring.

It was nice to just talk to her as they did on Saturday night after they finished discussing their lack of common sense 27 years ago. And, oh man! what wouldn’t he give to be over this and that they could sort out this situation, so that he could move forward with her. He would die to have the chance to, officially, date her. 

At the only thought of dating her, he realizes how messed up everything is between the two of them because it happens he just did everything backwards: first, he had sex with her; then, he got her pregnant with his son (a son he didn’t even know existed until three days ago); later, he crossed paths with her again and fell for her not knowing she was the woman that had plagued his dreams for the last two decades ...his _Queen_ ; and, now, he needs to build a relationship with _his_ adult son, try to be in his life, and make Roland part of his and Raven’s lives, as well ...shit ...this news will feel like a bucket of cold water to his teen daughter ...and when all of that happens ... _if_ it happens, just then, he can think about something else with Regina. 

It seems today’s wait for a reply from her is nothing compared to what he needs to endure before he can have her in his life ...not as his patient, not as the mother of his son, neither as the memory of the woman who stole his heart 27 years ago. No. He wants her as Regina Mills ...just Regina Mills ...that happens to be all of the above, as well.

Yes. Everything is upside down in his life, and it seems he’ll have to wait until everything is cleared up, even when in the inside he’s desperate. He understands this situation is far from ideal, and he doesn’t know for sure if it will be solved in a positive way, or, at least, in a way in which he gets to have both, his son and the woman of his dreams, in his life.

He knows too that, meanwhile, the only way to bear this situation is seeking for little moments that can trick him into believing he’s just a man wooing a woman. He wants to believe that there’s no past story between them, a story revealed in a twenty-six-year-old man that happens to be their son and who will soon begin a tough journey. It doesn’t matter if those moments last seconds, minutes or hours, he’s determined to savor every bit of them and hold on to them for the days that follow. That’s the only way he has found to keep going since he found out about Roland just three days ago.

And, it happens that last night’s call had been precisely one of those special moments that gave him a break from the constant feeling of being stuck with Regina. Pretending they were just two ordinary people getting to know each other and trying to build something through small talk, flirtation and laughter, had felt amazing.

He hung the phone that Sunday night with a big smile on his face and a huge _problem_ inside his pants which needed his immediate attention. And, as he took matters into his own hands, he couldn’t stop thinking about how would it be making love to her after all those years, since only listening to her voice had been enough to turn him on that much. Those thoughts (and desires) hadn’t left him and, on the contrary, refused to abandon his head and had kept him company during the sleepless night that followed. Images of her kept appearing in his mind: a mix of a naked, sexy and passionate younger Regina in that memorable weekend 27 years ago, with a more experienced, interesting, sophisticated, sensual older Regina. Those images had been so vivid and suggestive that he had to deal with that same _problem_ more than once during the night ...and the morning after, in what, maybe, was the first time since his teens or young adult years that he lost himself in self-gratification with such intensity and devotion.

Shit ...this can’t be good! He has always been a man in control of his emotions and desires, even when he was younger and hot-headed. So, it’s alarming, to say the least, that now in his mid-fifties when he has a complicated situation that should take all his energy, concentration, and best judgment, he begins behaving like a teenager in the stage of self-discovery and self-satisfaction, a part of his life he left behind eons ago. Moreover, when this situation involves his son, a son who has been oblivious to the fact his life was not what it seemed, and that might have already discovered it.

But, he can’t help it ...he truly can’t control this insane attraction he began to feel some weeks ago, and the confirmation that Regina is the woman he dreamt of for years, has increased his desire for her. The fucked-up scenario he has in front of him makes no difference.

He‘d better stop thinking about Regina, at least in the same way he did last night and early morning because he’s beginning to feel that well-known tickling and mischievous pressure under his pants, and he’s well aware of the situation this will lead if he doesn’t change his line of thinking. Furthermore, he’s at his office (and not in the privacy of his bedroom), has already finished with his last patient of the day, and Mulan might step in anytime without even knocking at the door in the rush to hand him the list of appointments for the next day and, finally, put an end to her working day (it’s a Monday for her, as well!). So, it’d be wiser if he begins thinking about something else right away ...and he has a lot to think about!

Robin grabs his head with both hands and buries it between them as if he were trying to seek shelter in the little space his arms provide him. He sighs deeply trying to gather the courage for what’s coming next, and lifting his head checks his watch for the umpteenth time that day. 7:40pm ...Shit, time does pass slowly this Monday!

He switches his gaze to his cell phone, grabs it and goes directly to the missing calls, and besides one from her patient Zelena Greene, no one has called him or left any message. He’ll listen later to the voice message Zelena has left there, he’s sure it’s nothing urgent and that it would be like the other messages Zelena has left the days before: a change on the day of her appointments, something he told her already she should handle with his secretary. He knows Mulan isn’t the portrait of competence, commitment and tact, that he is well aware, but a change of appointment, he’s sure Mulan can deal with properly. Anyway, it’s nothing to be concerned right now, so he’d better continue checking his texts and find out whether Regina has replied him in any way to let him know she’s okay or not.

He finds his answer in less time than what thinking in Zelena’s message took him. He stands up, grabs his coat and exits his office. He doesn’t even bother to close the door after he exits,  ignores Mulan’s attempts to hand him the schedule for the next day and doesn’t hear her inappropriate exclamation of _‘Shit, Robin, if Regina Mills weren’t your patient, I’d be thinking something happened between the two of you when you went to her place on Friday night with the shitty excuse to deliver her stuff. You’ve been off all day!’_

If Robin had heard Mulan’s words, he would have thought she’s not that incompetent at all and is damn right! … something happened between the Thief and the Queen!

* * *

  ** _TO BE CONTINUED ..._**

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Monday-Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry finds out something's wrong with his mom. Robin gets to talk to Regina about everything that happened with Roland earlier, and they both reveal, in their own way, more than what both of them originally planned.
> 
> Don't miss the TW!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to @BabyLawyerOQ for the beta!
> 
> Posted for @InspiredByOQ 2019. Inspired by a manip by @willow1411!
> 
> TW: Discussion of the process of acceptance in late discovery adoptees.

 

* * *

 

“Mom? Is it you? ...Mom?” asks Henry, entering the living room only to find it empty, just as he found the kitchen and the dining room.

He can swear he heard the door of the garage opening and, some seconds later, closing, followed by the unmistakable sound of his mother’s keys bumping into one another, but she’s nowhere to be found in the house ...at least where he’s searched so far.

Henry decides to head to the garage and check if his mother’s car is there, crossing his fingers and praying he’d find it parked in the same spot as always the minute he opens the door. 

He’s beginning to freak out and regrets having spent his precious time alone at home watching a low budget horror movie, instead of finishing his homework. He shouldn’t have listened to Neal when he said how lucky Henry was for not having Roland living with him and sticking his nose in everything he did; just as Neal’s older sister, Emma, did all the time. Neal complained about Emma being such a shitty sister and how she always was telling his parents whenever he did something wrong (or failed to do something he should have). Henry remembers having thought then, that Roland wouldn’t be like that, because he’s a cool brother, an accomplice, a guide, a friend, rather than a snitch. Roland would never turn him in to his mother.

Neal’s words have been responsible for Henry’s enthusiasm in taking advantage of some time alone …it seems not all people are that lucky after all. However, Henry won’t blame Neal entirely. He recognizes the decision to watch that horror movie (yeah, the one Neal hasn’t stopped talking about), had been entirely on him ...on his eagerness after realizing he had the house all to himself for several hours. According to Neal, that movie was cool, not only because it would scare the shit out of him, but also because of the hot girls that were in it and a particular scene that left nothing to the imagination. And it appears the stars just aligned because as soon as he finished texting Neal, his mother called to let him know she had a last minute meeting and would be arriving late in the afternoon, and not after lunch as she told him. So, why not? That horror movie seemed a good idea to kill some time on his own. 

Watching those braless girls wearing completely see-through wet-shirts, and then without nothing at all, had been worth the almost two hours he spent trying to stream the shitty movie from a hidden corner of cyberspace and the insane amount of inappropriate content that kept popping out of his screen and that he had to keep closing to, finally, be able to watch that movie. His mother would kill him if she ever finds out how and from where he streamed that movie. His only hope that his mother won’t find out about this, is that her knowledge about technology is limited to the software she uses for her work, and some apps she has on her phone, which Henry downloaded for her. So, anything besides that is unknown territory for her, and almost any explanation would suffice. 

Henry enters the garage quietly, almost tiptoeing, with a baseball bat in one of his hands, he must have grabbed somewhere in between the kitchen and the garage. He thinks that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to watch a horror movie when he was home alone, and that, definitely, that shitty movie might have triggered his imagination and he’s now hearing noises when there are none. 

He sighs relieved when he sees her mother’s Mercedes in the garage. However, it isn’t parked in the same place as usual. It is in a careless position, occupying part of her place, part of the one assigned for Roland’s car, whenever he comes by, and invading what used to be his father’s spot. This is so unlike his mother. So, it was her, but where is she? asks Henry to himself as he thinks what should have happened for his mother to park her car the way she had. He remembers, then, she told him, just some days ago, she had a stomach bug and wasn’t feeling well. Maybe, she entered the house in a rush?

He goes directly to the study, the only room of the first floor he hasn’t checked yet, and there’s when he hears the soft cries. Yes, he can hear her mother weeping, can listen to the way she inhales, erratically, and to each suffocated howl after she exhales; yet, he can’t see a thing because the lights are off. He spots her silhouette, though, and what draws his attention is that rather than the upright posture she always has, she’s laying down on the couch in fetal position, as if she were protecting or hiding from something or someone.

Watching his mother like that scares Henry more than whatever effect that horror movie had on him.

He had witnessed her mother crumble once. It happened when his father died. He watched her cry when she told him the atrocious news about his father’s death, and even if during the viewing and funeral she had tried to give the impression she was composed, the days and weeks that followed he could hear her sobbing in her bedroom during the night, when she thought no one would notice ...and it broke Henry’s heart. Sometimes, he asked if he could sleep with her, pretending he was the one seeking for comfort, and maybe he was, as well.

This time is different, though. Henry isn’t certain what would it take for making her mother cry in the way she is.  He knows it has nothing to do with his Grandmother Cora. He doesn’t think his mother would shed a tear for that woman, and since the worst people are hard to kill (it seems death claims the good ones first), he is sure his Grandmother is safe and sound in her house miles away from them ... thank God!.

While he approaches to where his mother is, he tries to turn on the lights but hears a ‘ _Please, no_ ’ coming from his mother. It’s almost a beg, so low that at one point Henry thinks he imagined hearing it.

“Mom, are you okay? What happened?” asks Henry once he reaches the couch and takes a seat next to his mother in the little space of the coach left. 

Regina makes an effort and stands up, sitting properly on the couch to answer, “Oh ...I ...I just argued with Roland, and ...it didn’t end well. I make him sad and that makes me feel terrible ...and wishing your Dad would be here ...made me emotional,” answers Regina trying to understate the recent events. 

Regina hasn’t lied to Henry. She promised herself there wouldn’t be any lies further on. However, she hasn’t told him the whole truth, either ...it’s just a half-truth, but not a lie.

For someone who doesn’t know the type of talk Roland and Regina had earlier, her crying and sadness might seem exaggerated, and it seems Henry takes the information exactly that way because of the tone of his answer and his words, “I’m sure whatever it is, it’s nothing, Mom. You know how Roland is …he’s got your temper and not Dad’s.”

Henry’s remark makes Regina smile, and it seems even in the darkness of the room, Henry perceives his mother’s gesture, so he gets closer to her, hugging and whispering “Mom, whatever argument you had with Roland will be just a misunderstanding ...you’ll see ...everything will be fine. I love you, Mom ...and Roland loves you too.”

“Oh, Henry, you can’t imagine how much I needed to hear those words,” she answers.

And as mother and son melt for some seconds in a warm and tender embrace, their minds and thoughts wander through different territories. Henry tries to figure out what might have happened between his mother and older brother to affect his mother that much ...he’ll talk to Roland later, he thinks and will find out the answer. Regina tries not to think about anything and just enjoy the comfort Henry’s arms bring her; however, the fear that she’ll disappoint Henry at some point, takes control over her and she lets herself cry in the arms of her son for the first time in her life.

* * *

There are no lights on. Everything is dark. It seems no one’s inside, but, anyway, he’s there, so he better get with it, ring the damn bell, and find, finally, some answers.

He checks his watch once again. It’s 8:10 pm, not that late. He takes a last look at his phone, maybe Regina left a message or called while he was driving to her place, and better to have a confirmation of her whereabouts this Monday, now than later.

But, no she hasn’t reached him. So, he rings the bell and waits. 

Nothing. He hesitates, waits a couple of minutes, and rings a second time. He’s about to get into his car and call her from there when he hears a voice through the intercom.

“Yes?”

It’s a male voice. 

“Hello, I’m Robin ...Robin Locksley. I need to have a word with Regina. It’s urgent.” As soon as he finishes talking, he feels like shit lying about the urgency of his visit, but he came unannounced and ...well, technically, it’s an urgent matter ...for him, at least.

“Wait a minute, please. Let me check. My mom wasn’t feeling well.”

 _This must be Henry,_  Robin thinks. Regina’s younger son. If it’d have been Roland there would have been two possible scenarios: Roland would have greeted him (he already knows him) or, would have reacted in some way if Regina did tell him the truth about his father. So, Henry, it is.

“Thanks, Henry. I’ll wait here.”

It seems the boy didn’t hear Robin’s answer (or so he hopes) because of the absolute silence he gets as reply, and Robin has no other choice but to stay waiting by the porch not knowing if someone will let him in or if he’ll have to go back with the same doubts and unanswered questions that have been bugging him all day long, and, furthermore, concerned about Regina’s apparent sickness.

He doesn’t know for sure if he waited five minutes or a complete hour. This particular Monday five minutes or an hour feels the same to him, and, believe it or not, he didn’t check his watch or phone ...not once ...to find out how much time he waited.

At some point, the door opens and a boy, maybe Raven’s age, greets him properly, this time, shaking hands with him and introducing himself as Henry before leading him to a room in Regina’s house that he already knows ...the study.

Henry makes a signal with one of his hands, showing Robin the room and waiting for him to step in first, like the polite young man he is.

The room is dimly lighted with a single table lamp as the only source of light. However, the poor illumination doesn’t prevent Robin from spotting Regina sitting on the couch, and the instant he looks at her, he knows something is terribly wrong.

First, is that she’s wearing a robe, a short one, definitely one destined to wear in the privacy of her own home and by any means suitable for receiving any guests, it doesn’t matter if they’re unannounced and arrived by surprise. It even seems she has nothing on under the robe and that he just caught her changing clothes and, in a rush, she had to put on the first thing she had at hand. She has no shoes, either, she’s barefoot, something odd when it comes to Regina who’s always properly dressed. 

Then, it’s the way she looks, her eyes and nose are red and puffy, obviously from crying, and she has no makeup on.

The three people in the room gaze at each other. It’s an awkward situation for all of them and they realize everything is off: an uninvited guest; an untimely visit; a surprised teenager that doesn’t fully understand who’s the man that just entered his house just to catch his mother almost in her underwear; a woman who obviously wasn’t waiting for any guests, and the proof of that is her inappropriate choice of clothing. It’s surreal and bizarre, to say the least. It’s like if the three of them were characters taken from scenes of different movies, that have been placed together and reunited in the same room by the will and whims of other people and not by their own.

Regina talks first, with determination, pretending she has the situation under control, “Henry, I guess you already met Robin Locksley. He’s a friend of mine. We need some time to discuss a delicate matter. So, please, I don’t want to be disturbed …I don’t want to be interrupted. It doesn’t matter who calls, or comes ....well, only if it’s Roland, let me know.”

The apparent resolution in her voice fools no one. Robin knows her darkest secrets, and her son has witnessed her in tears just minutes ago. So, both men know this is just a facade, a mask because they both can sense the turmoil of emotions she has inside her.

The boy looks at his mother, shifting his gaze and lifting his eyebrows towards the direction of her robe, with the clear intention of making her realize the inadequate _outfit_ she’s wearing, but if Regina notices it, she doesn’t mind. So, Henry just answers “Okay, Mom ...by the way Aunt Tink called ...er ...to the phone ...the one at the kitchen ….no one uses that number. She said she was trying to reach you at your cell phone, but you never answered and that she’s worried about the conversation you had earlier with Roland. What’s going on, Mom?”

Regina shakes her head as if she can’t believe Tink had the poor tact to leave that message, even more so that she left it with Henry, rolling her eyes before replying, “I promise, Henry,  I’ll tell you everything, but now I need some time.” 

Henry doesn’t miss the soft and tender smile her mother shows Robin upon mentioning his name, and when he turns to look at the man, after having realized his mother’s grin is aimed to him, a complete stranger, he locks gazes with Robin, but before he can react in any way he hears Robin speak.

“Indeed, Henry, as your mother says I’m a friend and I’m here to help. I promise that I’ll take care of your Mom. If we need anything I, myself, will be calling you, but you don’t have to worry. She’ll be fine.”

 _‘Fuck! Message received’_ , thinks Henry as he quickly turns his thoughts into a more polite reply, “Oh …er ...o ...okaaay ...I’ll grab a sandwich and a soda and will be eating in my bedroom. Just knock the door if you need something, Robin. Second floor, third door to the right.”

And, as Henry walks towards the door to exit the room, he turns to look at her mother and the man who just introduced himself as Robin Locksley, smirking in such a way to both of them that he makes clear he doesn’t buy this man is only a friend, just in case the emphasis he put on the word ‘ _okay’_ failed to do the job. Moreover, when he confirmed his suspicions that everything is wrong and that her mother is keeping something from him. There’s no way under normal circumstances that his mother, Regina Mills, wouldn’t make a fuss about him eating in his bedroom. 

Something’s off and his mother is definitely hiding it from him ...and it seems it’s something big!

* * *

“Regina! Shit! I have been calling you all day! I was worried sick something happened to you or Roland ...or both! Are you okay?”

“No. I ...I’m not ...wait a minute,” answers Regina looking at the door and realizing Henry failed to close it ...it seems on purpose ...smart boy! But she can’t risk Henry overhearing her conversation with Robin. So, she stands up quickly from the couch, heads to the door and when she’s there, pokes her head out, turning it to one side and, then, to the other, checking if by any chance Henry’s still around …snooping.  She knows too well that smug smile Henry had when he left the room, and she won’t ...she _can’t_ take any chances.

Meanwhile, Robin is static, standing by the couch, fascinated with the view he has in front of him: Regina already by the door, with her back facing him, standing on her toes and extending her torso through the door frame so that she can peek out to have a better view of the hallway, and, in such action, moving slightly her hips backwards. It seems she’s thoroughly observing her surroundings because she takes her time, turns her head to the right, then to the left, just to do it all over again. He doesn’t complain, doesn’t even dare to breathe, realizing this little extra time allows him to study every part of her from where he’s standing without her noticing it, and even the poor light isn’t a problem at all. 

 _It’s odd,_  he thinks, the feeling that everything with Regina is new and different that it seems like it’s the very first time he gets to check her anatomy with such detail, when the truth is that what increases the curiosity of finally revealing what lies under her clothes is precisely the fact that he has already traveled all of her with his eyes, hands, and mouth.

He notes how well taken care of her feet are, with perfectly painted nails in a crimson tone which reminds him of that crimson briefcase she didn’t fail to bring with her to every session. They are delicate and seem to be so smooth. Her calves are toned and slightly rounded, and looking at them he remembers the softness of her skin. The little her robe allows him to see of the back of her thighs leaves him craving for more, and when his sight reaches her ass, he stops there to feast on the masterpiece he has in front of him. Fuck! He shouldn’t be doing this. He has other things in his head, complicated stuff, but some seconds of lust won’t hurt anyone ...he thinks that still after this visual tour through her backside, he will be able to focus on what comes next.

Regina turns her head after closing the door with a loud _bang_ (just in case Henry didn’t get the message that his mother doesn’t want to be interrupted by anyone ...which includes him), only to find Robin staring at her. She finds something different in the way he looks at her, but moreover in the fact that he’s speechless and only manages to take his eyes away from her the minute she locks eyes with him as if she just caught him red-handed. 

“Wh-what?” she asks, tilting her head to one side to emphasize the question.

“Come here!” he says, struggling to recompose himself, and at the lack of a better answer. But the strangest thing happens next; he doesn’t know from where he has the impulse to open his arms in an unmistakable invitation for an embrace. He doesn’t even have time to think if she would reject his gesture or accept it. It’s the first time since he met her, in which he deliberately seeks something that couldn’t be mistaken by an accidental touch or a signal of reassurance and support. This time, his invitation means so much more.

He is even more surprised when he feels her arms surrounding him, and doesn’t lose time responding to the hug.

Shit! This was a bad idea. He feels her breasts pressed against his chest, smells her perfume and goes, instinctively, for something more tactile, touching her hair and caressing it tenderly. God! He has been waiting to do this since she stepped into his office for the first time six weeks ago. He’s beginning to feel that same tickling under his pants, just as he did at his office not so long ago, and is well aware it will turn into something more evident in no time, and when it happens (because it will happen), she might feel it too. Shit, he’ll die of mortification.

Regina doesn’t understand yet how she ended wrapped in his arms, but the sensation of safety and comfort his embrace provides her is nothing like how she remembered being in his arms would feel. She’s barefoot, and the top of her head rests on the upper part of his chest and neck, below his chin ...and Oh, God! she’s enjoying far too much his closeness. She can smell his aroma ...woodsy, masculine, fresh ...and familiar. She doesn’t want to break this moment, and with it the peace she feels maybe for the first time in weeks since all her demons unleashed as a reminder of her poor choices.

It seems he has more willpower than her because, at least, he gets to say something, “Regina, I’m so sorry I came without previous notice, but I needed to know about you. I ...I guess you talked to Roland. Please, tell me, what happened?” 

Her answer is almost a whisper, maybe because it’s a difficult topic; perhaps because she has her head buried in his chest. Who knows? But whichever it is, it doesn’t prevent him from hearing her reply.

“It went terrible Robin. I don’t know how I expected something different? I’m such an idiot! He walked away, he told me terrible things ...It was as if he were another person and not my son. I ...I had never seen that cold, loveless gaze in his eyes, the anger in his face and in the words he spoke ...it ...it seemed as if he hated me.”

Dang! Why did he have to break such a moment with a question that stupid? It was obvious she talked with Roland. There was no urgent reason for him to mention that to her. Why on earth couldn’t he indulge himself for a little more time in a moment like the one he just had and for which he waited almost three decades? What difference would have made to just stay holding her for a little longer, enjoying her warmth, her scent, her closeness …? 

But the spell is over. He just threw into the trash an opportunity which isn’t likely going to happen again. Moreover, after he subjects Regina to an interrogatory hoping that, luckily, he can avoid telling her the worst scenario Roland might face if he doesn’t have the tools to deal with this shit. So, no, he won’t get another chance like the one he just wasted ...and he curses himself because of his poor timing. 

“Regina, we need to talk,” he says softly, taking her hand and leading her to the couch, and as soon as both are seated, he continues, rushing to talk so that he doesn’t have any time to change his mind.

“Look, Regina, this is important. First, I need you to tell me exactly how did the talk with Roland go, it doesn’t matter if it hurts me or if Roland bad-mouthed me. I need to know it all. Then, I want to ask you some questions regarding Roland’s first and teen years, and then we both will discuss the best way to help him. I have some options, but I need to hear what happened. I want to know his reaction and yours ...everything.”

Regina nods her head, puts her arms across her chest as if realizing for the first time she’s wearing a robe with only her underwear beneath, but as soon as she realizes her lack of modesty should be the least of her concerns, she begins telling him everything that happened that afternoon.

She goes through the conversation she and Roland had, trying to replicate the events as truthfully as her memory allows her. She tells him how, first, Roland was worried there was something wrong with Henry or her as soon as he realized Tink was there; how she approached the topic; the way in which Roland reacted; the language he used; how he rejected Tink’s touch and because of that she decided to give him some physical space; how she responded when she felt disrespected by her son; the way in which he left the place, but returned to listen to what she had to say; and how their meeting ended with Roland leaving the place resented and hurt.

Robin listened without blinking, waiting patiently and trying not to show any emotion that could give away which side he’s choosing (if he’s choosing one, anyway) or towards whom he’s being more sympathetic. This is something he puts in practice every day several times, with his patients, in which he needs to be neutral, never judge or criticize, and, by no means, show any bias. However, he needs to use all his experience and years of practice to accomplish that because, this time, it’s very hard not to relate to the parts involved in this situation when it happens he is in the middle of it and will be affected by how this unravels, which makes him wish with all his heart that this mess resolves in certain way. 

He waits for her to recompose after she finishes, holding one of her hands tightly, while, he observes how Regina dries some tears that have fallen down her cheek, with her free hand.

“Well, it seems our son got both our tempers!” exclaims Robin, trying to change the mood, and soon realizes what he said, _our_ ... _our son._  It’s the first time he refers to Roland as his and Regina’s son. He has been struggling the days before, even some hours ago, to call Roland _his_ son, and now, all of a sudden, intuitively and naturally, he calls him like that! And, this makes him smile, realizing how everything seems to be fitting little by little.

“It sounds weird hearing you calling Roland _our_ son, you know? I guess it’s better to begin getting used to that idea, just ...please, just be careful when Henry’s around until I can talk to him. I can’t handle any other drama right now,” says Regina for whom Robin’s expression didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Duly noted,” answers Robin, as he makes a mental note to be super careful with what he says and in front of whom. It won’t be because of him if Henry finds out, but he remembers someone who might not be so cautious, so he has the need to add, “Just remind your friend the same thing ...you know, the one who called earlier, and left a message, precisely to Henry. I don’t know her well, but I guess she can sometimes be ...er ...impulsive and unthoughtful.”

“You have no idea. I’ll call her back later ...to warn her ...and threaten her so that she thinks twice before slipping this to Henry or someone else,” replies Regina.

Robin takes advantage of the fact that somehow Regina’s mood has changed slightly, and decides it’s now or never.

“Er ...please, Regina, I need you to listen to me carefully so that we can help Roland.”

It seems the change in Robin’s tone of voice, more formal, serious and the expression on his face, catches Regina’s attention immediately because she looks at him attentively, nodding her head, which Robin takes as an indication to continue.

“I need to know Roland’s background. Do you mind answering some questions about it? It’s important. I ...I would like to know if he has needed any kind of psychological support as a child … did he have a conduct disorder? anxiety issues? ...maybe when he was separated from you? beginning school? any phobia? problems at school or socializing? learning disabilities? any important trauma that needed counseling?…”

He watches Regina shake her head after each question, and continues feeling some relief that maybe he has overreacted upon knowing all the possible ways in which this could have affected Roland and about Regina’s reaction. 

“ ...and during his teen and adult years? low self-esteem issues? anxiety? any eating disorders? depression? unusual behavior?”

He witnesses her shake her head at each of his questions. It seems Roland never had any help, which doesn’t mean he hadn’t needed it. So, he continues.

“So, he never had any therapy? Didn’t school teachers ever tell you it would be better to have some help in certain area? Didn’t you notice something that made you, at least, wonder if it wouldn’t be necessary to seek some professional advice?”

“Whoa! I didn’t know your visit would turn into one of those patient/doctor interrogations! I hope you won’t charge me for this!” says Regina joking, yet overwhelmed by the numerous information Robin is requesting, and closing her eyes a little making evident the effort she goes through to remember things that happened so long ago.

”Well, yes, now that you ask it like that, yes. He did need help, but mostly in academic matters ...he needed some extra tutoring I don’t remember if it was math or physics or maybe chemistry ...he wasn’t good at it and he was beginning to get behind in class and homework became a nightmare ….and at one point Daniel and I were unable to help him, so we hired someone to do it. It went pretty well. In no time Roland leveled out. And ...oh ....well, yes, once Daniel and I sought help because Roland began showing some inappropriate behavior towards teachers and authorities in general ...he became confrontational and challenged the authority constantly ...this happened after Henry was born, so with therapy and Daniel and I receiving some counseling, as well, Roland improved. Look, Robin, I don’t know why this is so important now, but Roland’s childhood and teen years were like those of any other child. He had friends at school; sometimes, he got mad when things didn’t turn out the way he wanted; he was not the best student, neither the worst; he loved outdoor activities and he played soccer pretty well; he preferred playing with friends than doing his homework; he had his heart broken once or twice because of one-sided crushes; he was always a smart, curious and loving boy. I’d say he never showed any behavior that could make us suspect he was struggling with something …There’s something you’re not telling me?”

“No, Regina ...I’m glad Roland had such a happy childhood ...I just...”

But before Robin can finish the sentence, Regina interrupts and asks, “Why now? Why suddenly this is so important, Robin? Why does this matter just now?”

“I’ve been overwhelmed and shocked with all that has happened lately, Regina ...just like you’ve been and I just recently realized there’s much more we need to consider. I’m speaking as a doctor now, as a professional, and I’m trying to be objective as unbelievable as it may seem to you. Look, Regina, I’ve made some research and talked to some colleagues that have more experience in this particular topic and from what you’ve told me about Roland’s reaction, he showed a perfectly normal response to the information you shared with him. He doesn’t hate you. It’s expected that he backlashes at those who, at first sight, he considers …” 

Regina doesn’t let Robin continue and snaps at him, “If these are the results of your research, you definitely wasted your time ...And if you came all the way here to tell me this, you should probably be going because I certainly don’t need a PhD in Psychiatry to know that Roland feels betrayed by Daniel and me, and since Daniel is not here I’m the one getting all the blows ...and thanks, Robin, by the way, those words were precisely what I needed to consider this day among the top five shitty days of my life.”

He knew this wouldn’t be easy. He was sure this would happen because he has gotten to know Regina far too well, and when she is in _self-defense mode_ she has this particular way of saying things with the sole intention of pushing people away. She did it once, years ago when they first met, and he knows she’ll do it again, but this time it won’t work with him. He won’t fall in her trap. No, not this time.  

So, he just sighs, and continues speaking as if he heard nothing, “Regina, let me finish! This is not what I came to tell you. Shall I continue?” 

It seems to work because Regina gives him the chance to explain himself with a blunt _Okay, go on._

“I was trying to tell you that Roland’s reaction is part of the process of acceptance of his new reality and that we need to make sure that he goes through this process as smoothly as possible. I need you to know what to expect of this process so that we both can help him to the best of our abilities. That’s why I have been asking all these questions about Roland. Are you okay with this? Do you want me to continue?”

Regina nods her head again, scrutinizes his face attentively as if trying to figure out from Robin’s expression what will he tell her next.

“Now, Roland is in denial, confused and afraid. It’s also normal that he feels anger, rage, and frustration. After that, he _might_ ….listen to me carefully, Regina, not all cases get to experience this, but it’s important that you know all the facts ...he _might_ ….I repeat, he _might_ experiment depression, sadness, anxiety, and identity confusion. He’ll want to know who he is, he’ll try to search for his roots, know from where he comes and after that will come acceptance ....”

“Awesome, Robin. Thanks again,” interrupts Regina with sarcasm.

“Regina, please ...”

Robin attempts to continue talking, but Regina interrupts again, talking this time with determination, long gone the tears and the defeated attitude she showed when he first saw her sitting on a couch of a dark room.

“Why, Robin? Why?”

Robin looks at her in surprise, not completely sure what does she mean and what’s actually her question, but before he can think of an answer, she continues.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before I talked to Roland? Why did you wait until I broke the news to him? Perhaps because you knew that if you did, I might have second thoughts?”

“Regina, you don’t get to blame me for this. May I remind you that you had this secret eating you alive for years and I bet it wasn’t because of me that you decided to tell the truth to _our_ son. You told me so. You sought for help because of that,” explains Robin, trying to talk calmly and without showing how he truly feels: upset and outraged by what Regina just implied.

However, her calmed tone fails completely to appease Regina, and the first sign of it is the fierce look on her eyes and her expression of bewilderment.

“Don’t you dare use the information I gave you in therapy against me, Robin ...you ...”

“Regina, you know I wouldn’t. You told me this when I wasn’t treating you.”

It seems Regina doesn’t hear Robin’s answer, or maybe she did listen to him but decides to ignore him. Robin would never know because she doesn’t even bother to answer him and instead snaps at him.

“Maybe everything was because of you since the very beginning, and you wanted Roland in your life so badly that it didn’t matter the price and who was going to pay it? It seems you were never bothered by the possibility of collateral damage. I ...I don’t need this right now, Robin ...please, you come here with the excuse to check on me, you hug me as if you were concerned about me, only to spill some shitty theories all of a sudden not caring at all about how I would feel about it… I ...I don’t know if you have a hidden agenda or you’re just someone with zero common sense ...and from what I can tell, the latter is not the case. So, I ...I just need to know wh-what do you want Robin? Truly?”

Shit. Who said this would be easy? It certainly is getting worse, thinks Robin.

“You said, _I wanted Roland in my life so badly?_ Well, you’re wrong. Yes, I wanted him, but that’s not all I want, Regina. Don’t you know? Haven’t you noticed? Can’t you even feel it? The truth is I want everything, Regina, _everything_ and I don’t know yet if this second chance life has decided to gift me with at this stage of my life when I almost wasn’t expecting anything at all, comes as a combo.”

Regina keeps staring at Robin in absolute silence, trying to find a meaning to his words. It can’t be ...she must have misunderstood something because if she’s right and Robin said what she thinks he did, well, then everything changes. Being honest with herself it’s not that she hasn’t thought about having Robin in her life as well, but she wasn’t prepared for that …least of all today, after everything that happened with Roland. 

Robin didn’t plan to open up to her like that, but the conversation with her became difficult and he found himself trapped in a dead-end. She had begun thinking terrible things about him and telling her the whole truth had been his only way out, so why not continue confessing what he wants and desires. He has nothing to lose, anyway.

“Look at me, Regina. I want Roland, I want you ...badly, Regina ...so badly that you can’t imagine ...and I want Henry, too. Daniel took care of my son, I owe this to him, I have a debt with him and I want to give his son back what he gave mine ...I hope I’m not that late, though. That’s what I want, Regina ...and I do hope you want the same.”

* * *

Which of them was the first one to claim the other one’s lips, neither of them is certain.  

Robin swears it was Regina the one who, after listening to him and having stayed silent for some seconds, went for his mouth, holding him by the collar of his shirt like she was afraid of his reaction and didn’t want to risk he would regret having spilled his deepest secrets and just leave the room in embarrassment. Those seconds he watched her staring at him in astonishment felt like hours to him and were a reminder that it was still a Monday ...a particular, perverse and obstinate Monday that has somehow decided to remind him, at every chance, how slow can time elapse sometimes ...and that he doesn’t even have a say in it.

Regina, as she enjoys the warmth of his lips, tries to remember who began kissing the other one first. She knows that she was left speechless after his confession. She wasn’t expecting any of that, least of all after everything he told her about Roland’s process and how she snapped at him. The last thing she remembers before sensing his lips on hers (or was it her lips over his?) was struggling for some seconds with the various emotions that began, all of a sudden, flooding her. Experiencing mixed feelings all at the same time overwhelmed her. It had been too much to deal with positive emotions like hope, relief, joy, safety and ...yes, love ...also love, along with the negativity guilt, fear, shame and doubt brought her. Perhaps she was the one that kissed him first, as the only way she came up with to answer, in some way, his question.

For some seconds, in which Robin prays that time passes by slowly (this time he has no problem with that), they kiss, lost in the sensation this connection brings them. The kiss is tender and soft at first, reassuring, just little pecks on the other one’s lips, like if both of them had already agreed how their “first” kiss would be. After a few little pecks, while their hands have been moving, caressing the other’s side, back, neck or bringing one of them closer to the other, they open their mouths in sync to savor more. When their tongues touch for the first time in 27 years, both realize this is their second chance, a gift they are determined to grab onto and enjoy. Neither of them will let their new beginning slip through their fingers. No, not this time.

They continue kissing. The only sounds coming from the room are their heavy breaths alternated by Robin’s words of reassurance. _We’ll overcome this, Regina; this time we’ll face everything together; everything will be okay, trust me._

Robin thinks he got his answer in the best way he could have imagined and continues praying that time stays still for a while so that he can remain with Regina like this …kissing her, holding her, supporting her ...like he should have done 27 years ago.

Regina attempts to take away every single thought that might be a distraction from this moment and decides to be a little selfish this time and forget for a while about Roland, Henry, Daniel, about what would people say when they find out the truth, and about those _I told you so’s_ she’s certain the most untactful people would throw at her. She decides to focus on Robin and enjoy each sensation her body is beginning to feel because, honestly, he’s as good as she remembered.

They both are so engrossed in each other, relishing in an endless kiss that neither of them pays attention to the knocking at the door, not even when it’s followed by a creaking as it opens, or when it reveals a surprised Henry who struggles to silence a _What the fuck!_ before closing the door. 

Regina said no interruptions unless it was Roland. Didn’t she?

* * *

 

**_Any thoughts?_ **

**_TO BE CONTINUED ..._ **

 


End file.
